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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28924959">The Woman Underneath</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inconsistentaf/pseuds/Inconsistentaf'>Inconsistentaf</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abandonment Issues, Addiction, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Ambition, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Class Differences, Dysfunctional Relationships, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family Secrets, Gambling, Gender Issues, Gender Roles, Inspired by Bridgerton (TV), Inspired by The Greatest Showman (2017), Inspired by The Queen's Gambit, Misogyny, Misunderstandings, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Power Dynamics, Power Imbalance, Protectiveness, Regency Romance, Secret Identity, Sexual Assault, Trust Issues, Victorian Attitudes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:14:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>70,229</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28924959</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inconsistentaf/pseuds/Inconsistentaf</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Penelope Featherington's father had left his family in financial and social ruin, and now it was up to Penelope to save her mother and sisters. </p><p>Penelope and her family leave the 'ton with nothing, but return months later in reasonable fashion. </p><p>The Bridgerton family had always had a soft spot for Penelope Featherington, and with news of her and her family's return they insist that the Featheringtons stay with the Bridgertons during this years season. </p><p>Although, Penelope has changed. She no longer worries about typical protocols in the 'ton like being escorted by a maid. Penelope disappears at odd hours, and has money that no one knows about. She has upwards of 4 glasses of champagne or wine at dinner. She no longer views herself as a respectable lady. </p><p>And the Bridgertons will not have it, as they do their best to protect her reputation from ruin.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anthony &amp; Benedict &amp; Colin &amp; Daphne &amp; Eloise &amp; Francesca &amp; Gregory &amp; Hyacinth Bridgerton, Anthony Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington, Benedict Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington, Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington, Eloise Bridgerton &amp; Penelope Featherington, Violet Bridgerton &amp; Penelope Featherington</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>176</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>714</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Listen, listen, listen...I just discovered Bridgerton on Netflix. I then read (more like skimmed) the first 5 books of the Bridgerton series. </p><p>This is also a "crossover" with the Queen's Gambit. Not using any characters, but I am using the idea of genius female chess player. </p><p>So, I love Colin and Penelope and I wanted to add more layers to Penelope and the drama around a ruined reputation, since the Bridgertons care about background and respectability so much. </p><p>Please leave comments if you would like me to continue. I imagine this to be multiple chapters, but relatively short.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Bridgerton Siblings and Penelope Featherington had always had a particularly unique relationship. Eloise and Penelope had been best of friends since they were little, and the Bridgertons for better or worse had adopted Penelope into their family. </p><p>The family matriarch, Violet, had a special place in her heart for Penelope. Penelope’s mother, Portia, a salacious gossip, and her two elder daughters, while unimpressionable, were regarded only at societal events. However, Penelope reminded Violet very much of her younger self which is perhaps why Violet always nudged the eldest three Bridgerton boys to save her a dance at said societal events. Penelope knew it was Violet who pushed her sons to regard her, but all three of the eldest Bridgerton could admit to themselves they quite liked Penelope. </p><p>One time when Penelope had come over to pay Elosie a visit, Anthony and Benedict had been playing a game of chess. Eloise and Penelope had both been more interested in books then fashion, which made them quite good conversationalists to each other and certainly for educated minds around them. However, it wasn’t common that ladies were taught to play chess, but instead partake in something less cerebral like embroidaring. So, when Penelope had noticed Anthony and Benedict’s chess board she approached them slowly all the while studying the board. </p><p>“Penelope, what’s wrong?” Benedict asked her. Penelope looked up from the board and looked between the two brothers before looking at Benedict pointedly. </p><p>“May I?” Penelope asked, indicating if she could touch the board. Benedict and Anthony exchanged looks, certainly intrigued by what Penelope thought she saw in their game. </p><p>“Certainly” Benedict replied simply leaning back in his chair and waiting for Penelope to make her move. Penelope gave him a grin that told him he wouldn’t regret it, and she reached for his Bishop and made his next move for him. </p><p>Anthony looked down at her move, and realized that she had just taken what he thought to be a predictable game with Benedict, and actually made it a challenge. Anthony would die before he appeared intimidated by Penelope Featherington. Anthony made his next move. Benedict and Penelope exchanged a look before Penelope quickly picked up another of Benedict’s chess pieces and made his next move for him. Anthony looked between them, at the move, and then back at Penelope before making his next move. She had him caught now, if Penelope knew what she was doing, then she would be able to capture his queen in just a few moves. The way Anthony saw her eyes light up, made him narrow his own eyes. </p><p>Chess was a man’s game. Where did Penelope Featherington of all people learn to play chess? “I didn’t figure your father to be much of a chess man…” Anthony stated after Penelope (and by default Benedict) had won their chess match. Eloise had been sufficiently proud of her friend, even though Eloise herself had never had the eye for playing chess. All the Bridgerton boys played it, but Violet had encouraged different games and skills for her daughters. </p><p>“He’s not” Penelope responded simply while playing a card game with Eloise across the drawing room. </p><p>“So, who taught you to play, then?” Anthony asked curiously, “and to play so well at that,” he added. All three Bridgerton siblings looked at Penelope in anticipation of her answer. She did not seem to notice 3 pairs of eyes on her as she fiddled with her cards, and when she did look up was surprised to find all eyes were on her. Hardly anyone’s eyes were ever on her. </p><p>Penelope shrugged her shoulders and went back to looking at her cards before answering, “I taught myself with a book”. </p><p>“That’s brilliant, Penelope!” Eloise said, giving her brothers a haughty look before returning her eyes to her own cards. </p><p>Anthony and Benedict had both agreed they wouldn’t be telling anyone in the ‘ton that Penelope Featherington had bested Anthony in chess, or that she had taken over Benedicts board mid-game to do it. Anthony and Benedict also agreed that they were quite grateful that Penelope and Eloise were friends, especially since they seemed to both be smarter than the average birds they dealt with during a typical season. </p><p>However, Colin did not like Penelope because she bested him or his brothers at chess, but simply because she was Penelope. She was funny, smart, and wonderful to have a glass of lemonade with when they attended parties and balls all over the ‘ton. In the last few years, Violet had stopped specifically asking Colin to give special attention to Penelope since he seemed to do that all on his own anyway. </p><p>Although, when Penelope’s father died, her and her entire family faced problems that even Violet’s eldest sons couldn’t fix. The Featherington’s had to lay off most of their staff, and it was rumored (by Whistledown) that none of the Featherigton’s had a dowry anymore. Violet had felt most distressed for the sake of poor Penelope. While Penelope was perhaps not anymore or less beautiful then her elder sisters, her lack of dowry would certainly worsen what Violet already knew were slim prospects for Penelope’s future. The Featherington’s were on their last leg as their ancestral home had been passed off to some male heir in the family. </p><p>The Featherington’s chose to leave the ‘ton until the following season with hopes of them returning with a dowry, but all the siblings had been quite surprised when they were there one day and gone the next. Eloise had been the most distressed. </p><p>“How could she have just left without leaving a note or even coming here to say goodbye?” Eloise had all but wailed in the drawing room while all her siblings and the Duke of Hastings looked on in sympathy and concern. It had been disarming that they had learned about Featherington's leave of absence through Whistledown instead of from Penelope herself. </p><p>“She’ll be back” Anthony tried to comfort her. Whistledown had said they intended to return. What they would return with and what they had to return to was an entirely different conversation. Eloise sniffled, and then glared at her brother. </p><p>“I know she’ll be back, but I’m just so worried. Where did they go? Penelope has never even left ‘ton! I know she is so smart, but what happens to a lady when society no longer sees them as a lady?” Eloise asked forlornly. </p><p>“Penelope will always be a lady” Colin interjected quite shortly. No one was saying anything, but Colin seemed especially peevish ever since they had gotten the Whisteldown papers that morning. Colin had even been the one to escort Eloise over to the Featherington’s household, only for an unrecognizable butler to answer the door and repeat the same information that Whistledown had shared. </p><p>So, when the season began a few short months later, all of the ‘ton was surprised to see Lady Featherington and her three daughters return in style. However, it was most notable that the Featherington’s did not immediately return to their ancestral residence. The Featherington’s were staying at a boarding house, which was quite humiliating for the Lady Featherington. Whistledown’s papers were back in full swing, now that a new season had started, the most pertinent information she reported was that the deed to the Featherington’s home had been gambled away by their relative. </p><p>“Oh, poor Penelope!” Eloise had cried at the dining table that morning. “Mama, I must go see her. I must go see her. She’s not okay! If she was okay, she would have come here Mama! She could have stayed with us. Her family, I know her family can be terrible, but surely they deserve more courtesy than to be relegated to a boarding home?” Eloise asked frantically. </p><p>Violet certainly would have taken Penelope in without any questions, but Portia and her other two daughters, well Violet guessed when one must, then one must. While Anthony certainly never acted as if his mother was not the head of the Bridgerton home, Anthony was in fact their head and Viscount. Anthony had final say, but Violet knew he would defer to her anyway. As Anthony looked over at his mother, he saw what he had to do. </p><p>“Eloise, I shall escort you to the boarding home today and we can extend an invitation to Penelope and her family that they should stay with us this season.” Anthony stated. Eloise gasped and glee and ran to throw her arms around her eldest brother. </p><p>“Thank you so much!” </p><p>“I shall only say this for the ears in this room, but I am only doing it for Penelope” Anthony responded which only made Eloise hug him harder. <br/>Colin cleared his throat and looked over at Eloise and Anthony before stating “Would it be any trouble if I came along as well?”. </p><p>“Of course not Colin, you must come! I bet Penelope will have missed you more than even me” Eloise replied lightheartedly and excited at the thought of seeing her best friend after so many months. Eloise had even decided that she wasn’t going to be mad at Penelope for leaving without saying goodbye, much less for never writing to her once while she had been away. Eloise had thought that to be the bitterest pill, but now that Penelope was back, and it seemed with at least a dowry, then her sisters and her had a chance to break through the scandal that her father had left their family in. </p><p>Colin couldn’t help but smile to himself at Eloise’s statement. It was an insane idea that Penelope would miss Colin more than her best friend, but it still made him feel flattered at the prospect. Secretly, Colin along with Anthony and Benedict had been trying to find Penelope and the rest of the Featherington’s ever since they had left. They had used their combined resources and connections to see if anyone they knew could possibly have any idea where the Featherington’s had gone, but it was a well kept secret. </p><p>Colin hadn’t thought about what he would have done if they found Penelope. Drag her back to the ‘ton? Colin had liked to think so. Their town hadn’t been the same since Penelope’s departure, which was weird since their town never seemed to be missing anything before. Now it was missing Penelope. Colin and the Bridgertons would bring Penelope back, and with some reluctance, her family, but all that mattered was that Penelope came back. </p><p>A little over an hour later, Anthony, Colin, and Eloise stood outside of the boarding house rumored to be the Featheringtons temporary home. Anthony knocked on the door and a maid answered it with an amenable smile on her face. </p><p>“Hello, are the Featherington’s here by any chance? If so, is it possible we could meet with them. Just tell them Viscount Bridgerton, along with Colin and Eloise are here to see them” Anthony said in his most Viscount voice. The maid gave a quick nod and closed the door in their faces, as she said she would ask if they would like to take tea in the drawing room with their visitors. A few moments later and the maid returned and invited the Bridgerton siblings into the boarding room. The maid showed them to the drawing room where Lady Featherington and two eldest daughters were seated to meet with the Bridgertons. It was most noticeable that Penelope wasn’t there. </p><p>“Where’s Penelope?” Eloise asked, forgetting her manners. Lady Featherington and her daughters ignored the faux pas and stood up to greet the Viscount and his siblings. </p><p>“We should expect her to return at any moment” Lady Featherington said amiably. </p><p>“If you are all here, then where is Penelope returning from, and who is she returning with?” Colin asked curiously. A lady such as Penelope was not expected to be running an errand without an escort, much less without her mother and sisters with her. </p><p>Lady Featherington made a sour face. “Such protective luxuries can not be afforded to this family anymore. And Penelope volunteered.” It was an odd thing to say, but Anthony and Colin could read between the lines even if Eloise did not. It was a dangerous thing for a woman to be unaccompanied in the city, especially if she was caught in a compromising position, it could ruin her. Penelope had volunteered to be the one ruined if she were to be caught in such a position. It would do nothing good for her mother and sisters should she be ruined, but with their family’s position in decline, and whatever dowry they had managed to comprise would still make them somewhat respectable to society. Penelope would not survive it though. </p><p>Colin was radiating agitation, but Anthony was the first to speak by stating, “Lady Featherington, we have been neighbors for a good many years, and I find myself having to ask why you didn’t think to come to us, especially with Penelope’s virtue at stake, as we would have gladly provided her an escort. In fact the reason we are here, is because my mother and I would be most honored if you and your family would come stay with us this season.” Anthony said in a firm voice. </p><p>Lady Featherington and her daughters seemed surprised by Anthony’s proposition. As if they could never have guessed that the Bridgertons cared about their wellbeing. Specifically Penelope. </p><p>“Well, Viscount Bridgerton, in the past it might have been my place to accept such an offer, but things have changed in this family without a patriarch to guide us. My daughters and I have not coped with the situation as well as Penelope has. She champions this family now. Provides for us in ways I haven’t even had the strength to question. So, if we are to stay with your family, then it must be with Penelope’s blessing,” Lady Featherigton explained gesturing to the tea table and for the Bridgertons to sit, like a good host. </p><p>The Bridgertons were nothing short of astonished. Lady Featherington was deferring to her youngest daughter, as to their lodgings and finances. It was not done in their circles. Penelope had taken on the equivalent of Anthony’s position in their home, except the differences were huge. Anthony was left an estate, and Penelope was left with nothing. Somehow Penelope managed to clothe, feed, and house her helpless mother and sisters, and Anthony and Colin couldn’t begin to understand how. </p><p>Colin thought himself to be exceptionally anxious to see Penelope again, especially after what he had just heard. It was never safe for a woman to be travelling alone, and Colin would ensure that so long as the Featherington’s were under the Bridgertons roof that Penelope’s virtue would never be endangered again. </p><p>The Bridgertons and Featherington’s made pleasant talk while they waited for Penelope. Eloise and her brothers could see a change in the three women before them. They looked tired, but still spoiled. They left with nothing, and were still able to return in reasonable fashion. How had Penelope pulled it off? </p><p>Just then, the maid followed by Penelope walked into the drawing room. Anthony and Colin immediately stood up and looked into her shocked and completely exhausted eyes. Eloise darted around them and ran straight into her friends arms, and hugged her like she never planned to let go. </p><p>“Oh Pen! I’ve missed you so much! Where have you been? You must come stay with us! Your mom said it was alright with her as long as it was alright with you. It’s definitely alright with you though, right? We must catch up, Pen! Please!” Eloise said both excited and desperatley. </p><p>All the Bridgertons could see that something was not right with Penelope. She looked tired, and even, to the Bridgerton boys at least, hungover? Was Penelope hungover? She was thinner, like she hadn’t been eating, but was still more plump than her sisters. She looked at Eloise with a tired adoration, and then turned her eyes to Anthony, and eventually landed them on Colin. </p><p>Penelope could tell right away that Colin was concerned. She could see it in his eyes. Anthony was giving her a hard, but curious look, and Eloise looked as if she would burst into tears if Penelope said the wrong thing. Penelope looked over at her mother and sisters, who seemed to be urging her to accept the Bridgertons invitation. </p><p>Penelope knew her mother and sisters thought staying in a boarding house, even a boarding house as nice as the one they were in, was beneath them. She had given them everything. It was never enough. She couldn’t stay at the Bridgertons, though. So much had changed about her. She had problems. Problems they couldn’t fix. That Colin couldn’t fix with that lopsided smile of his, that used to fix everything for her. </p><p>Penelope knew that saying no would cause more anguish, concern, and curiosity, and she simply had no time for that. She had to marry her sisters off and get her family home back for her mother, then she could rest. Then she could stop. </p><p>“How could any invitation such as that be refused?” Penelope responded as she hugged Eloise back. Penelope would have given a limb to be able to break down into Eloise’s arms like she used to when she was a kid and something had broken her heart. But now, she had to be strong for herself and her family. </p><p>“Wonderful!” Anthony stated, “then once you have gathered your things and checked out, we shall all take the carriage home”. </p><p>“I’ll go help you pack your bags, Pen!” Eloise said excitedly. <br/>“Good luck with that” Penelope’s eldest sister made a comment. Penelope glared at her with censure. </p><p>“What does that mean?” Eloise asked looking at Penelope. The whole room looked at Penelope. Penelope gave a tight smile. </p><p>“I have a private room, and it's a bit messy so I’ve insisted that my sisters stay out of it” Penelope explained. Although, it didn’t seem anyone in the room believed it was such a big deal that Penelope might want some privacy. </p><p>“Well, I insist you let me cover the rest of the bill, Pen” Anthony said to her, indicating he would get them checked out. </p><p>“No!” Pen shouted, surprising herself and everyone else in the room. </p><p>“Penelope, if Viscount Bridgerton would like to pay for the rooms, then you should let him” Lady Featherington said. Penelope seemed to be breathing fast and worried. </p><p>“No, I couldn’t let you do that. I’ll take care of it with the owners myself. Thank you, Anthony. Mother, sisters, do you think you shall be ready to leave within the hour?” Penelope asked while making a quick exit from the room. Penelope didn’t even hear her mother’s response as she went to flag down the owner to make arrangements for the room. Anthony and Colin exchanged looks and then looked at Eloise who looked like she had just been rejected. It was perhaps not the reaction any of the Bridgertons had been expecting from Penelope.  </p><p>All nine Bridgertons would have been first to place the bet that Penelope would have gladly and graciously accepted any offer of help. However, she had rejected Anthony’s money and just about nearly rejected his hospitality too. </p><p>Colin wanted to chase down Penelope and shake some sense into her. She was the lady, and Anthony was the gentleman. If Anthony, or even himself wanted to pay for her arrangements, the she better damn well let them. </p><p>“Excuse me,” Colin said to his siblings and the Featherington’s as he quickly made his way to the front of the boarding house in search of Penelope. </p><p>Colin found Penelope whispering with the owner and his wife, and all three turned to look at him as he approached. The owner cleared his throat first, and turned to Penelope, “we thank you for your business, and we hope you will return again soon” he said politely. </p><p>“I doubt that” Colin could help himself from muttering. Penelope and the owners looked on Colin as if he had questioned the owner's sincerity. </p><p>“I apologize, I only meant that I doubt Penelope will be back, she’ll be staying with us for the rest of the season” Colin said as if that made everything okay. </p><p>“Well, then perhaps next season” the owner’s wife said with some tightness in her voice. </p><p>“That is always a possibility,” Penelope said laughing. No, Penelope knew this was going to be her last season. She needed to see her sisters married and her family home restored, and then it didn’t matter what she did anymore. Who cared about society? Lady Whistledown’s readers did. Penelope was tired of it though. Let her be an outcast. She already had been treated like one. </p><p>“I also doubt that,” Colin said as he took Penelope’s arm. </p><p>“Colin?” Penelope asked. </p><p>Colin took the moment to really look at Penelope. She had never been gorgeous, but she looked more womanly now. She looked as if she carried the weight of the world. She looked sick. She looked like she needed someone to take care of her. </p><p>Penelope was a lady. Of course Penelope needed someone to take care of her. Penelope was looking after her family, and it was never meant to be her job. She needed to get married. She needed to find a husband. It was a shame though, that there was no one Colin could think of that would suit her. </p><p>Perhaps...no, he couldn’t marry Penelope. He could however, be a sponsor of a sort, perhaps have Anthony be her sponsor...and her sisters. They were staying under his roof, and that in itself could elevate their status somewhat. </p><p>Colin found himself saying “It’ll be alright, Pen. We can help you now.” Colin had her hands trapped in his as he looked at her in concern. </p><p>This was all Penelope ever wanted. All she ever wanted was Colin to come to her and say exactly what he just said. Although, it was spoiled now because it was too late. </p><p>She was ruined either way. She just hoped she could spare her family and the Bridgertons from her shame.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Wow! Thank you so, so much for leaving the comments and kudos! It may be extremely superficial of me, but I have chronic writers block, and feedback in any form really helps me. If I know you are excited for more, then I get excited to write more and share it with you guys! </p><p>So, any feedback is appreciated!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the end, it took two carriage rides to bring the Bridgerton and Featherington families back to the house. The Bridgertons’ went along first to announce the Featherington’s acceptance of their invitation, while the Featherington’s finished packing their trunks. </p><p>Anthony and Colin noticed how despondent Eloise had become since they left the boarding home and Penelope behind. </p><p>“Tell us what’s wrong, El?” Anthony stated to his younger sister clearly. Of course, Anthony had noticed the shift in Penelope’s demeanor, but she had accepted their invitation to stay with them for the rest of the season, which is precisely what Eloise had wanted. </p><p>“She didn’t want me to stay,” Eloise stated simply. </p><p>“Pen’s overwhelmed. She’s tired, Eloise. She just needs some time to rest and recuperate and-” Colin was cut off. </p><p>“Find a husband,” Anthony stated bluntly, giving his little sister a pointed look. Eloise gasped in outrage, while Colin’s eye twitched in annoyance toward Anthony. </p><p>Colin wasn’t going to say “and find a husband”, but even Colin knew that it was what he should have been about to say. It was surely going to be Penelope’s goal to be married this season. For all the Featherington’s to be married this season. Colin knew that her dowry must be a fraction of what it used to be, but it wasn’t nothing, which meant she could still find a respectable husband. </p><p>“I don’t think finding a husband is a priority for Penelope. I think it’s her sister's priority though, and now that they all have small dowries, it’ll be most important that it happens this season,” Eloise said truthfully and thoughtfully. “It makes sense, I don’t think Penelope has a dowry anymore. I think she took her share of what little money they had left, and she somehow invested it, and now her sister’s have dowries!” Eloise said excitedly as if she had solved a puzzle. She looked towards her brothers to see if they understood what Eloise could only guess had happened since the Featherington’s had left. </p><p>Anthony and Colin exchanged a curious look. It did make sense to them. </p><p>“You’re saying that Penelope invested her dowry, and somehow managed to make enough money off of it to give her sisters dowries? I thought none of them had dowries after their father died.” Anthony stated. </p><p>“Maybe they had one dowry? Whistledown would say no dowries, even if they only had one dowry. Probably” Eloise offered. </p><p>“If that’s true, then you’re probably right El, marrying her sisters off first would be more important. But, what about her future? Her mother?” Colin asked. </p><p>“It’d certainly be a lot easier to provide for oneself and a mother, instead of oneself, a mother, and two sisters. If her sisters were to be married off, then they wouldn't be her financial responsibility anymore. It makes sense! Anthony, we must help her marry off her sisters!” Eloise stated emphatically. </p><p>Eloise had felt so relieved and excited now that she thought she had solved Penelope’s mystery puzzle. Penelope wasn’t focused on her own prospects, especially if she had money now, she would want to see sisters married first. </p><p>“I agree, Eloise, but it’s only right that I help Penelope be married off as well” Anthony stated. </p><p>“What?” Eloise asked in shock and horror. “No, you don’t need to marry Pen off! Don’t do it!”  </p><p>Anthony rolled his eyes at his sister's selective hearing. Anthony said he would “help” Penelope, not be the one to marry her off. Anthony knew it was one of Eloise’s great fears when it came to her eldest brother. Anthony was within rights to marry her off to some man, simply with the stroke of his pen. There had been times Anthony had been tempted to make his sister go through a marriage agreement, but he could never be that cruel. Not to Eloise. Perhaps Francesca, but not Eloise. She would murder him. So would his mother. </p><p>“I can’t just marry her off” Anthony stated. </p><p>“Uh, yeah you can. She’s staying under your roof, brother. If you mess up your chaperone duties, then you might as well be the one to marry her off” Eloise said bitterly. </p><p>Anthony had never thought about that. All three of the Featherington’ young ladies would be staying under his family’s roof. Should something unseemly happen to any of the Featherington girls, it would ruin them, and his own family’s reputation. </p><p>“Oh dear God,” Anthony said, turning to his brother, “what have we done?”. </p><p>“We took responsibility for them,” Colin said tightly. “For Penelope” he said even more tightly if that was possible. </p><p>Anthony looked at his brother, and then his sister. Colin was right, the Bridgerton's were taking responsibility for Penelope and her family, simply because they cared about Penelope. Anthony and Benedict had only ever gazed upon her with sisterly affection, especially after the time she played chess with them. Colin had been telling himself for years that he didn’t see her as anything more than a friend, but ever since Penelope had left, Colin had felt there was a hole in his life. A Penelope sized hole. Still, Colin didn’t think he could marry Penelope, especially if he didn’t think his whole heart was in it. Colin had known her for so many years, and he had never felt a yearning desire for her, and Colin thought that was one of the first things you felt when gazing upon someone you love.   </p><p>“We will ensure that the Featherington’s name will endure no more ruination. We will help Penelope and her sisters find husbands, the correct way, and that is final” Anthony stated clearly. </p><p>Eloise took a deep breath, with narrowed eyes on her brother before looking out the carriage window. Nothing was going to change Anthony’s mind. He would see Penelope married off as well, if he could. He would try to find her and her family the most advantageous matches. It would be difficult, but he would need to work with Penelope. He needed to know how much money she had, and how much her sister's dowries were worth. Anthony realized that he didn’t deal with many women who knew much about finances. Violet was a smart woman, but she hadn’t gone to college like Anthony, and neither had Penelope. </p><p>Anthony felt like he was quite literally dying to know how Penelope managed to provide for her mother and sisters. What amount of financial security did she have to reject his offer to pay for her arrangements back at the boarding house. Had it been anyone else, and Anthony would not have offered to cover such costs, but he could see that Penelope had been through so much. He was sure that the financial burdens of her family had been the cause of her sleepless nights. </p><p>Colin himself had been thinking that he needed to see the tired looks in Penelope’s eyes disappear. She needed a husband who would look after her, but why did he always see himself as the one who was looking after her. He couldn’t think of one man in his acquaintance of who he would like to see Penelope married. Sure, he could find several bachelors that might fit her sisters, but not his brilliant Penelope. She would need someone to match wits with, and all the men suitable to her now, were not nearly as educated as they ought to be. </p><p>Eloise wanted to know how Penelope had done it, how Penelope had lifted her entire family from what appeared to be poverty. Eloise knew Penelope was smart, but there was no way she was capable of doing what she did alone. Then Eloise had a horrible thought, what if Penelope had welcomed ungentlemanly advances in order to get the money. It wasn’t unheard of. Eloise looked at her brothers with wide-eyes wondering if they suspected any impropriety on Penelope's part. Instead, her brothers looked back at her curiously. </p><p>“Now, what have you figured out?” Anthony asked her with a look indicating he was waiting for her to explain. </p><p>“Nothing,” Eloise answered clippedly. It was wrong of Eloise to think her friend would do something like that. Penelope wasn’t the sort, and it was surely the reason why her brothers hadn’t even considered it. Eloise thought that if her brothers had actually considered it, then Penelope would never have been allowed to stay with them. </p><p>An hour later, all of the Bridgerton siblings awaited the return of their carriage with the Featherington women. As it pulled up to the house, Anthony opened the carriage door to be greeted by three red-haired women instead of four. Oh no, Anthony had thought. </p><p>“Penelope said she had an appointment at the bank, and that she would return early in the evening after she paid a visit to a friend in town” Porta Featherington answered the question no one had had the chance to ask as she climbed down from the carriage. </p><p>“An appointment at the bank? She went alone?” Anthony stated, looking over at Benedict and Colin who seemed dismayed at the news. </p><p>“Yes, she hired a carriage to take her to the bank, I guess she plans to get in touch with the man who now holds the deed to our home, and she means to get it back from him. I told her it was ambitious, but I don’t try to stop her these days” Portia said as she started to open her arms in greeting to Violet Bridgerton. Violet gave Portia and her daughters a warm smile, but inside she said a silent prayer, that they find suitors, themselves wed, and out of her house soon. </p><p>Oh god, Penelope was going to make Anthony into a bad guy. Perhaps, Anthony thought,  this is why men take charge of family finances, because when a woman does, she throws all sense out the window. </p><p>“Maybe I should go and meet her at the bank?” Colin said stepping forward. </p><p>“How thoughtful of you Mr. Bridgerton, but I assure you that Penelope is quite accustomed to going to the bank alone, she has been there at least three or four times this week.” Portia explained. </p><p>“How did that not make it in the Whistledown papers?” Eloise asked herself out loud, but everyone heard it. </p><p>“Perhaps Whistledown has much more pertinent gossip to share than that of my dear plain Penelope going to the bank in broad daylight” Portia said with an aura of haughty indifference. </p><p>“Portia,” Violet started, “I had no idea you were open to such liberal ideas.” Violet hadn’t meant it as a compliment. Portia gave Violet a tight smile as she tipped her head to the side. </p><p>“You’d be surprised at what ideas you open yourself up to when you are forced from your home, and left with three penniless daughters” Portia said darkly. “But thank you Viscountess Bridgerton for you and the Viscount’s invitation. You have no idea...just how much this means to us” Portia continued with a hint of painful sincerity. </p><p>Violet knew that Portia knew that if this was the season that her daughters were to find suitors, that their best chance was under the Bridgertons roof. Anthony had connections to all the bachelors in the ‘ton, and surely some men of some sort of class and respectability would take the hand of her daughters, given they had some form of a dowry. </p><p>“Of course, we simply couldn’t have it any other way, come in please! We’ll have supper once Penelope returns” Violet said, giving her eldest son a look, to which he gave a nod. </p><p>“Uh, Lady Featherington? Did Pen mention which friend she was planning to visit?” Eloise asked. </p><p>“No, dear. I didn’t ask and she didn’t say.” Portia said, giving her a look that said she knew nothing, and she didn’t care to know anything. Portia and her daughters followed Violet and the rest of the Bridgerton siblings inside, save for Eloise, and the three eldest sons. </p><p>“Eloise, go inside. Your brothers and I will go attend to Penelope and make sure she is okay, and that none of those absolute buggers at the bank are taking advantage of her financially...or otherwise” Anthony explained to his sister curtly. Eloise looked between her three brothers, and decided that they had Penelope’s best interest at heart. </p><p>“Fine, but I can tell when Penelope is at the end of her rope, and she looked just about there, so please be careful...whatever you do or say to her...be careful” Eloise emphasized and looked most pointedly at Colin. The boys all nodded at her request as they got into the Bridgerton carriage and made their way to only bank in the ‘ton. </p><p>It was perfect timing just as the Bridgerton carriage approached the bank that Penelope was walking out of the bank with a letter in her hand and a smile on her face. </p><p>“Pen!” Benedict shouted from the carriage. Penelope looked up in shock at the Bridgerton carriage coming to a stop in front of her. Colin opened the door of the carriage from the inside and then came out to offer her a hand.</p><p>“We thought you might like a ride home or an escort to your friends house” Colin explained looking at her for a reaction. Colin had even taken notice of the letter in her hand, but thought asking her about it in the middle of the street was unproductive. </p><p>Penelope was drunk. Penelope was good and drunk. Mr. Weatherby and her were absolute menaces when they discussed their matters in his office over a glass or three of brandy. Brandy wasn’t a drink for women, but she quite loved it. And Mr. Weatherby quite liked a woman who could drink. Penelope and Weatherby had crossed paths months earlier at a different bank in London. Penelope knew who he was, and he knew who she was, and he decided that he quite liked her enough to help her. Mr. Weatherby would constantly comment about how wretched Penelope’s father had been with gambling and his family finances. Penelope was quite the opposite, except for the fact that the very reason she and Mr. Weatherby were connected was because they were in on a gambling scheme together. </p><p>Penelope Featherington was the finest female chess player, Mr. Weatherby had ever met. Should she enter into matches with worthy opponents, he could bet on her win, while the richest of men in their disdain for female excellence would bet against her. Penelope had won every match he had entered her in. </p><p>Now, they had been planning the match that would see her ancestral home returned to her mother. Penelope knew it was a risk to be caught gambling, much less to be playing chess against men of such esteem, but she didn’t care. She controlled the narrative, anyway. </p><p>Penelope Featherington was in complete control of her situation. She quite literally owned Lady Whistledown. </p><p>Oh Penelope wished she could kick herself for ever coming back to the ‘ton. The Bridgertons weren’t supposed to offer their support. Penelope knew how they felt about her family, and would have only thought that Eloise would reach out, and that Colin might what? Offer her a dance at a ball. Penelope snorted at the thought. Out loud. </p><p>“Penelope?” Colin asked as her and his brothers looked upon Penelope with a mix of concern and curiosity. Penelope looked to Colin and then Benedict and Anthony, and got dizzy while she did it, so she quickly cast her eyes to the floor. </p><p>“Yes, Colin?” Penelope asked while still trying to keep herself steady. She then started to put her envelope into her tiny handbag. </p><p>“Miss Featherington! Your bonnet!” Mr. Weatherby came running from the bank. Penelope felt herself heave, and prayed no one had seen it happen since everyone’s focus seemed to have turned on Weatherby. </p><p>“Mr. Weatherby? You work for Penelope?” Anthony asked, now extracting himself from the carriage so that he could shake hands with his acquaintance from the bank. Mr. Weatherby did not have a sully reputation, but it was also not undamaged. Weatherby was a known drunk and gambler. Penelope shouldn’t be consorting with a single man of Weatherby’s age and reputation. It truly was a miracle that Whistledown had failed to report on this “acquaintanceship”. </p><p>Weatherby laughed as he nearly tripped stepping forward to hand Penelope her bonnet, “Oh, I fear she works for me, more than I work for her” Weatherby announced with a laugh. </p><p>No one else laughed. His words could be taken deeply out of context, and in doing so lead to the ruination of Penelope. Weatherby seemed to repeat the phrase in his head as he realized the error of his wording. </p><p>“I meant no offense to Miss Featherington, I do work for her, but she is a smart girl and knows what she wants. I don’t deal with very many women like her” Weatherby explained. </p><p>Penelope had to fight back the groan she gave involuntary at once again, the impropriety of the bankman’s words. </p><p>“I mean with women who head their family’s finances” Weatherby corrected soberly. </p><p>“I see,” Anthony stated. Although, Anthony didn’t really see. “Have you spoken to Penelope about having a guardianship over her family's trust? Perhaps a friend of the family, like a duke or Viscount” Anthony said pointedly. </p><p>It wasn’t uncommon that when a woman’s husband died and she was left with only a certain amount of money, that she might hand her money off to a close friend or relative to see that the money be spent in ways that could leave the woman and her family profiting. Anthony had been thinking of offering that assistance to the Featherington’s but they had left before Anthony could discover anything about their circumstances. </p><p>“Yes, our relationship is strictly professional,” Weatherby said looking at Penelope with an odd expression that made Colin want to pummel the banker. </p><p>“Strictly” Penelope echoed. “I mean is it really even a relationship?” Penelope looked at the banker, and gave a little laugh that tried to tell everyone around them that she could care less about Weatherby. </p><p>“Yes, it’s a professional one” Weatherby countered which Penelope and him laughed at like it was an inside joke. </p><p>“I guess you would be right. Well, since the Bridgertons are here I think I’ll take my leave with them” Penelope said, giving Weatherby a quick shake of her hand in his.  </p><p>“Of course, and Miss Featherington, will I be expecting you on the saturday, next?” Weatherby asked. </p><p>“I believe so. Until then, Mr. Weatherby” she said as she gave a tight smile then abruptly turned to the carriage, which just about caused her to puke on the spot. There was a reason she was planning to walk to a friends house and take a carriage from there. If she got into this carriage as drunk as she was now, she would ruin the furnishings. </p><p>“Penelope?” Colin asked her again while studying her worried features as she looked into the carriage. </p><p>“Yes, I well....it is such a lovely day, is it not?” Penelope asked Colin. Penelope was looking for an out and all the Bridgerton boys could see it. </p><p>“It is, but it’s getting late, and it gets colder in the evening and I don’t see that you brought a shawl, so perhaps we should just take the carriage home” Colin said a little more forcefully than he intended. </p><p>“Yes, but I always run a little warm, so perhaps I could just-oh!” Penelope cried in surprise as Colin just about pushed her in as Benedict reached down to grab her and pull her in. </p><p>“Are we kidnapping Penelope Featherington?” Anthony muttered to Colin as his eyes followed Weatherby back into the bank. </p><p>“Of course not,” Colin responded as he quickly followed Penelope into the carriage. Anthony was the last to enter, and when he did he couldn't help but notice both his brothers noticing how green Penelope had turned. </p><p>“Penelope?” Anthony asked her. </p><p>“Yes,” Penelope said, focusing her eyes on a spot on the bench across from her. It would be her anchor, and should she lose it, she would be sick, and never live it down. </p><p>“Are you ill?” Anthony asked her strangely. Penelope gave a quick sharp nod of the head. </p><p>“Should we hurry home, or take it slow?” Anthony asked her. He had been drunk in the carriage a few times, and it differed based on how he felt, but sometimes it was easier if they rushed, and sometimes easier if they could take it slow. </p><p>“I don’t know, but I should think at a reasonable pace,” Penelope answered. </p><p>“Of course, might I offer you a distraction?” Anthony offered her. </p><p>“What kind?” Penelope asked, staring intently at her anchor. </p><p>“The kind where we discuss Weatherby, and how it would be in your best interest to get rid of him” Anthony stated bluntly. </p><p>Penelope’s eyes cut Anthony to the quick. “How do you know what is in my best interest?” Penelope asked feeling herself finally steadying in her indignation. </p><p>“Penelope?” Collin said again. </p><p>“Oh for pete’s sake Colin, you’ve said my name three times and you refuse to say anything else. What are you trying to ask me?” Penelope said exasperated but refusing to meet Colin’s stunned face. </p><p>Penelope Featherington had reached the end of her rope.<br/>
The carriage had begun to make its way from the bank and back to the Bridgerton household. Penelope closed her eyes and counted to ten, before opening them slowly and finding her anchor. </p><p>“I’m sorry, Colin. Anthony” Penelope stated grimly. </p><p>“We’ve all been worried about you, Pen” Benedict stated gently in the awkward silence that permeated the carriage.</p><p>“That’s very kind of you all, but we’re fine. I’m fine” Penelope stated formidably. </p><p>“Yes, but Penelope, do you even understand how the world works?” Anthony asked. Anthony had not meant to sound condescending, but it is exactly what he sounded like. </p><p>“Do you?” Penelope asked indignantly. </p><p>Anthony was surprised by how much he was surprised by Penelope’s statement. She had never used that voice with him. Only his sisters had ever been brave enough to speak to him like that. It was because they were his sisters, that Anthony was inclined to let it slide. However, if Penelope didn’t evoke such sisterly admiration, he could very well have been angry with her. </p><p>“I’ve been to university, and I know how men like Weatherby work. He’s dangerous, Pen. Wouldn’t you trust, I don’t know myself perhaps to look after you and your funds?” Anthony stated. </p><p>Benedict and Colin were watching the exchange between Penelope and Anthony with fascination. Neither of them had ever heard Penelope speak that way to anyone. Ever. Penelope carried herself as if she had nothing to lose. </p><p>The women of ‘ton had everything to lose. Their reputation hung upon the good graces of Lady Whistledown and the town's most fervent gossipers. Somehow Penelope had managed to fly under Lady Whistedown’s radar, but Penelope had been an easy target of Whistledown for years. It would be a matter of days before Penelope and Weatherby’s name would be in the papers, and then Penelope’s very virtue would be at stake. </p><p>After several moments of silence, where Penelope had refused to answer his initial question, Anthony tried a different approach. “Penelope, you can’t see Weatherby anymore” Anthony stated firmly as if he was speaking to one of his sisters. Benedict and Colin looked at him like he was crazy. </p><p>Penelope had been staring at her anchor intently. However, once Anthony’s words broke through her drunken fogginess, she actually found herself involuntarily chuckling with just the slightest hint of bitterness underneath. </p><p>“Colin, did your brother just forbid me from seeing my banker?” Penelope asked gently, still keeping her eyes focused on the anchor. </p><p>Colin looked between Penelope and Anthony literally at a loss for words. His brother had just told her that she couldn’t see Weatherby anymore, but he didn’t necessarily have a right to forbid her either. Then again, Colin realized with grim determination, Penelope was young and under the Bridgerton roof. Perhaps it was well within Anthony’s rights that Penelope should be subjected to the same rules as everyone else in the Bridgerton household, and one of those rules was that what Anthony says goes. Unless their mother vetoed it, of course. </p><p>“I...I believe he did, Pen,” Colin said gently. </p><p>“I see,” Penelope whispered back, attempting to keep her gaze focused and unyielding upon her anchor.</p><p>“A man like that could damage your reputation” Anthony said solemnly. </p><p>“Who cares?” Penelope asked, her eyes now clearly becoming unfocused from her anchor. As if Penelope had slipped into some hypnotic trance. </p><p>“Penelope, what are you saying. You can’t risk damaging your reputation even more-” Anthony cut himself off, not wanting to sound cruel. </p><p>“It doesn’t matter anymore, Anthony,” Penelope said, finally breaking her eyes away from the anchor to meet Anthony’s eyes. Dear God, Anthony realized she wasn’t ill. She was drunk. “I will find the best of the worst that ‘ton has to offer for my sisters, I will reclaim my family home for my mother, and then I will leave.” Penelope said clearly and bitterly with a sneer on her face. </p><p>Anthony, Benedict, and Colin looked upon Penelope like they all had just realized something remarkable about her. </p><p>Penelope had well and truly turned her back on respectable society. An unmarried woman venturing off on her own, in their social class, it was virtually unheard of. Spinsters stayed with their mother and fathers. Spinster’s didn’t make their way. </p><p>“You don’t mean that,” Colin said looking at her like she had grown another head. </p><p>“Of course I mean it!” Penelope responded. </p><p>“No, Penelope, no. It’s not done” Benedict added to the conversation. </p><p>“What’s not done, Benedict? A woman who can financially fend for herself?” Penelope asked disdainfully. </p><p>“Respectable women don’t financially fend for themselves.” Anthony stated emphatically. It wasn’t entirely true. Women could make money respectably, but society never saw it that way. A woman who made her own money and lived fashionably was nothing less than a suspected prostitute. Penelope could not want that. </p><p>“Stop the carriage!” Penelope shouted. The carriage came to a halt and Penelope threw the doors open to get out of the carriage before she sicked up on everyone. Especially Anthony. </p><p>Respectable women don’t financially fend for themselves. Penelope realized with a whole new clarity as she breathed in the fresh air to help her stomach from continuing to roll, that she wasn’t a respectable woman anymore. </p><p>She was a drunk. A gambler. A chess player who profited off people’s internalized viewpoints of what a woman could and could not be. A salacious gossip that destroyed lives with the stroke of her malignant pen. She should have said no to staying with the Bridgertons. She put her and their family in danger by associating herself so closely to them. </p><p>All she had wanted to do was rest her head upon Colin’s shoulder. For Colin to wrap his arms around her as tightly as his hands had gripped hers at the boarding house. But that would never happen. She would never beg for Colin to love her, like she did in her dreams. In her dreams, she would come to him, beg him to love her like she loved him, and every time her dream Colin would look upon her coldly, before casting his eyes towards more beautiful women that would surround them dancing. </p><p>All the sudden, Penelope felt a firm grip on both of her shoulders. “Penelope, I’m here. It’s okay. I’m here” Colin whispered gently in her ear. </p><p>Penelope hadn’t even realized that tears were streaming down her face. That she had started to silently sob on the side of the road while the eldest three Bridgerton boys looked upon her in sympathy. Penelope had never realized how much strength Colin’s touch had given her in the past. Colin wasn’t hugging her or lifting her up, he was just gripping her, like he knew how badly she needed to be held, but knew it would be improper to be the one to hold her. </p><p>She wanted to push him off her and pull him closer at the same time. </p><p>Anthony and Benedict treated her like she was one of their little sisters, and Colin was cruel in his friendly flirtations. She wasn’t a Bridgerton and she would never be one. </p><p>She was Penelope Featherington, and she would die before she willingly gave any arrogant Bridgerton access to her dues.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for the comments and kudos! They really help motivate me, and get me to put pen to paper! </p><p>Also, yay for Bridgerton Season 2! I quite liked Anthony and Kate's story, and I am excited to see it play out.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been only a couple of days since the Featherington women had moved into the Bridgerton household, and things had been fairly normal. </p><p>Anthony, Benedict, and Colin had their own “bachelor” lodgings across town that they chose to stay at instead of their family home, so that rumors wouldn’t fly about any impropriety on the part of either the Featherington’s or Bridgerton’s. Penelope was sharing a room with Eloise, and the Featherington sisters and their mother were invited to stay in the two extra guestrooms (formerly Colin and Benedict’s rooms). So, Eloise thought it was odd that Penelope spent hours alone in her mother’s guestroom, instead of just doing whatever she needed to do with Eloise around. </p><p>Eloise was finding numerous things to be odd about Penelope since she returned. Penelope seemed to be giddy in the evenings and absent during the days. Sometime’s Eloise would knock on Lady Featherington’s door to see if Penelope would answer, and only half the time she did, which led to Eloise suspecting that either Penelope was napping or not in the room at all. </p><p>Eloise had also noticed that Penelope would get sick in the evenings. Eloise had never been drunk before, which is why Eloise did not understand what excessive amounts of alcohol could do to a lady. Eloise definitely understood that Penelope was under some form of alcoholic influence, as Eloise had partaken in such beverages, but never in excess. Eloise had just assumed that Penelope was under the sedative and loopy effects of alcohol, but never once assumed her friend to be “drunk”. </p><p>The staff at the Bridgerton household staff could not say the same. It was unseemly that anyone would count the amount of drinks one fills at a dinner party for anyone, but it was hard not to notice how much one is drinking, when they are drinking significantly more than anyone else in the room. They all saw Penelope’s drinking habits, even if no one else cared to pay attention to them. The staff also had to hand it to Penelope, as she was excellent at disguising how drunk she was. The Bridgertons butler had been thinking about placing bets with staff on how many drinks it would take for Penelope to start walking funny, or start slurring her words, but if such news got out that Penelope was a drunk, it would not look good for their household. So it was an unspoken understanding amongst staff that Penelope’s secret, would be a secret, and should one of them say something, it would do them all a great disservice. The household staff was quite loyal to the Bridgerton family, if they were nothing else. </p><p>Anthony hadn’t conferred with Benedict or Colin following the carriage incident that happened days earlier with a drunk Penelope. It seemed that Benedict and Colin did not have suspicions about Penelope being drunk that day, which made him consider if he was making a mountain out of a molehill. I mean, Anthony had thought several times the day of the carriage ride that this was Penelope Featherington, and she surely wouldn’t have gotten drunk in a bank in broad daylight in the heart of the ‘ton, right? An insane idea, but Anthony had to admit that he knew what he saw when he looked into her bloodshot, unfocused gaze. The drunken anger she had possessed glaring at him across the carriage, followed by her practically leaping from the carriage and breaking down into sobs. </p><p>Anthony had tried to apologize to her, for being so harsh about her reputation. But Penelope had shaken her head, and looked up at him with her puffy, bloodshot, heartbroken, and yet equally determined gaze, and said “You’re only trying to help” in the most even voice she could produce. At that, Anthony felt that there had been nothing left to say, because it had been true. He was only trying to help her, and that meant he had to be a stern guiding force. </p><p>Anthony decided he wouldn’t say anything about her being drunk to anyone, and hoped he didn’t find Penelope in such a position again. In fact, he doubted he would ever find her in such a position again, considering that she was Penelope and she followed the rules. </p><p>So, when Eloise stormed into his study at their family home only three days after the Featherington’s had moved in and stated “I think Penelope is with child”, in front of Anthony, Benedict, and Colin, he just about choked on his own tongue. </p><p>“What?” Anthony demanded. Was that possible? Of course it was possible, but if it was true, oh dear god, Anthony needed to sit down. “Eloise, explain!” Anthony said sharply. Benedict and Colin had stood up from their seats to come forward to corner Eloise and listen to what she said. </p><p>“Did Penelope tell you she was with child?” Colin demanded in a guttural voice, while grabbing Eloise’s arm. Colin had never imagined Penelope pregnant before, and for some reason the very idea that she had gotten herself pregnant, specifically, he noted with quite some feeling, with somebody who wasn’t him, had made him want to physically express his anger. Not that he would dare in the presence of his siblings, especially Eloise, but his fists and teeth were quite securely clenched all the same as he waited for Eloise’s answer. </p><p>“No! But...I think she is experiencing morning sickness, and mid-day fatigue. I think she takes naps, and I don’t even know what she does in her mother’s room, but she only seems to be available half the time! So, I think...with much regret, that Penelope is with child” Eloise said in a tiny voice, that gave away just how much she thought she was betraying Penelope. Then Eloise broke down into sobs. </p><p>Anthony, Benedict, and Colin all looked at their sister stunned. </p><p>“Well, what do we do if it's true?” Benedict asked his elder brother. </p><p>“We must find someone to marry her...quickly” Anthony responded which in turn made Eloise wail even louder. “Eloise, please will you calm down, we are doing what we have to protect Penelope and the rest of the Featherington's reputations. To say nothing of ours. If she really is...with child, then a quick marriage is the best outcome for all involved” Anthony said in a weak attempt to appease his younger sister. </p><p>“I’ll marry her,” Colin said quietly from where he stood. He had been staring intently at a mark on the floor in order to keep his temper in check. Colin was not known for a temper, but everyone had one. Colin couldn’t believe that Penelope of all people would find themselves in such a ruinous position. Penelope had been raised amongst his sisters, and his sisters would never. Colin shuddered at the thought, had any single one of his sisters found themselves in the same position as Penelope, he wasn’t sure which of his brothers would get to her first to wring her neck. </p><p>“What?” Eloise asked him on a sniff as Anthony had handed her a handkerchief so that she could dry her eyes.</p><p>“I’ll do it. We can marry this week if we must” Colin said decisively. </p><p>“Brother, are you sure?” Anthony asked him in complete shock. He would never have asked either of his brothers to marry her, especially when Colin had been quite clear about his aromantic feelings towards Penelope. </p><p>“Quite, it would be the easiest thing to do,” Colin said. </p><p>“Yes, but it would be the best?” Benedict asked him sincerely. Colin thought so, but he wasn’t sure if he could manage to admit that outloud to his brothers or himself. </p><p>“Perhaps it is not true at all, and we are drawing solutions that don’t need to be drawn” Anthony stated firmly. “It’s only been three days, it is not as if there is any proof yet, and Eloise, maybe it would just be best if you talked to Penelope...directly” Anthony continued in a voice that said he didn’t want to have to guide his sister through anymore of this conversation then he had too. </p><p>“I can't do that!” Penelope gasped in outrage. </p><p>“Why not?” Colin asked. </p><p>“You can’t just ask your unmarried best friend if she is with child!” Eloise said firmly as indication that her reasoning was enough. </p><p>“Oh, how ignorant of us, El” Benedict said, patting his sister on her head and looking at his brothers with a helpless expression. </p><p>“Yes, quite...Well, I am going to bed, and if I can subtly extract any information from Penelope, then I shall report it to you all tomorrow morning,” Eloise said quite seriously, as if she had been sent upon a secret mission. </p><p>“That’s a good girl, good night El” Anthony said taking a seat in his chair. Eloise rolled her eyes at his nonchalant condescension. He really didn’t know how to talk to women, Eloise thought as she left the room. </p><p>“I didn’t want to say it in front of Eloise, but I don’t think Penelope is pregnant” Anthony finally said. </p><p>“What?” Colin asked at the same time that Benedict said “Why didn’t you say that earlier?”. </p><p>“Listen,” Anthony started, “did either of you notice that something was particularly off with Penelope when we picked her up at the bank?” </p><p>Colin and Benedict exchanged looks. Of course, they had noticed that something was off. She looked ill before jumping out of the carriage to start sobbing on the side of the road. </p><p>“I’m sure she’s been under an inordinate amount of stress. She’s been heading her family for months, and she was never even taught to do so. I just didn’t think Penelope would do something so stupid to endager her and her family’s reputation, especially when she has worked so hard to preserve it” Benedict stated as he too found a chair to sit in. </p><p>“I agree,” Colin said simply as he turned away from his brothers and reached for his drink before sitting down and keeping his eyes cast to the floor. Colin was in a state of shock, he was going to marry Penelope, if it was true, and she actually was pregnant. If it wasn’t true then, well, what a relief! Although, Colin couldn’t help but notice how disappointed he felt at the realization that Penelope wouldn’t need to marry him, then. It was ludicrous that Colin would be disappointed if Penelope hadn’t managed to put herself in a scandalous position, that would ensure they would have to be married. Colin did note that he would much rather Penelope not be pregnant, and if they were to be married, then at least to be married respectably. Or not at all, like Colin had always said, he thought quite bitterly.  </p><p>“I do too, and that is why I think our dear sister, Eloise, has drawn the wrong conclusion about Penelope’s welfare” Anthony stated looking between his brothers.</p><p>“What are you suggesting?” Colin asked. </p><p>“Well, haven’t you either of you ever seen a drunk woman?” Anthony asked them incredulously. The Bridgerton men were rakes, of course, Benedict and Colin had seen inebriated women, but never an inebriated lady (a woman of their social class). Women in the ‘ton partook in wine and champagne in reasonable amounts, as it was never seemly for a woman to be downright drunk in the company of anyone. </p><p>“Penelope?” Benedict asked, surprised. </p><p>“You think Penelope was drunk at the bank?” Colin asked incredulously, looking at his brother.</p><p>“I could tell,” Anthony said softly. Anthony felt for Penelope, he really did. When he attended university in the months following his fathers’ untimely and unfortunate death, he had turned to the bottle for comfort. Although, he couldn’t recall a time that he had got drunk in the middle of the day, at a bank no less. </p><p>Colin and Anthony narrowed their eyes in concentration as they thought back to Penelope’s behavior over the last few days. None of them had really been spending an overt amount of time in her company, but she had seemed withdrawn, and tired still. Anthony had decided that he would wait a few days after the whole ‘episode’ in the carriage with Penelope before broaching the subject about her finances again. Giving a woman space did wonders, as far as Anthony was concerned.  </p><p>“Maybe you’re right, brother” Colin said dejectedly. It was probably no better a hypothesis than Penelope being pregnant, but still...it would be better than her being pregnant. </p><p>“Well, if an unmarried woman must reach for the bottle, it’d best not be a baby’s bottle,” Benedict responded humorously with a trace of bitterness underneath. </p><p>“I suppose that’s true. What do you suppose we do, or say?” Anthony asked, looking to his brothers for assistance. </p><p>Anthony, Benedict, and Colin were older brothers before they were most things. They were sons, and older brothers. Those were the only roles they were currently qualified for, as none of them had yet to choose a bride or father a child. Anthony and Benedict had been fast approaching their thirties, and knew it would be this season or the next that they should find a wife, whereas Colin still had a few rakish years left in him, if he so chose. </p><p>So, when it came to Penelope Featherington, who was very much a sister to them, and yet not a sister to them in any legal or biological sense, what avenues did they have to guide her? To make her listen to them. For much of their lives, they had made their younger siblings obey their directives. There were only a few times Violet had ever stepped in to tell her sons they couldn’t make her other children do something, like marry someone they didn’t like, but it wasn’t on the whole very common. If Anthony, Benedict, or Colin issued an order, it was done, no questions asked (unless it was Eloise) because well, they were older brothers and they knew better. </p><p>For some reason, the fact that Penelope hadn’t just accepted that Weatherby was a dangerous man of repute, because Anthony had said so, quite irked the Bridgerton men. None of them had talked about what Penelope had said in the carriage amongst each other, because they were still silently coming to grips that Penelope wasn’t going to play damsel in distress. </p><p>If the Bridgerton brothers were being honest with themselves, they all thought Penelope would be significantly more relieved about their support. She was almost behaving as if they were intruding on her, and not being the helpful gentlemen they perceived themselves to be. It was rather galling to Anthony that Penelope hadn’t even tried to thrust her financial papers at him and begged him to find some suitors for her and her sisters to marry. </p><p>Penelope wasn’t acting the way any other woman of her standing would act in her situation. Anthony was proud of what she accomplished, even if he didn’t quite know what those accomplishments were, but he would have been more proud and pleased if she would just set aside her foolish female pride, and ask him for help. </p><p>“Well, brothers?” Anthony asked, “are we to watch Penelope self-destruct in front of us, or do we put our brilliant and educated minds together, and see to her welfare?” </p><p>“Of course we must help Penelope, but we have none of the facts,” Benedict stated plainly. </p><p>“Yes, I agree. We should get all the facts first. What do you think, Colin?” Anthony asked his other silent, and brooding brother. </p><p>“I think that we are talking about Penelope Featherington, and nothing makes sense right now,” Colin said honestly. </p><p>Colin was right, this was Penelope Featherington, of all people, and she wasn’t behaving demurely or submissively like she had in the countless interactions the Bridgertons had experienced with her before. Something was wrong, and Colin had decided that he was going to fix it. It didn’t matter how much convincing he had to do to get Penelope to understand she wasn’t alone, and that he and his brothers would take care of her. No, Colin thought, all Penelope needed to know was that he would take care of her. </p><p>“So, tomorrow we shall spend the whole day with El and Pen, and perhaps broach a few important topics with them,” Anthony said. </p><p>“Like if we should be expecting a baby Featherington?” Benedict asked. Colin shot him a glare, and Anthony’s lips quirked in the smallest smile. </p><p>“No, things like where the Featherington’s went and what they did and stuff like that just to get more clues as to what's been going on,” Anthony explained. </p><p>“Well, what do we know so far?” Benedict asked.</p><p>“Not much,” Colin replied simply. </p><p>“Yeah, not much...Penelope’s been mum, but…” Anthony said pausing. “But I have heard a few things from Mrs. Featherington and her other daughters” </p><p>“Oh really?” Benedict asked, “pray tell brother, what intelligence have you gathered?”. Even Colin started to lean in closer to hear what his brother had to stay. </p><p>“Well,” Anthony started, “I guess Eloise was right that the Featherston's actually had some money when they left ‘ton from Mrs. Featherinton’s aunt who had passed away some odd years ago. Mrs. Featherington and Penelope had gone to a bank in London to inquire about her aunt’s estate and was shocked to find just how wealthy her aunt actually was. I guess, Mrs Featherington’s aunt did not appear to be a well endowed woman. From that point on, Penelope took charge of the finances. Mrs. Featherington and her daughters haven’t expanded upon how Penelope is actually making money, but I know that she is, because Mrs. Featherington said something to the effect that if they were simply living off her aunt’s estate it would only afford all four of them comfort for maybe 2 months, maybe less. So, I know Penelope has found a way to make money, but not much else. Obviously, we know she has a connection with Weatherby, and I am sure it would be quite insulting if I even implied that Weatherby and Penelope’s connection was anything but aboveboard…” Anthony finished ominously.</p><p>“So, not much then” Benedict said plainly. Anthony gave his brother a look that resembled a pout and a glare before muttering “guess not”. Anthony bit back a retort about him knowing more than anyone else in the room, and snickered at the memory of his brothers' shocked faces when he asked if they had ever seen a drunk woman. Blind idiots, Anthony thought to himself. </p><p>“Has Eloise found anything from Pen?” Benedict asked. </p><p>“No, why else do you think she thinks her friend is pregnant, Pen’s got secrets, and Eloise might be in too much denial too see just how big they are” Anthony said. </p><p>“Don’t be dramatic,” Colin said. </p><p>“I’m not being dramatic! There is a lot about the Fetherington’s situation that doesn't add up,” Anthony stated in defense. </p><p>Colin knew he was in a bad mood, when he started to become impertinent with his brothers. Colin didn’t want to think about all the things Penelope had been doing the last few months she had been missing. He had only wanted to find her and help her, and then she came back to ‘ton with nothing to say to him, when he had been biting back everything he had wanted to say to her. Like, why did she choose to run away instead of run to him? Penelope and him were friends, and she should have known that Colin and the rest of the Bridgertons would never turn their back on her. She was part of his family, he felt that, didn’t she? </p><p>“It’s getting late,” Benedict said when there had been nothing but awkward silence between his brothers, “Colin, should we share a carriage?”. </p><p>Anthony, Benedict, and Colin’s ‘bachelors’ lodgings were all quite near each other, so Benedict and Colin often went home together, whereas Anthony might stay late or sleep in his study. </p><p>“Yes, goodnight Brother” Colin said to Anthony before standing up and walking out of the room. Benedict called after him, that he would meet him in the foyer after he discussed some friends’ business propositions with Anthony. So, it was just Colin’s luck that as he walked down to the foyer, that he should run into Penelope Featherington of all people. </p><p>Penelope had just been coming from the kitchens with a plate of biscuits, when she bumped into Colin in the foyer. </p><p>“Pen, what are you doing down here? I thought you and Eloise had gone to bed.” Colin said, smiling at her shock and eyeing her biscuits. “Are you planning to eat all of those?”</p><p>Penelope looked down at the biscuit plate in shock. There were at least 10 biscuits on the plate, but she had been bringing them back for Eloise, Francesca, and Hyacinth since they were having a “slumber party”. Penelope had only been the one to offer to grab the biscuits from the kitchen so that she could take a couple shots of whiskey from the pantry. Whiskey helped her sleep at night. Although, she felt more shame at the thought that Colin thought she planned to eat 10 biscuits by herself then needing alcohol to fall asleep.  </p><p>It was on the cusp of Penelope’s tongue to ask Colin if he really thought she was that fat. Instead, she tried to act like the old Penelope, and laughed. “I could certainly try, but if you’d like one I am sure I could spare half a biscuit” Penelope said coyly before picking up a biscuit and taking a huge bite from it, leaving just a little more than half a biscuit and holding it out to a stunned Colin. Okay, the last part was very un-Penelope like, but laughing off percieved insults were all but second nature to her. </p><p>Colin had just found out how attractive Penelope Featherington was while eating a monstrous bite of biscuit. Colin found himself smiling at her, and taking the other half of the biscuit and taking a bite out of the end she’d bitten. </p><p>“Delicious, Penelope. Thank you” Colin said. Penelope had looked at him in surprise when he actually had taken the biscuit from her hand and put it in his mouth. She had thought he would say no thanks and then try to steal a whole one from her plate, not actually share the same biscuit with her. Sharing food was intimate, and only couples, married couples, were seen taking bites off each other's plates or sharing the same biscuit. </p><p>Penelope realized that she had been staring at him chewing his biscuit for too long before she snapped herself out the trance that Colin had put her in. “Uh, well, I uh...I best get these upstairs and start eating all of them if I want to be finished with eating them by breakfast time” Penelope said. </p><p>While Penelope's initial reaction to Colin’s comment had made her feel ashamed at her pudgy stature, liquid courage sure took the sting away. Who cared if Colin thought she was fat and ugly? Who cared if he thought she could sit in her bed and eat 10 biscuits all by herself? </p><p>“Tell my sister's goodnight for me, will you?” Colin asked, giving her a look that he knew exactly who the plate of biscuits were for. Penelope gave him a small, but genuine smile and nodded, before she started making her way up the stairs. “Oh, and Pen, I think my brothers and I have plans to be around the house tomorrow, will you mind?” </p><p>“Of course not, this is your home. Why would I mind?” Penelope asked him sincerely. </p><p>“Oh it's not that. It’s just that, well, we’d love to catch up with you more tomorrow. I know things have been crazy the last few days, but my brothers and I only want to help you.” Colin said as he started to make his way up the few stairs that Penelope had already climbed. “I know that might mean having some difficult conversations, but...it’ll all work out.” Colin finished shortly after he stopped just one step below Penelope that left them at eye level. </p><p>Penelope had been looking down at the biscuits as he started to talk to her. Penelope didn’t know what to say or do, because she was internally brimming with anger. Colin was trying to prime her for what tomorrow would really be. The incessant needling of the Bridgerton family in an effort to make her spill every last detail of her family’s personal matters. </p><p>“Colin, would you just divulge intimate and personal family matters to everybody who just wanted to ‘help’ you” Penelope asked, refusing to meet his eyes. </p><p>“What?” Colin asked in genuine confusion. </p><p>“Do you tell everybody in ‘ton about all your family’s business dealings and ventures? Do you show everybody in the ‘ton your family’s finance sheets?” Penelope asked. Colin had to think about the question. The Bridgertons had a lot of business ventures, with a large number of prominent families in the ‘ton, but business usually happened behind closed doors, and in regards to his family’s financial papers, then the truth was no, because Colin wasn’t at liberty to share that information. Anthony could if he wanted too, but it wasn’t something he would just show any of his business partners. </p><p>“No,” Colin answered succinctly in an effort to see Penelope get to her point.</p><p>“Then why is that you and your brothers expect me to do what you wouldn’t?” Penelope asked softly. </p><p>“You know why,” Colin said again, very succinctly. </p><p>“No,” Penelope said, “I really don’t”. Penelope knew that her circumstances were uncommon, and that the Bridgertons were trying to help, but she was doing fine. She really believed she was doing fine. </p><p>Was she sleeping? A bit. Was she eating? Some. Was she drinking? Too much. But that didn’t matter. What mattered was making deals with two gentlemen who would take her sisters off her hands, and getting the deed to her home for her mother. </p><p>She didn’t really need too much help. She wasn’t expecting anyone highbrow for her sisters, and as long as she had the deed, and could send money to her mother, then her mother would live a comfortable life in the ‘ton. Both of her goals were attainable for her, and would have been just as attainable without the added benefit of staying under the Bridgertons roof. </p><p>Lady Whistledown was once something Penelope had prided herself on, but with Weatherby scheduling more and more places for her to be, she was getting burned out. She couldn’t do it all anymore. She had to do what was financially feasible, and once her sisters left, so would Lady Whistledown. Penelope would write other things, better things. Lady Whistledown had been an amazing accomplishment, and she had loved watching the chaos she sowed playout, but that was then and this was now. It was a chore to be Whistledown now. </p><p>The real reason that Penelope hadn’t let Anthony pay for boarding rooms, was because she had made arrangements with the owner to leave a small private room available to her around the clock. So yes, Penelope was paying for a room she wasn’t even staying in most of the time, but it was because Penelope knew she would need a sanctuary to retreat to. Her mother had been letting her spend time in the private room the Bridgertons had given her, because while her mother chose to remain ignorant of Penelope’s activities, she knew that Penelope was succeeding in whatever she was doing and that Penelope needed space to do it. </p><p>Mrs. Featherington was not a woman who gave her children privacy or space or even liked to be out of the loop, but it seemed ignorance was bliss for Mrs. Featherington when it came to her youngest daughter these days. Why couldn’t the Bridgertons mind their own business as much as Penelope’s mother had learned to? </p><p>“No, Penelope, you do know why” Colin said bitterly. “You are a lady and such matters should never have been handed to you to begin with”. </p><p>“I beg your pardon?” Penelope asked stunned, now looking him in the eyes. </p><p>“You heard me, if you would just tell us how you are managing, and then give Anthony leave to start managing these things for you, then your life could essentially return to normal” Colin said fervently. </p><p>“Ha! Return to normal? You want me to stop everything that I have done, all in the name of handing over my papers to Anthony so I can go to a ball, where the only man who asks me to dance is you?” Penelope said with a dark laugh and sneer. </p><p>Colin and Penelope were staring each other directly in the eyes, and both could see the anger and frustration that laid just below the surface. Before Colin had a chance to respond, a voice from above interrupted the moment. </p><p>“Pen, Colin!” Benedict called as he started making his way down the stairs towards them. “Oh, those biscuits look good, might I have one, Pen?” Benedict asked now a step above Penelope and two above Colin. Penelope and Colin were still looking at each other, but Penelope was the first to break eye contact as she looked up at Benedict and offered him a tight smile and then the plate of biscuits. </p><p>“Help yourself,” Penelope said. </p><p>“Thanks, Pen!” Benedict said excitedly as he searched the plate for the largest biscuit. Once his mouth was full of biscuit and he looked between Colin and Penelope, he felt enough tension in the air to slice it with a butter knife. “Well, we should probably get going then” Benedict said, turning to Colin. </p><p>“Indeed, safe travels” Penelope said before quickly moving up the stairs past Benedict and towards Eloise’s room. </p><p>“Uh..night!” Benedict called after her. “I would ask if I had done anything to offend her, but I know for a fact that wasn’t because of me” Benedict said as he made his way down the rest of the steps. </p><p>Colin was still shocked by how bitter and jaded Penelope sounded. He supposed he was one of the few (if only) gentlemen at balls that Penelope danced with, and for some reason, that actually made him feel quite peaceful. He just didn’t know why. </p><p>The conversation with Penelope left one thing very clear to him, Penelope Featherington was not playing by society’s rules anymore. Tomorrow would be a battle, and Penelope was going to be sorely disappointed once she realized that she had already lost it. Colin would prevail, and Penelope would feel better. Period.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Dear Audience,<br/>Thank you so much for the amazing feedback in both the comments section, and just by the sheer number of kudos I have received on this story. Any feedback is always such a huge motivator for me, and so I will always continue to keep asking you guys for it. </p><p>Although, I do just want to share my thoughts on why this story is both very easy and very hard for me to write. If you are here, and you have read some of Julia Quinn’s novels, then you will recognize that the Bridgerton men are actually as arrogant in the novel, as they are in my fan fiction. If you haven’t read the novels, then you can definitely pick up on Anthony’s  arrogance in the show, but Benedict in my opinion is probably the most arrogant of the three based off what he did in his novel (you know which scene I’m talking about if you’ve read his book), and it hasn’t been shown as much in the Netflix show. Listen, the kinda arrogance, domineering, arguably pretty misogynistic and sexist behavior that is displayed in the novels, is kinda the fun of these books for some people (especially those who read a lot of romance novels), and I am not afraid to admit that to my audience. The scenes where the Bridgertons assert control is both extremely sexy and frustrating as a female reader. Like, you are really mad because these guys are not playing fair, but also charmed by the fact that they care so much about their woman they are willing to assert this dominance in an unfair way. If you’ve read the first four novels, then you know of a scene in every book where the Bridgerton men did something both really douchey, but like kinda charming too…</p><p>You may not feel that way, but it’s definitely how I feel. That is why writing this fan fiction has been so cathartic, because I so wanted to make it more of a challenge for the Bridgertons. This is absolutely a Colin and Penelope love story, but this is really about the three most arrogant men in the ‘ton realizing that someone they thought would come to them in need, would rather persevere on her own. The novels make it very clear that the Bridgerton men do not think women should be “alone” like in the city or anywhere, that a woman should always have the protection of some sort of gentlemen or chaperone. The Featheringtons don’t have the protection of their patriarch or his fortune anymore, and the Bridgertons, in their absolute arrogance, can’t fathom why they weren’t asked to save the day. </p><p>Like, for those who are reading this story and hate how domineering and controlling I am making the Bridgertons sound, I am not trying to make them sound abusive. They come from a place of love, and a very deep sense of entitlement. So, my motivation for writing this is because I desperately want Penelope, who was brilliant in the novel, to just take it a few steps further in my fan fiction. I wanted her to put up a fight, because without Colin’s love, she really doesn’t owe the Bridgertons her life, which is what she would be putting in Anthony and Colin’s hands. </p><p>So, yeah I will warn you that, I am not exaggerating when I suggest that the Bridgertons would absolutley do something cruel to Penelope to get her to submit to them, if they thought they had too. And I so desperately want to write this as a love story, and not one of abuse. They truly think they are doing what is best for her, and she is doing everything she can to prove that she can be successful, and she doesn’t need to depend on anyone. The Featherington’s did not nurture her intelligence, Colin keeps breaking her heart, and Penelope knows she can find happiness for herself away from society, but only after she has secured her sisters and mother their places in society. As far as Penelople being an alcoholic, I do want it to be clear to you as the audience, Penelope actually does need help, and the Bridgertons aren’t wrong about that. However, they are going about it all wrong, because they don’t realize that a woman could want more, than to be a wife and mother. </p><p>To put this story in a nutshell, if Penelope couldn’t have Colin, then she could at least drink brandy, make good money playing her favorite game, and achieve notoriety by becoming a writer. And if Colin and the Bridgertons want to give her support, they better learn to give it in a very different way. </p><p>So, yeah. I love Julia Quinn’s books, and I love the cat-mouse dynamic, and I find that arrogant and domineering romantic leads in moderate amounts can give a woman goosebumps. </p><p>So, enjoy a brilliant woman being brilliant, and three brothers aimlessly attempt to understand the brilliant woman’s mind. And leave feedback. please.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The whiskey did nothing to help Penelope sleep that night. She had kept replaying the conversation she had in the foyer with Colin. He wanted her to just let him and his brothers take control of her family situation. That would happen, quite literally, over Penelope’s dead body. Penelope would never put her or her family at the mercy of someone else’s decisions again. The only decisions she could trust were her own. </p><p>Penelope’s father had ruined their family name, and left them with nothing before he killed himself. He was a notoriously well known gambler in the ‘ton, and then when he finally took it too far and lost everything, he shot himself. He didn’t care what happened to his helpless wife, and daughters. Except, Penelope hadn’t been helpless, which meant she had a duty to save her family. The deed to their family’s home had been given to a distant cousin on her fathers side, who had already sent a butler ahead to assess their estate, but that didn’t matter because they had no money to pay the servants or maintain the household, anyway. Penelope knew saving her home would be a battle for another day, and that she had to get her family back their fortune and dowries first. </p><p>The only money and estate Portia had to her own name was from her deceased aunt. Penelope knew who that aunt was, because she had set up an account with her Whistledown publisher to see that her funds were held under her maternal aunt's estate, which was also, thankfully supposed to be accruing interest. Portia had never even thought to review her aunt’s estate when she died, because she was not a wealthy woman as far as Portia was concerned, and she hadn’t the need for whatever small inheritance was left to her by her aunt. That was until her husband had shot himself in the head in his office with a pistol. </p><p>Penelope had been the one to suggest going to the bank and inquiring about the estate, for obvious reasons only known to Penelope. Portia had been so surprised that her aunt had left her a four figure sum, but it would only last them so long. Portia did not understand business, none of her daughters did, but then Portia had witnessed the way that Penelope had sophisticatedly behaved with the banker, and asked questions that Portia would have never even have thought to ask. </p><p>That is when Portia Featherington realized that she had lost a husband and daughter in the span of a few short days. Portia could already see her daughter's mind at work, and knew that Penelope had always been a bright and especially observant child. Portia had only given her daughters a bare minimum education in literature, instead encouraging them to be educated in the art of dancing, singing, and needlework. Although Penelope's head had always been stuck in a book, and Portia had seldom been able to distract her for very long before Penelope returned to reading her book. </p><p>Then there had been the day when Portia had walked in on Penelope playing a solitary game of chess in her husband's study. </p><p>“What are you doing?” Portia had asked her young daughter. Her husband had a chess set in his study for when he was hosting guests, but he was the only one in the house who knew how to play the game. Besides, Mr. Featherington wasn’t a very good player himself and chess was a man’s game, so her daughters had certainly never been taught. </p><p>Penelope had looked up from the game in surprise, as she had been caught in her fathers study without permission. Penelope had always been fascinated by the chess board in her fathers study, but her mother and father insisted she wouldn’t like the game. So, Penelope had found a book on chess at the local library, and she taught herself how to play whenever her father wasn’t home, and her mother didn’t require her presence. In fact, chess came extremely easy for Penelope. It was like her mind was able to calculate 3 steps ahead. </p><p>“Nothing, Mama,” Penelope said standing up and casting her eyes away from the chessboard. </p><p>“Have you taught yourself to play chess?” Portia asked incredulously.</p><p>“No, I...I was just admiring the chess pieces,” Penelope said lying through her teeth. </p><p>“Liar,” Portia seethed. “You are a liar, Penelope Featherington, and a bad one at that. So, why don’t you teach yourself to be a better liar next?” </p><p>“I’m sorry, Mama. I was curious and I read a book, and I just...I liked playing” Penelope finished softly. </p><p>“Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t make your father throw away this chess board?” Portia asked. </p><p>“Why would you do that?” Penelope asked in shock.</p><p>“Do you think a gentleman will find you attractive if you best him over a game of chess?” Portia asked. </p><p>“I...I don’t know,” Penelope had answered honestly. </p><p>“There may be a small subset of gentlemen who will find an intelligent well-read little girl such as yourself to be good wife material, but don’t delude yourself into thinking that just because he may enjoy your intelligence, that he’ll ever enjoy watching you succeed. He won’t, and attempting to try can destroy a woman” Portia said darkly. </p><p>“Mama?” Penelope said with tears in her eyes, “please, please don’t take this away from me” she whispered pathetically. </p><p>“Put everything back as you found it, and don’t let me catch you playing in here again,” Portia said as she sweeped out of the room to return to her other daughters music lessons in the drawing room. Portia had never caught her daughter playing chess again. </p><p>So, when Portia had seen her now mature daughter dealing with things that she had never once encouraged her daughters to think about, Portia knew that things were about to change. That if any one of them were to lead the family in the wake of her husband's death, that Penelope was clearly the most qualified to do it. </p><p>As Portia and Penelope had left the bank, she found herself turning to her daughter. “What should we do?” Portia had asked her. </p><p>“We leave. We’ll return in the spring for the upcoming season, in style, and we’ll have dowries for Prudence and Phillipa. We no longer have the deed to our home, it's only a matter of time before Papa’s cousin comes and kicks us out, or sells it, or something. We shouldn’t be here when he does. We’ll go to the city and I’ll find a way to triple what your aunt left us” Penelope answered decisively.  </p><p>It had been difficult when they returned home that day and had to fire the entire Featherington home staff. Well, all except one maid who had a particularly strong bond with Penelope. Lady Whistledown’s papers had an “off season” and an “on season”, but even in her off season, Lady Whistledown would need to report at least once a week, instead of the usual three during the spring. Penelope’s maid, Lucinda, knew of Penelope’s identity of Lady Whistledown. The only person who knew, and she had sworn to protect Penelope’s identity and aid her when she could, as she was a maid, and also quite privy to the ‘tons gossip. Penelope had spoken to her privately and paid her a hefty sum to be the informant for Lady Whistledown until the spring. Penelope didn’t care what the gossip was or who it was about, just as long as she had something to give her publishers once a week, until she returned. Lucinda said she would take the task on, and send her a letter every Friday night with the week’s biggest gossip, so that Penelope could get the paper written in time to be published by Sunday morning. </p><p>Penelope had debated going over to the Bridgertons to say her farewell, but for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. She had no idea what was in store for her, but she didn’t want to be distracted. The Bridgertons were masterful when it came to distracting Penelope Featherington. The most she could do to soothe any concerns they (Eloise) might have was to simply report the truth as Lady Whistledown. The Featheringtons’ were leaving with nothing but they would absolutley be returning with something. </p><p>Penelope had wanted to go to Eloise and cry in her arms, and then she had wanted to go to Colin and cry in his (like that would ever happen), but Penelope knew she had to be stronger than that. Her father had left her with a mess, and Penelope could clean it up on her own. Besides, the Bridgertons were just family friends, and nothing else. She and her family wasn’t their responsibility, and it would only be awkward if they felt obligated to help her. She had been saving money as Lady Whistledown for 3 years, and she knew if she could find a way to make some money with her chess skills, then she could support her family just fine. </p><p>So, she wrote her Lady Whistledown column, and she quickly got her mother and sister moved out of their ancestral home in the middle of night. </p><p>They went to a small upper-class boarding home in London, and while her mother and sisters had gone into a state of depression, barely leaving the boarding home, Penelope went off to meetings with her Whistledown publisher, and investment bankers to invest a bit of money here and there. That’s where she had her first sip of whiskey, in a bank. </p><p>It had made her feel warm inside, cozy, comfortable. All the things she never felt. She liked it. She liked it a lot. It filled something in her. A coldness, and sense of dread, that was replaced by warmth and a feeling of invincibility. </p><p>Shortly after that she had seen a poster for the circus. </p><p>Penelope had never been to the circus, but she had been to the opera several times with her parents. She had heard things about the circus, that it was cheap, and mostly for the entertainment for the working man and his family. Penelope decided that if she wanted to go see the circus, then she could go see the circus. It had been getting kinda dark as she walked along the streets, so Penelope hailed a hired hack and headed to the circus. Penelope thought about going home to reassure her mother, but decided she didn’t really want to see her mother and sisters, and doubted they even noticed she left during the day anyway. Penelope was quite invisible. </p><p>Once she arrived at the circus, she realized that there was a reason it was undoubtedly the greatest show. People were admiring different performers throughout the colosseum shaped building. Then a thought occurred to her as she realized that some of the performers were interacting with the audience. The crowds were amazing, and filled with plenty of men and families. </p><p>“Miss, would you like a tour of Cirque Du Delaney?” A man said approaching her from behind. </p><p>“Do you work here?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Uh...that would be a no, because...I actually own it.” The man answered. Penelope looked him up and down and realized he was a rather handsome gentleman around Anthony’s age. </p><p>“You’re Delaney?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Yes, Miss. Pleased to make your acquantiance. So, how can I help you?” he said smiling at her. Penelope thought he had quite a nice smile too. </p><p>“Well, Mr. Delaney. What if I told you I had a talent, and I would love it if we could work out some sort of agreement, where I would open up my own...I don’t know, but I could give you a share of my profits,” Penelope stated firmly in her most business woman voice. </p><p>“Gambling?” Mr. Delaney asked. </p><p>“Well, not really...I’m quite good at chess you see. Well, I think I am good at chess...So, say if a gentleman were willing to pay 2 shillings for a game of chess with me, where he gets one shilling back if he wins. Is it really gambling? He’s paying me for my service, time and a good game of chess, and if he wins, then he gets half his money back. We could make a lot of money off of confident men” Penelope stated quite firmly. </p><p>“And cocky too?” Mr. Delaney asked with a smirk at Penelope. Penelope blushed. </p><p>“I suppose,” Penelope answered shyly. </p><p>“Well, I suppose that isn’t technically gambling...but it is borderline. Since I've decided that I like you and your...confidence, then you come back here tomorrow night and I’ll have a spot, sign, and chessboard for you. I’ll even pay to be your first opponent.” Mr. Delaney winked at Penelope and held out his hand for a handshake. </p><p>Penelope eyed his hand, but did not reach hers forward, as she cleared her throat, and started with “I don’t believe we’ve agreed upon which percentage you’ll be taking”. Mr. Delaney narrowed his eyes, even as he smiled at Penelope and her business tactics. “Furthermore, Mr. Delaney. You don’t even know my name” Penelope finished. </p><p>“I don’t need to know your name. You’ll be The White Queen. Wear your hair more regally tomorrow, and we’ll put a tiara in it. Wear something regal too, and if I don’t like it, then you must purchase a gown of my choosing. As for the earnings, we’ll do 50/50,” Mr. Delaney said authoritatively. </p><p>“No deal,” Penelope said easily. Mr. Delaney’s eyes narrowed even more. “I agree to everything but the 50/50 split. I’ll agree to do a 50/50 split with you tomorrow, just to see if this...exhibition even works, and if it does work, then I want 80% going forward, and you’ll get 20. I am the one doing the work after all, you're only supplying location and exposure” Penelope finished. </p><p>Mr. Delaney looked Penelope up and down, before stating, “I change my mind, I do want to know what your name is after all”. </p><p>“The White Queen,” Penelope answered demurely, but her eyes told him that she would enjoy using his own arrogance against him. </p><p>“So it is,” He said looking back at her and acknowledging her cleverness with the meeting of their eyes.</p><p>“Okay, White Queen, you have a deal. You make me some money tomorrow, and I’ll take the 20% going forward,” he said, reaching out to give her a handshake. This time Penelope took it. </p><p>Penelope managed a hired hack to get home, but it was later in the evening, and Penelope knew it was dangerous to be alone at night. She felt invisible in the streets during the day, but quite the opposite in the night. She decided that after she saw how much money she could make from the circus goers, then she could determine if hiring a private hack to get her around town would be financially feasible. </p><p>Penelope had set up two accounts for Prudence and Phillipa’s dowries. She was hoping she could make big money off her investments, spending money off of Lady Whistledown, and all the extra as the White Queen at the circus. Dear God, Penelope thought, what would her mother think if she found out. She had arrived home, but her mother and sisters had been keeping themselves distracted and didn’t even say anything to Penelope when she turned in for the night.</p><p>Portia Featherington, however, had noticed her daughter come home late, and as concerning as Penelope’s behavior was, Portia had to admit that they had been kept in comfort because of Penelope. Living in a boarding home during the most shameful time in her life had been better than nothing, and being away from the ‘ton had been a wise move on Penelope’s part, but Portia longed to return. She longed to see all three of her daughters married. She just wanted her normalcy back, and she knew that Penelope was giving her the best chance at being returned to it. Perhaps, Portia could even remarry an older widower in the ‘ton like her. </p><p>Penelope had made 2 pounds the first night she worked at the circus, but could only keep one, but even one pound would be put towards something worthwhile. Penelope knew if she lived on the dangerous side and found the right connections she could make big money off her chess skills. However, this was the safest way to make a little extra money for now. </p><p>Penelope had worked at the circus for only a month before she ran into Weatherby at the bank. He was a prominent banker in the ‘ton and Penelope knew a drunk and gambler too. Weatherby had worked with her father, and he recognized Penelope when she had been sitting down with her investors to see if her investments were making any profit. Penelope had been pleased by the inventions and businesses she had decided to buy shares of, and was glad to see that she had been profiting quite soundly. </p><p>“Miss Featherington? How are you, dear girl? Your absence from the ‘ton has been quite the talk of the town, what are you doing in these parts of London?” Weatherby had asked. </p><p>“Oh, a little of this and a little of that, Mr. Weatherby” Penelope answered in greeting. </p><p>“I see, well, as you know I was a friend of your fathers, so if there is anything I can do to help you, then please, send a letter to the office” Mr. Weatherby said with a tip of his gentleman's hat. </p><p>“Actually, Mr. Weatherby, might you be free to meet me at a cafe to discuss a business proposition?” Penelope asked earnestly. Mr. Weatherby seemed shocked at her forwardness, but nodded and they agreed to meet at a specific tea shop a block away from the bank at 3:30 that afternoon. </p><p>Mr. Weatherby arrived at 4:00, but Penelope had waited in hopes of him arriving before she had to leave for the circus. </p><p>“So, Miss Featherington, how can I be of assistance?” Mr. Weatherby asked with a patronizing tone. Penelope narrowed her eyes at his voice, but ignored it.</p><p>“Do you know anything about chess matches?” Penelope asked. “The kind where there is big prize money” Penelope added with a whisper. This time it was Weatherby who narrowed his eyes at her.</p><p>“Why do you want to know?” He asked. </p><p>“I am confident that I know a really formidable player,” Penelope answered. </p><p>“Who would that be?”</p><p>“Me.” Penelope said simply.</p><p>“Oh, really? You. Listen, Penelope. Can I call you Penelope?”, at Penelope’s nod Weatherby continued, “women just aren’t as good of chess players than men. It’s a fact. If I took you to the big leagues, then you wouldn’t know what hit you” Weatherby finished. </p><p>“I disagree, I’ve won every single chess game out of the last near 750 or so games I played against men in the last month” Penelope stated firmly. </p><p>“What?” Weatherby asked now in a state of intrigue.</p><p>“I have been playing against working class amatuer chess players, and I haven’t lost a single match” Penelope said. </p><p>“Not one?” Weatherby clarified. </p><p>“Not one.” Penelope confirmed. Weatherby and Penelope then sat in silence for a few moments as Weatherby formulated what he wanted to do. A female chess player, it could be a risk if she wasn’t as good as she thought, but if she really was as good as she said she was, then she could be a marvel and an attraction for gambling men to want to beat or even bet on. Finally Weatherby had come to a decision. </p><p>“Okay, I know about this club, a club of some of the best chess players in London...they get together every now and again, and they hold competitions amongst themselves where they place bets on the person they think will win the match. If you are as good as you say you are, then I can maybe get you into this club. If you beat every single one of those men, you could make upwards of 200 pounds per match, and I’d say they are 20 of the finest chess players. After that, if you are the champion you think you are, then we can hold events ourselves. I guarantee if you are unbeatable, there is a man who will make it his life’s ambition to defeat you. I’ll take 25% of your earnings. Deal?” Weatherby asked. </p><p>“15%,” Penelope countered quickly and  clearly. Weatherby looked like he was biting his tongue. </p><p>“Yeah, well let's see if you can even beat even just one of those gentlemen first”. Weatherby said. </p><p>“I will. I won’t lose.” Penelope said confidently.</p><p>“I like your confidence, but we’ll see,” Weatherby said. </p><p>Weatherby said he would meet her at the bank the day after tomorrow, so that he had time to get in touch with his contacts in the chess club. </p><p>And that had only been the beginning for Penelope. Penelope had stretched herself thin, and found solace with brandy, whiskey, champagne, wine, or really anything that took the edge off. She slipped down the slope quite fast in her short absence from the ‘ton. </p><p>She spent her days sleeping, and her nights drinking and making money. Between the investments and the chess matches Weatherby had arranged, she had finally earned her sisters a dowry of 5,000 pounds each, and she had another 2500 pounds available for keeping her mother and sisters in style. She had accomplished so much in just a few months, but she was exhausted. </p><p>Penelope hadn’t been making really anything more than drinking money at the circus, but she enjoyed their company and her anonymity. She never feared she would see someone from ‘ton because they simply would not have gone to the circus. If they had it would be because the circus had come to them first.</p><p>Mr. Delaney and her had certainly built an interesting friendship. She didn’t judge him or his performers, which was unique for someone with Penelope’s background. Penelope hadn’t told him too much, but she had told him she was from London’s high society, and that she was going to leave it once her sisters had found husbands.<br/>
“And what about you?” Mr. Delaney had asked her one night, while they were drinking in his office. </p><p>“What about me?” Penelope asked.</p><p>“Doesn’t a part of you still want to find a respectable husband, get married, have kids?” </p><p>Penelope had been taken back by the question, but she knew she shouldn’t have been. It was a fairly straightforward question, and the answer should have been an easy yes, but Penelope found herself pausing and thinking.</p><p>The only man she had ever pictured as her husband was Colin Bridgerton, who was a most respectable man indeed. So, yes she had wanted to find a respectable husband, but now it didn’t seem to matter anymore. Penelope knew that one day Colin would pick a wife, and it wouldn't be her, and when he did pick that wife, she would have to watch him be in love with her. It would be a life of misery in the ton if she stayed there, writing as Lady Whistledown, watching the world, but never living in it. </p><p>“I think there will always be a part of me that wants that...but not as much as I have decided that I want this” Penelope said gesturing around her. “The freedom of it all. If we were in ton, I would be labelled a fallen woman, just because I am here in this office alone with you, and if you refused to marry me, then my entire reputation including my sisters would be ruined. What kind of life is that? I’m mean, sure, having kids and a family would have been nice, but if I can’t make that life with the person of my own choosing, then I can’t find the worth in it at all” Penelope said honestly. </p><p>Mr. Delaney found Penelope to be an extremely attractive young woman. She was no diamond of the first water, but still there was something incredibly attractive about her, that you wouldn’t know unless you really talked to her. </p><p>Neither Mr. Delaney or Mr. Weatherby knew about Penelope’s arrangements with the other man. Penelope’s Whistledown publisher was consistently pleased with her work, and Penelope was managing her schedule just fine. </p><p>It had been a bitter pill when she told Mr. Delaney that she had to return to the ton to see her sisters married. She didn’t know what would happen once the season was over, but Penelope had implied she was definitely thinking about returning to the city. </p><p>There had been an undeniable attraction building between Michael Delaney and Penelope Featherington. Michael hadn’t been raised a gentleman, so when she told him she was leaving, he could do nothing to stop himself from pulling her in for a soft kiss that left Penelope utterly stunned and breathless. She had never been kissed before, but decided in those moments spent in Michael’s arms as he kissed her, that she did quite like it. A small part of Penelope felt like a hussy having kissed a man outside of an engagement, but another part of her had never felt so free and weightless. </p><p>“Come back to me, and be my Queen” Michael had whispered in her ear before he had let her go. Penelope had no idea what to do or say, but she looked into Michael Delaney’s eyes and saw something she had never seen in the eyes of the men in ton, especially not Colin’s. She saw a man, who saw her as a force of nature, as a queen, and a leader. Colin had always looked upon her kindly, but never like that, but even Penelope had hopes, that if Colin really knew what she was capable of, that he would look at her the same way Michael was right now. </p><p>She knew that Michael had been just short of offering a marriage proposal, because he had known well enough that Penelope would do nothing until her sisters were married. </p><p>Once Penelope and her family had returned to the ton, Penelope knew her priorities would be balancing her Whistledown responsibilities, Weatherby responsibilities, and her family responsibilities. She had never been so grateful the circus had never ventured toward the ton, because she almost certainly would drown if she saw Michael. </p><p>Although, on top of all those responsibilities, now included a new one. Managing the Bridgerton brothers who were making it their lives work to destroy Penelope Featherington. The more they knew the more leverage they had for destroying her reputation. Why couldn’t they just leave her alone. She was on a mission, and it would have been relatively easy, but now Anthony, Benedict, and Colin were sticking their noses in her very private business. If they actually looked at her finance sheets, they would see her Whistledown money and her gambling money, which she had been trying to make look like were actually her investment profits. She had done a good job of it, but it was only on the surface. </p><p>Should anyone, the Bridgertons most of all, look at her with a microscope, they would see a woman hanging onto her family’s reputation by the skin of her teeth. Penelope had made herself disappear for months, but she had dirt on her hands, and her footprints in the sand. One wrong implication from the Bridgertons would see her sisters married to men outside the security of the ton that they had all been raised in. </p><p>Penelope could only pray that Bridgertons were actually trying to help, because if they were, then the only thing that would need to be discussed in length the following day would be regarding suitable gentlemen for her sisters to marry in a quick and orderly fashion.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Keep the feedback coming please! Thank you guys! I love reading your comments!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The following day the three eldest Bridgerton’s arrived at their family home with a singular goal in common. They were to convince Penelope that she should entrust Anthony to run the Featherington’s family estate, and would see to her and her sisters finding gentlemen of good backgrounds to marry.  </p><p>The Bridgertons could conclude well enough that Penelope would hesitate in giving such matters to Anthony, but had confidence they would get Penelope to come around to their way of thinking. She didn’t have the education or experience to lead a prominent family like hers had once been. The fact that Penelope had been able to recover two substantially sized dowries, and afford to spend a whole season in a boarding home, while keeping her sisters supplied with different gowns for every event, was a miracle in its own right.</p><p>The family’s driver had orders to pick up all three Bridgertons, who then all arrived together just after breakfast when their mother, sisters, and the Featheringtons were spending time in the drawing room. </p><p>Where of course, the first thing that all three eldest Bridgerton men noticed, was that there was a certain red-haired miss absent from the group. </p><p>“Where’s Penelope?” Colin asked. </p><p>“I expect her to be back with Mr. Weatherby shortly,” Portia stated like it was the thousandth time she had already stated it. </p><p>“She was gone before I even woke up,” Eloise stated more to her brothers, than to Portia.</p><p>“She went to see Mr. Weatherby, before you even woke up?” Anthony asked curiously. </p><p>“I guess so,” Eloise said looking pointedly towards Portia, who had been doing needlework, before returning her attention to her novel. Anthony and Colin were still standing near the doorway, as Benedict had made his way across the room to greet his younger siblings. </p><p>“Quite an interesting schedule for Penelope, wouldn’t you say Mrs. Featherington?” Anthony asked, making his way into the room. It wasn’t hard to tell that Portia was not interested in discussing her daughter's affairs with the Bridgertons. </p><p>“Well, of course! But Penelope’s always been more of a night owl. I think she would rather sleep during the day, and stay up all through the night” Portia said in a nonchalant manner. </p><p>“Doing what?” Anthony asked. </p><p>“Pardon me?” Portia asked.</p><p>“What does Penelope do at night?” </p><p>“Any number of things, I suppose” Portia answered. </p><p>“Like?” Anthony pressed.</p><p>“Like…”Portia started, but was interrupted by one of the Bridgertons servant’s entering the room and announcing that a Miss Penelope Featherington had arrived accompanied by the banker, Mr. Weatherby. </p><p>It wasn’t protocol that Mr. Weatherby was to escort Penelope into the Bridgertons home, but so long as they travelled in the open, Penelope’s virtue wasn’t in danger. Mr. Weatherby, who was also a staunch protector of his reputation (to a degree), made sure that he would appear fully as a mentor and escort for Penelope. Instead of as her partner, which was a generous title, given Penelope’s propensity to think of him as an employee. </p><p>Penelope thought Mr. Weatherby was quite literally the worst banker she had ever met. She was better at threading their unseemly earnings onto their financial sheets, than he was. Drunk. It was just another damn responsibility she couldn’t trust for anyone to do, but herself. </p><p>Penelope had arrived back at the Bridgerton house, most excited to escape to her mothers room for a few hours while she napped. She knew the Bridgertons had planned to interrogate her all day, so, instead of dutifully sticking around to be questioned, she chose to leave first thing that very morning. Which also led to the most painfully awkward and terrifying encounter she had with the Bridgertons butler, Wickham. </p><p>It had been 3 in the morning when Penelope was attempting to exit the home through the servants entrance.</p><p>“Miss Featherington?” Mr. Wickham had asked as he appeared in a conservative nightshirt. It had been but pure coincidence that Mr. Wickham was making his way into the kitchens near the entrance that early in the morning. Penelope Featherington had been a most discreet woman, until that very moment. </p><p>“Uh...Mr. Wickham...I...I...I humbly ask if I could perhaps...purchase your silence. We don’t need to tell anyone about this. Please, I can pay you most generously,” Penelope stated. </p><p>“You want me to keep a secret from my employers?” Wickham asked. </p><p>“No, no, not at all. I would understand if you were asked about me directly, but if you could perhaps refrain from saying anything to your employer, unless asked of course, well, I would pay you for your discretion.” Penelope finished meekly. Penelope would never have forced his silence, if he had wanted to tell Lady Bridgerton that her young guest was sneaking out of the servants quarters unchaperoned at ungodly hours of the morning, then it was his right. </p><p>Mr. Wickham had not been shocked by her offer to actually bribe the servant of a household such as theirs for their silence. It wasn’t uncommon for gentlemen to purchase servants' silence for their discretion, but he had never heard of such an offer made from a woman.  </p><p>“And I know you know who's been drinking the whiskey from the pantry” Penelope said in a whisper, and a shaky voice, that indicated just how scared she was about being so forward with him. “So please, Mr. Wickham. I’ll give you money to replace everything I drank, and money you could use to...perhaps assist me with keeping my habit under wraps. And of course, money for your silence” Penelope said. </p><p>“You’ve been a most discreet woman, but what I know, my staff knows,” Mr. Wickham said with a pointed look. Penelope’s mouth had gone dry, but she still found herself gulping, before offering the butler a tight smile. </p><p>“Name your price,” Penelope had said evenly. So, Mr. Wickam did. The sly bastard he secretly was.  Penelope had left the Bridgerton home, in escape for her rented room at the boarding home, feeling much better about her situation in the Bridgerton household. </p><p>She had worked on her Whistledown papers, while she (conservatively) drank until 9 am, when the bank would finally be open. Penelope was to put simply a ‘functional alcoholic’. </p><p>After spending three hours in the company of an increasingly inebriated Mr. Weatherby she had enough. She was hungover, tired, and had decided that she would rather take the chance of running into the Bridgerton brothers, then spend any more time trying to avoid them. </p><p>Mr. Weatherby was surprised to see so many people in the Bridgertons drawing room. However, he had still managed to greet Anthony, Benedict, Colin, followed by Lady Bridgerton and Mrs. Featherington. Then he took a breath and began to greet all of the Bridgerton and Featherington daughters. </p><p>“Well, I better be off, good day everyone” Mr. Weatherby said, recognizing even as sloshed as he was, that the atmosphere was tense. </p><p>Colin and Penelope’s eyes met each other across the room, and this time Colin could see it. He could see that her eyes were bloodshot and that looked as if she hadn’t slept at all last night. He could see that she was sick, but would not succumb so quickly to whatever plagued her. </p><p>“Penelope, you’re back just in time! I think everyone was discussing taking lunch in the park,” Portia said to her daughter. </p><p>“Oh how lovely,” Penelope said. Portia and Penelope shared a look. It seemed that Penelope had become a better liar. </p><p>“Oh, Penelope, you look flushed, are you feeling alright?” Portia asked concernedly. Penelope really did like her mother, some of the time.</p><p>“Bollocks! Penelope looks brilliant! Shall we go?” Anthony interrupted before Penelope could answer her mother. Anthony stood up from the chair he had been perched on, while glowering at Weatherby, until the weasel had been bright enough to show himself out. He now extended his arm to Penelope in a clear statement of a challenge. If it was Penelope’s prerogative to avoid him, then she could absolutely make up an excuse, but Anthony was tempted to see what she would do.</p><p>Penelope looked at Anthony for a moment, and then found her gaze moving to meet Colin’s. They both could tell that Penelope was upset, but the way she gave Colin a subtle sneer before looking back to Anthony, said she wasn’t going to cower to what was obviously a clear challenge between Anthony and Penelope. </p><p>This was it. The showdown that would determine Penelope’s and her family’s future. </p><p>Penelope was not out of touch with what was going on around her. Lady Bridgerton had been consulting Mrs. Featherington about the prospect of Anthony’s willingness to be an executor of their estate. The only obstacle was Portia’s undeniable newfound loyalty to Penelope. </p><p>Portia Featherington, had noticed Penelope’s drinking problem for a while. Although, she also knew that her daughters ability to do what she was doing was just the most incredible thing she had ever witnessed. She had never seen her daughter so miserable and yet so happy when they had left the ton. </p><p>Portia had a feeling the reason Penelope was so miserable was because Penelope couldn’t have the man she loved next to her, supporting her. </p><p>However, Portia had been wrong to think she could ever expect her daughter to marry anyone less than someone who supported her daughters dreams completely. Whatever they were. Portia had a sinking suspicion that Penelope had bigger secrets than her gambling and drinking ones. </p><p>While Portia wanted nothing more than her daughter to be freed from this burden, she knew that it had to be her daughter who willingly gave the burden away. Portia wouldn’t dream of taking it away from Penelope, not anymore. </p><p>There would only be one man who could rescue, Penelope. It was a crying shame that Portia had no clue who the man would be. Portia knew who Penelope hoped it would be, but she wasn’t willing to write off a certain Michael Delaney. If her daughter wanted to return to the city after Prudence and Phillipa were married, then Portia would not stop her. She knew that Penelope would ‘have fun’ with Michael, but she also knew that Penelope had been drinking less when she was around him. Portia had suspected that it was a certain charismatic firmness and wit that Michael had exuded that kept her daughter more inclined to keep a straight head. </p><p>Now, it was clear to Portia and every single one of the Bridgertons just how serious Anthony was about his intention toward helping Penelope. And Penelope would either shy away from the conversation, or she would join them in the park, for what would amount to be a very frank conversation among friends. </p><p>Penelope did her best to hide her distaste, but between her exhaustion and headache, she wasn’t very good at it. </p><p>“Sounds wonderful,” Penelope said, knowing that she was borderline approaching disrespect and she had to steady herself for what would be a disgusting battle ahead. </p><p>“Okay, well it’s still a bit early for lunch, so if you are planning to leave now, then the girls and I will catch up with you in an hour or so,” Portia said making it very clear to everyone in the room just how very neutral she and her other daughters would be remaining on this situation. She and her daughters would support whatever Penelope wanted. </p><p>“Quite, we’ll bring lunch in the hour. Eloise, should you like to go with them?” Violet asked her eldest daughter in the room, before giving Anthony a subtle nod of encouragement. </p><p>“Yes, Mama!” Eloise said as she went to take Colin’s arm, and lead the procession out of the room, followed by an exhausted Penelope and smug Anthony, and then a fifth-wheel Benedict who saluted his family as he walked out the door. </p><p>Anthony knew he’d done a rotten thing to Penelope, everyone could see in her eyes that she was in desperate need of a nap, but Anthony couldn’t help but think the more tired she was, the more docile Penelope would be about the situation. Benedict and Colin had privately made the same assessment. </p><p>Penelope could have been lulled to sleep in the carriage, if she wasn’t so stressed about this whole thing happening. “This whole thing” being a carriage full of prying Bridgertons. </p><p>“What time did you leave this morning?” Eloise had asked her.</p><p>“Early,” Penelope responded. </p><p>“Yes, I know that, but how early?” Eloise asked again. </p><p>“I don’t know. I must have left the house around 7” Penelope lied with ease. Eloise was a notorious late-riser, so how would she know whether Pen left at 3 or at 7, so long as she slept through the night. Penelope had always left a lump, so if Eloise were to awaken her brain might instantly see the lump, and be convinced Penelope was asleep beside her. Until she would wake up and realize it was just the way the covers were bundled up. Eloise didn’t mind whether Penelope made the bed or not before she left as that was done by the maid in the morning anyway. </p><p>Penelope didn’t like being a liar, but she liked the idea of the Bridgertons knowing about her circumstances even less. She wasn’t sure how any of them would react if they found out she was Whistledown, much less that she was part of an elite gambling group of chess players, in addition to having worked at the circus. The circus! Oh, and she happened to be drunk most days. That was a problem she could admit needed to be addressed, but for the meantime she was content with herself and her choices. </p><p>“So, I see you are still using Weatherby as your banker,” Anthony said in a pleasant and conversational tone, but underneath it everyone in the carriage could pick up the edge of annoyance in his voice. </p><p>“You’d be seeing correctly,” Penelope responded. </p><p>“I say, Benedict, Colin, did either of you also happen to smell the distinct odor of brandy when Penelope and Mr. Weatherby walked into the drawing room this morning?” Anthony asked in a most supercilious tone, that knew just how to push Penelope’s buttons. </p><p>“Oh, that’s what it was,” Benedict stated, giving Penelope a pointed stare, that made her narrow her eyes at him, before once again shifting her gaze towards Colin, who was looking at her in an odd sort of way.</p><p>Colin was looking at her in wonder. Penelope was more changed than he had even realized, when he had first seen her. She had somehow grown up so much, and yet looked so youthful and lost. She was determined, but tired. </p><p>“Makes sense,” Colin said in a tone that indicated he was in agreement with his brothers. Mr. Weatherby was a dangerous character, and Penelope needed to end her dealings with him. Whatever those were. </p><p>“Interesting, very interesting. I wonder what a man like Weatherby who just permeates the air with the stench of a drunk would be doing with someone as respectable as Penelope Featherington?” Anthony asked in the most condescending voice he could muster without even trying. “Maybe you could shed some light on the matter?” Anthony asked directing his question point blank at Penelope. </p><p>Penelope was much, much too tired to be able to swallow the Bridgertons arrogance, but if she snapped, it would give them more ammunition against her. Penelope gave herself a mental smack across the face and prepared herself. </p><p>“I find Mr. Weatherby to be a very resourceful man,” Penelope stated simply. That wasn’t a lie. Weatherby was a resourceful man. </p><p>“Resourceful?” Benedict asked genuinely perplexed. </p><p>“Yes,” Penelope said tersely. </p><p>“How so?” Anthony demanded. </p><p>“He just is,” Penelope stated looking out the window. At that point, everyone fell silent for a few minutes.</p><p>“Okay, Penelope. You win. I absolutely insist that you let me help you,” Anthony said firmly.</p><p>Penelope pulled her eyes away from the window and found that all three Bridgertons were staring at her intensely in anticipation of her response. </p><p>“And I insist that you not worry about it. I’m quite happy with Weatherby’s assistance,” Penelope said flippantly. </p><p>“You’re kidding, right?” Eloise said finally speaking up. Penelope furrowed her eyebrows at her friend's tone.</p><p>“What?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“You would trust an ill-reputed drunk over Anthony?” Eloise asked incredulously. Penelope found herself taken aback at both Eloise’s tone and question. Eloise, being a younger sister to all three of the men in the carriage, and while she was more independent than her other siblings, she still understood the importance of heeding her elder brothers’ advice. They always had her best interest at heart, just like Eloise knew they had Penelope’s best interest at heart. Eloise didn’t know the exact moment she realized that her brothers liked Penelope Featherington as more than just her friend, but Eloise knew they weren’t offering to help Penelope just because Eloise liked her. </p><p>“I...I wouldn’t put it that way,” Penelope said sincerely. </p><p>“How would you put it then?” Colin asked. </p><p>“I...I...I just think Weatherby is capable of what I need right now” Penelope said, cringing at her own words. She didn’t even know what she was trying to say anymore, but whatever she said was bound to be an unsatisfactory explanation anyway. She was finding it as difficult answering these questions as she thought it would be, and was now wishing she had feigned a faint in the drawing room. </p><p>“What is it that you need right now?” Colin asked softly while everyone in the carriage waited for Penelope to answer. </p><p>“I need... Well,I need...I need patience! I have everything under control. I am most grateful to have been invited into your home for this season, but I’ve been managing everything just fine. Mr. Weatherby is just the man I need for the job. So, in addition to your patience, I would also like your confidence.” Penelope stated reverting to her business woman tone. </p><p>Anthony, Benedict, and Colin stared at what must have been the most vague speaking woman on the island. </p><p>“What does that even mean?” Anthony asked in a genuine state of confusion. </p><p>“It means that I don’t need you to take over my estate for me, like the three of you keep implying in a most unsubtle manner. I know what I am doing,” Penelope stated, with a firm yet tired look. </p><p>“Do you, though?” Benedict asked with his eyebrows raised in a most condescendingly suspicious manner. </p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“It means that you have no formal education or training to expand such an estate,” Anthony stated. </p><p>“But I already have!” Penelope found herself crying out in defense. </p><p>“How?” Colin asked, giving her a hard stare that managed to capture and paralyze Penelope's eyes onto his features. </p><p>“H-how?” Penelope asked Colin breathlessly, as if she really had no idea how she had managed to grow her own estate, from her own savings. </p><p>“Yes, how did you do it, Pen?” Colin asked, continuing to hold her attention with his piercing eyes. </p><p>“I...I invested my aunt's money.” Penelope finally said simply. It was only a half-lie. </p><p>“Okay, but how is Weatherby helping you, exactly?” Colin asked. </p><p>“He worked with my father, he’s been like a mentor to me,” Penelope said, lying through her teeth completely this time, and still managing to evade the question. </p><p>“Yes, but Penelope, look what happened to your father,” Anthony interjected softly. </p><p>“Those were my father’s careless decisions, not mine” Penelope said forcefully. </p><p>“Yes, but do you really think Weatherby was an asset to your father? Or do you think he was a liability?” Anthony asked her seriously. </p><p>Without a doubt, Penelope knew what the answer to that question was. Weatherby had been a liability, but her relationship with Weatherby was a much different relationship, then the one he supposedly had with her father. For one, her father had gambled on people and situations, for which he had no control over the results, and Penelope wouldn’t dare take a bet she would lose. She was a damn good chess player, and Weatherby for better or worse, was a damn good agent. </p><p>Anthony, Benedict, and Colin were rakes, and had been known to gamble on the occasional boxing match, but were not gamblers by nature. Although, Penelope could not see the Bridgerton brothers as the type of men who would support her “career” choices. If she couldn’t play chess, then she would be getting a fraction of her income just from her investments. Then there was Whistledown, which was easier to hide her earnings as part of the gambling profit, but Penelope knew one hard look at her financial sheets, and either her gambling or Whistledown secret would be exposed. </p><p>“If you haven’t noticed, I have been doing quite well, so I think that answers that question.” Penelope said firmly, but with a trace of annoyance. </p><p>“Okay, let’s come to an agreement. Let me look over your finances. It would help your sister's credibility if I saw their dowries for myself,” Anthony stated.</p><p>“Was that a question?” Penelope asked him, narrowing her eyes at his aristocratic patriarchal tone.  </p><p>“No,” Anthony stated firmly. “I should like to meet with Weatherby at the bank in regards to your estate. I am sure you’re well aware, but as a Viscount I have a lot of pull with the financial sector in the ton. So, say I were to suggest that we audit all of Weatherby’s clients for propriety's sake and routine inspection, I assume that you are listed under his clients?” Anthony asked in a most pseudo-pleasant voice.</p><p>“Is that a threat?” Penelope found herself asking in horror. To say that Penelope’s heart was beating faster every word Anthony spoke would be an understatement. </p><p>“Pen, are you alright?” Eloise asked her friend with concern. </p><p>The blood in Penelope’s face had drained away, and she felt like she was going to be sick. It would be just that easy for him to see what she didn’t want him too. She had no power to stop him. Penelope hadn’t felt this powerless since her father died. She hadn’t felt this powerless since before she created her persona of Lady Whistledown. </p><p>Lady Whistledown, chess, her appetite for dark liquors, it all stemmed from her need to be in control. She controlled which gossip was shared in Lady Whistledown. She was capable of dominating the 64 squares on a chessboard, and most of all she decided how much or how little she wanted to drink on any given night. </p><p>Anthony could snatch it all away, with a simple visit to the bank. Penelope didn’t doubt that if he wanted to see her papers, he only had to ask someone higher up than Weatherby to make him turn over her private documents. So now, Penelope had to get to the bank and be absolutely meticulous in reviewing her accounts, and make sure that even a man as smart as Anthony wouldn’t find anything amiss. Just some very good investment decisions. </p><p>Penelope found herself taking a deep breath, and giving all three Bridgertons across from her a most, unnaturally pleasant smile. “If that’s what you want,” Penelope said. </p><p>“I don’t want that. I’d much rather you just show me what you are so clearly trying to hide,” Anthony said frankly. </p><p>Penelope continued to give him the same fake smile, when it dawned on her, this was the way to bide time. If she was the one to just give him what he wanted, then she controlled what he saw. Penelope would just forage new documents to show him, that way all her underhanded dealings were more camouflaged. Anthony didn’t have a right to make any formal changes to her documents, and since he was only asking to visually see what she had, then Penelope in all her exhaustion and hungover glory had come up with a solution to her problem. </p><p>“Okay, Anthony. I’ll bring you my personal documents,” Penelope said amiably. </p><p>All four Bridgertons looked at Penelope, who’s smile had slowly morphed into something more genuine. After all her hesitancy and reluctance at the prospect of Anthony helping her, she was just going to hand him everything. </p><p>“What’s the catch, Penelope?” Benedict said eyeing the red-head in suspicion. </p><p>“No catch, but the agreement is you can see my account, but I am not giving you leave to run it. You may review it though. I’ll have Weatherby bring my accounts to the house, next saturday?” Penelope said. </p><p>“That’s a week away, though,” Anthony said. </p><p>“I don’t think you need to feel rushed to see my boring papers, besides, there is a ball at Lady Danbury’s this Saturday night and my sisters need a lot of preparation, they’ll be husband hunting and all,” Penelope said. </p><p>Eloise dropped her mouth open in shock at Penelope’s crass phrase of “husband hunting’. It was not a phrase ever uttered in the ton, but rather the young ladies were “promenading for suitors”. </p><p>“Where did you pick that phrase up from, Pen?” Eloise asked. </p><p>“Good question, I’d like to know too” Colin interjected. For some reason, the way Penelope had said ‘husband hunting’ had irked him. It was like she was disinterested in the whole idea of finding someone to marry. She hadn’t said “we’ll be husband hunting”, but instead “they’ll be husband hunting”. Colin hadn’t a clue who he would like to see Penelope matched with, but he didn’t want her to live the life of a spinster, or that of a woman alone without protection.</p><p>Leave it to the Bridgertons to find offense in the phrase, ‘husband hunting’. It was a harmless phrase, but Michael had used it back at the circus in London so many times, that Penelope couldn’t deny that, that was exactly what debutants in the ton were doing. Of course, it was offensive to both gentlemen and ladies in its implications that women were bloodthirsty predators, and men but helpless prey as different women tried to sink their claws into them in hopes of a marriage proposal. </p><p>“I must have heard it somewhere in the city,” Penelope said. </p><p>“The city you plan to return to alone?” Colin asked bitterly. </p><p>“The very same,” Penelope answered. </p><p>Every single Bridgerton in the carriage had come to a common conclusion, Penelope had secrets. This, they already knew, but Penelope was acting too calm now.</p><p>“Penelope,” Colin said, pulling Penelope’s attention away from the window, as they pulled up to the park. “You are really something wonderful, but don’t doubt for a second that my siblings and I will ever condone you throwing your life to the mercy of a man like Weatherby. Now...shall we?” Colin asked as the carriage pulled to a stop and he jumped out, holding his hand out for Penelope.</p><p>Everyone in the carriage looked between the determined Colin and stunned Penelope. </p><p>“This ought to be good,” Benedict whispered between Anthony and Eloise, who were also watching the scene play out with intrigue. </p><p>“Don’t worry, Colin. I’m at the mercy of no one. I would go as far as to say...they are at the mercy of me.” Penelope said climbing out of the carriage, taking Colin’s hand, and giving him a most deferential look. </p><p>Even as tired Penelope appeared, Colin couldn’t deny there was something in Penelope's eyes. The tiniest fire that burned within them, that set Colins heart racing. He had never seen a woman look so unintimidated by the three Bridgerton brothers who stood together in agreement. She looked like she knew something he didn’t, and while a large part of him hated that she had secrets he didn’t know anything about, a small part of him felt the thrilling sensation that could only be wrought by a challenging woman. A challenging, brilliant woman.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please leave me comments! Thanks!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Penelope Featherington had always had two dreams. The first dream had always been to marry Colin Bridgerton. The second dream had always been to end up absolutely nothing like Portia, Prudence, or Phillipa Featherington. Penelope had a decent education for a woman, but nothing like the likes of Anthony, Benedict, or Colin’s education. Still, Penelope knew herself to be a formidable and educated woman, even without the college education to say so. </p><p>Penelope had always had the talent of observation, as she was the child that was neither seen nor heard. It was Penelope who had seen and heard things. As a child, Penelope would listen outside her father’s study to all different kinds of business and financial discussions. She would even write things that she had heard down in her diary, so that she could research the meaning of different phrases or words later during her weekly visit to the library.</p><p>Penelope had never been satisfied with the idea of what a woman’s role in their society was. Portia had made sure of that. Penelope would often wonder how a woman could be content with only leisure at her disposal. Sure, there were merits to the security that marriage to an influential and wealthy man could offer her, but beyond security, Penelope wanted a purpose in life. A purpose other than pleasing her husband and bringing children into the world. Of course, Penelope would love to both please her husband and bear his children, but she also had to get more out of life. She had too. </p><p>It was perhaps why Penelope took it upon herself to learn chess, and listen to the tedious and often boring conversations that her father had in his study while she was still child. It wasn’t until Eloise and Penelope were both invited to more events as young ladies, preparing but not quite ready to enter society, that Penelope had learned that her mother and sisters weren’t the only gossipers in the ton. The things that Penelope had heard uttered about her own family, and that of other prominent families in the ton were simply shocking (perhaps not the gossip about her own family, but certainly others). Since Penelope was gifted with the ability to blend into almost any background, she never once felt like people suspected her of listening to their conversations. </p><p>So, it wasn’t until after she started writing down the gossip she had heard at such events in her diary that she realized what an interesting perspective she was building. For all the talk she had been raised with about the ton being a respectable society, there were a lot of things under the surface that could not be further from the definition of ‘respectable society’.  </p><p>Penelope had debated becoming Lady Whistledown for over a year, while she collected and categorized different bits of gossip about different families and individuals. The following season, Portia had told Penelope that she would be introduced into society beside her sisters, and that was when Penelope knew she had to make a choice. She would either build something for herself, or she would play the same stupid game as her sisters, while they waited for some surely unremarkable suitor to come and claim them and their dowry. </p><p>So, Penelope wrote a letter to a publisher in London, Mr. Lacey, with different samples of her writing as Lady Whistledown, with actual gossip she had collected, stating she would be happy to write an article for the papers 3 times a week during the season, and longer papers once a week in the off season. Penelope didn’t think she would hear back, but no less than two days after she had sent the letter, a private messenger had come to their house with a response. It had been pure luck, that her father had been away from the home, and that her mother and sisters had been at the modiste. None of the Featherington staff cared to pay particular notice that a private messenger had delivered a letter addressed to Penelope Featherington. </p><p>From that point on, she recruited Lucinda to help her with gaining secret transportation into London, so that she could meet with Mr. Lacey, sign a contract, and see how she would be getting paid. </p><p>Penelope had to sit and think about how exactly she could conceal her Whistledown earnings. She couldn’t have Mr. Lacey deposit her earnings into her father’s account, but that was the only account her family had. If a woman wanted to have a separate account from her family, she had to gain special permission from a husband or father. Penelope was not going to attempt to jump through hoops for the entertainment of bankers just to be denied a personal account, but then one evening, god bless her mother, because Portia said something about her deceased aunt that made Penelope’s ears perk. </p><p>If a deceased person had an estate, that had been left to a relative, and it remained unclaimed it would accrue interest. It didn’t matter why, but if someone wanted to put money into a dead person’s already existent estate, then they could, because the estate and papers were there. Penelope doubted her mother would ever collect her aunt's so-called decrepit fortune and estate, considering she never even bothered to look it over, so it was the perfect cover for hiding her earnings. </p><p>Penelope and Mr. Lacey worked as writer and publisher for over 3 years, with Penelope building a small fortune under her aunt's name. </p><p>Then her father had killed himself, and left her mother and sisters with nothing. </p><p>Playing chess used to be fun for Penelope, and she certainly remembered it being fun when she played with people at the circus. However, when Penelope played some of the best chess players in London, it had started out as fun, since it was the most challenging she had ever experienced, but still she won. She won every time, and people no longer felt safe betting against her. </p><p>That’s when Weatherby had told her one evening, shortly before she had planned to return with her family to the ton for the new season, that in order for them to up the ante, Penelope had to change how she played the game. </p><p>“What do you mean by changing how I play?” Penelope asked him as they slowly made their way from the club to Penelope’s temporary boarding home which wasn’t so many blocks away from each other.</p><p>“I mean, if you perhaps, played without a clear head,” Mr. Weatherby stated. </p><p>“Don’t be coy, just say it. They think they’ll be able to beat me if I overimbibe myself,” Penelope stated bitterly. </p><p>“You will not make money if you keep winning. I was wrong to ever think a woman could not be as good as a man at chess, but now is the time to take some losses,” Mr. Weatherby stated. </p><p>“How is that supposed to help, again?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Well, with every game you have won, more people are betting on you instead of against you. If no one bets against you, then no one loses money, and we don’t make money. So, we’ve got to up the ante. I can have the men bet on how many glasses of champagne you have to drink before the game, and have them bet on whether you can still beat them at a game of chess,’ Mr. Weatherby stated. </p><p>“How will they know I’m not faking or acting?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Well, I’ve already spoken to a member from the chess club, and he is one of the leaders of the group, and he says he’ll be the referee so to speak, to make sure you did drink the amount of champagne that will be agreed upon by the bets and earlier games of the members of the chess club,” Mr. Weatherby explained.</p><p>“So, they will control how drunk they want me to be, before sitting me in front of a chess board, betting that I’ll pass out flat on my face before the game even ends?” Penelope asked, staring ahead with wide eyes that flashed a mixture of concern and anger. </p><p>“Well, if that’s the way you want to put it, then yes, but Penelope here is the thing, you can’t lose, not all the time at least. Do you understand what I am saying?” </p><p>“You want me to win, even if I am completely drunk, and seeing double,” Penelope answered curtly, still staring ahead. </p><p>“Yes, now I must ask if that is even possible?” Mr. Weatherby said, turning to her. </p><p>Penelope waited a moment before speaking with a sigh, “just tell me which games you want me to lose beforehand”. </p><p>Mr. Weatherby looked down at her, with a smug smile of an arrogant man who certainly must have believed that he was the one using Penelope, and not the other way around. </p><p>“Thank you, Miss Featherington,” Mr. Weatherby said, kissing her hand like a gentleman, and departing in the opposite direction. </p><p>Penelope’s narrowed eyes followed his back, before she found herself looking at her hand in disgust and wiping it on her dress. “Gross,” she muttered. </p><p>Weatherby was not an attractive 40 year old bachelor, but he made himself good money. Penelope had to guess he hadn’t married yet, because he had a poor reputation, especially among members of the ton. Although, having a poor reputation wasn’t the same thing as having a destroyed reputation. There were very few men in the ton who could say they had sterling reputations, but even those with perfect reputations were only because they were discreet, not because they were innocent. </p><p>Perhaps, that's the real reason why Penelope decided to create Lady Whistledown, not to have a purpose, but to punish those who thought they were above the dangers of a gossiping woman. </p><p>Some family’s like Penelope’s suffered at the hands of those who gossiped cruelly behind their back, but then there were some families like the Bridgertons, who managed to rise above the people’s cruel words. Penelope supposed there was a difference between the Bridgertons and Featherington’s. The Bridgertons were envied, and so the people treated them deferentially. The Featherington’s were less refined, and so the people reviled them for it. </p><p>Penelope leveled the playing field as Lady Whistledown, that’s all. She had to sacrifice her own family at the altar of Lady Whistledown’s pen, but in doing so, she brought forward much bigger and uglier scandals about the people society clearly expressed an admiration for. </p><p>She also had to sacrifice Eloise, Colin, and the rest of the Bridgertons at the altar of her pen, but at the end of the day, Penelope hadn’t crossed a self-imposed ethical line. She hadn’t shared anything about the Bridgertons, that wasn’t obvious or already speculated upon by the public. </p><p>After the Bridgertons and Featherington’s picnic in the park things had been cordial between the two families. With Penelope’s offer to willingly allow Anthony to look over her bank documents, it seemed that at that point the Bridgertons didn’t have much to make complaints about. </p><p>Penelope still looked tired, but there was something relaxed in her as she helped her sisters pick out dresses. Penelope did her best to wear only simple, traditional clothing, a change from the usual colorful garbs her mother had forced on her before her father died. Penelope had been invisible even when she dressed like fruit, so she could only assume that her invisibility powers would increase tenfold if she wore the plainest gowns in the world. </p><p>Penelope had been excited about going to Lady Danbury’s ball, but she for some reason had an instinctual gut feeling that something would go terribly, terribly wrong that night. There had been talk around the ton, that Lady D invited special performers to her ball, but Penelope feared the fact that no one knew who.  Penelope thought that there was a very good chance that it was not Michael, and his circus. But then there was a small, very paranoid part of her, that thought it very well could be.</p><p>Penelope needed to keep a low profile. If Michael was in the ton, then he would endanger that. She needed to be invisible, find her sisters gentlemen, sign some papers, and leave town. </p><p>Mr. Weatherby and her had done their best to keep her identity a secret among the upper echelons of society. In fact, she wore a disguise whenever she went to chess matches with Weatherby. She owned a very fine brunette wig she kept in her room at the boarding house. She paired the brunette curly updo wig with a masquerade mask, and the most gorgeous black gown she had ever owned. It displayed her most womanly assets, but was still society’s definition of appropriate. She also did her makeup quite...extra, Penelope supposed. She would wear ruby red lipstick, darken her eyebrows and eyelashes and added rouge and other face powder to make her complexion glow. </p><p>Defeating some of the most clever chess players in London, while wearing a dress that made Penelope feel sexy was an indescribable feeling. </p><p>And Penelope supposed that was the real reason she knew she couldn’t stay in the ton forever, and why it was imperative her identity remained anonymous until her sisters married. Should any of the men she gambled with be at Lady D’s ball, then they might recognize her and sully her and her family’s reputation. Unlike the small fear she had of Michael being at the ball, she knew that there would undoubtedly be several men she recognized from the chess matches. She might even have played a few of them. Penelope knew this because Weatherby would without a doubt be at Lady D’s ball as well, but he told her if she remained under the radar she should have no reason to fear exposure. </p><p>Penelope thought that was reasonable, considering many of the gentlemen that attended her chess matches and gambled, were usually inebriated, and no one seemed especially fascinated with her, but more irritated with her. They wanted to beat her. They wanted one of “their own” to win, which is why they made her “even the playing field” by also partaking in drinks before the match. But they weren’t evening the playing field, not when they tossed numbers in a hat, made bets on which number would get picked, only for her to sit in the disturbing company of man who had exposed his genitals to her while counting how many drinks she drank, when Weatherby had stepped out of the room for a few moments. </p><p>It was one of the darkest, and most humiliating moments of her life. A man had exposed himself to her, treating her in the manner, he must have treated ladies of the night. Who in Penelope’s opinion were ladies and business women, all the same. Penelope had realized in disgust that by her committing a supposed “social indecency” of showing up to a house full of drunk gambling men, in the late hours of the evening, without a proper chaperone, to in turn gamble herself, must of led the bastard to believe he could treat her like she had invited his crass attention. </p><p>Penelope had briefly read a few pages and saw a few pictures about human anatomy while at the library, she knew her mother would be suspicious if she checked out a book with pictures of naked people in it. So, a blossoming young Penelope had given herself a crash course on both the male and female anatomy and put two and two together in her mind. </p><p>Penelope had been so afraid as he looked at her with his exposed penis, but she had cast her eyes away, and prepared herself to scream, but instead found her voice. </p><p>“You may not know who I am, Mr. Kraft, but I know who you are. If you do not cease this most disgusting, and appalling display, I will make sure all of London also knows exactly who you are. A perverted. Fucking. Arsehole.” Penelope gritted out angrily. “Do it now!” Penelope shouted loud enough that it might be heard in the opposite room regardless of the loud party within. </p><p>It seemed Mr. Kraft had been disturbed that she did in fact know his name, and shocked that a woman had the audacity to speak to him like that. The women that made Mr. Kraft’s acquaintance during the late hours of the evening, would typically indulge his disgusting unsolicited behavior with some obvious distaste, but they certainly had never dared to threaten to drag his name through the mud. Mr. Kraft had tucked himself away and left the room, muttering something about her being an “unrefined bitch.” </p><p>Penelope had then let the tears fall during her brief reprieve before Weatherby returned. Penelope deep down knew that she had done nothing, absolutely nothing, to deserve what had happened to her. No one could do anything to deserve such treatment. But if anyone knew how society thought as a collective, it would be Penelope, and society would say that her behavior had brought on such unwanted attention. </p><p>Penelope knew that something had hardened inside her from that moment forward. It was the moment she learned that not all men treated women of equal respect. It had been ignorant of her to believe that all “gentlemen” really had her best interests in mind, like her mother and father had taught her. In all reality, Penelope knew she should have learned that lesson the second her father had killed himself and abandoned their family.</p><p>Then she met Michael, and reconnected with Mr. Weatherby. Neither men were anything alike, but she knew that both men had enough decency to never have committed such an abhorrent unsolicited advance in the company of her or anybody else.  </p><p>When Weatherby returned she told him very clearly that she wanted to hire a personal driver at her disposal for the rest of their time in the city, and that he was never, ever to leave her unaccompanied at their matches ever again. He’d asked her what happened and she told him that she wouldn’t acknowledge the experience with any further explanation. Mr. Kraft may not have touched her or made her touch him physically, but Penelope felt dirty, and as if he had touched her, affected her, in some life-altering way that she couldn’t fathom to begin processing.</p><p>So Penelope suppressed it. She wouldn’t think about it or talk about it. She would be blamed by society, even if it hadn’t been her fault. It was around that time too, she realized her enjoyment for writing as Whistledown had died. She purported society's very thoughts on paper. All the times she had reported that a couple had been missing from the party without a proper chaperone, for much too long, that then resulted in the couple being married to avoid further scandal, that her column would inevitably reveal to her readers. </p><p>Penelope had wished she could quit Whistledown cold turkey, but she couldn’t do that. Not yet. </p><p>Besides, Penelope almost certainly knew she would be needing her Whistledown powers to explain whatever could possibly go wrong at Lady D’s ball that evening. </p><p>Penelope had arrived alongside Eloise, Francesca, and Lady Bridgerton, along with Prudence, Philippa, and her mother, Portia. All three of the eldest Bridgerton boys arrived on horseback beside the carriage. </p><p>Once inside, the ball room was filled with people, and decorated in bright colors, which reminded Penelope of her time at Cirque Du Delaney. That’s the exact moment that Penelope’s stomach dropped. It gave her so many Cirque Du Delaney comparisons, that she felt she might be sick. </p><p>That’s when she saw him. Standing next to Lady Danbury. Being introduced to the Queen. Michael Delaney. </p><p>Penelope nearly tripped upon her entrance into the ball room, but then a hand grabbed her upper arm to steady her. </p><p>“You alright?” Colin asked with one of those smirks that usually took Penelope’s breath away. Although seeing Michael had already stolen her breath, so now she found herself not breathing at all. </p><p>“Oh, thank you, Colin. I’m fine.” Penelope said, immediately feeling the heat from the ballroom and reaching for one of the hand fans that was laid out on a table for when the ballroom became intolerably hot. </p><p>“Are you feeling alright?” Colin asked concernedly. </p><p>Colin had finally noticed that Penelope wasn’t wearing a yellow dress. That she was wearing something akin to what his own sisters would wear, which truly paled in comparison to the dresses her mother and sisters were fashioned in. Penelope looked flushed and flustered, and that’s when Colin realized something else. </p><p>Colin Bridgerton was in love with Penelope Featherington. Or that’s what it felt like to Colin. </p><p>He realized as he watched Penelope swallow nervously, while frantically waving the hand fan back in forth in an effort to cool her face and chest, that he had never felt such an overwhelming need to to pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless. Kiss Penelope Featherington senseless, in the middle of the ballroom, where everyone in the ton would see them. </p><p>They’d have to be married after such a display. There was no way around it. </p><p>But Colin was a gentleman, and he would never endanger Penelope’s virtue by kissing her outside of their betrothal. </p><p>Their betrothal. As in Colin and Penelope’s betrothal because there would be no one else for Penelope. No one but Colin. </p><p>Colin looked at Penelope and saw that her eyes were getting wider and that she was looking for what appeared to be an escape. An escape from what? Colin followed Penelope’s eyeline and saw that Lady Danbury was walking towards them with a tall, handsome gentleman that could have been a Bridgerton just based on his looks. </p><p>“Ah, Miss Featherington, Mr. Bridgerton. Lovely that you could make it this evening. I’d like to introduce you to Mr. Delaney. He owns the Cirque du Delaney in the London city area. Him and his circus will be performing a few acts for us this evening, and then I believe he will be staying in the ton, and producing a few full shows for our fair town, including her majesty the Queen,” Lady Danbury said quite proudly gesturing to the handsome man who had been staring at Penelope with an intensity that Colin did not approve of. </p><p>It seemed that Lady Danbury and Colin both noticed the intense looks that both Penelope and Michael were giving each other, before Colin had finally caught Penelope’s eye. She looked scared, embarrassed, and completely at a loss. Michael looked like his easy going smile he had been wearing while on Lady Danbury’s arm was slowly disappearing at the look in Penelope’s eyes. It also seemed like he was looking to her to speak first. </p><p>Finally, with all three pairs of eyes on Penelope, who was still fluttering the fan in front of her face as she appeared lost in thought, she realized that they were looking at her for a response. Well, Michael was. Because Penelope knew that Michael would follow her lead.</p><p>A part of Penelope really wanted to act like this was the first time she was meeting Michael, but a much bigger part was telling her that she would hate herself if she feigned not knowing him. He was a ringleader, a performer, and his show had been looked down by members of London's high society for years. Now, Lady Danbury had just gone and made him acceptable. Gone and introduced him to a bored queen, who would undoubtedly be amazed by his show, just as she had been. </p><p>So, Penelope made a choice. “Mr. Delaney, what a pleasure to see you again,” Penelope said in a choked but pleasant voice. Then Michael’s face broke out into a huge grin. </p><p>“The pleasure is all mine, Miss Featherington. We’ve missed you,” Michael said vaguely. </p><p>“We?” Lady Danbury asked, surprised. Once again, it appeared that Michael waited for Penelope to speak first. </p><p>“Yes...well, I actually met Mr. Delaney and the rest of his cast in London, while my family was...vacationing there, this last fall,” Penelope explained. Everyone knew they weren’t vacationing in the city, but no one would edify her on that point. </p><p>“Well, how interesting Penelope! How did you two get acquainted?” Lady Danbury asked with intrigue. </p><p>Colin had been eyeing up Michael Delaney the entire time Penelope, Lady Danbury, and...Mr. Delaney were exchanging pleasantries. The only reason that Colin was certain he was remaining so silent was because his jaw was clenched tightly, and he found himself invested in hearing how Penelope and Delaney knew each other. </p><p>“I...well, I...we…” Penelope started with a stutter, that made it clear she was quite literally at a loss of words. </p><p>“Miss Featherington stumbled upon my circus, and proceeded to offer me some sound business advice, so I hired her as a consultant for a short time,” Michael said for Penelope. Who had been looking at Michael with wide eyes, before they lost focus on his face and seemed to stare off into space, and then she gave her head a tip to the side, indicating that she was remembering something or making sense of something. Finally, Penelope drew her eyes back up to Michael, and gave him a tight smile. </p><p>“Yep. That’s right.” Penelope said. </p><p>“How interesting, that’s quite an uncommon arrangement. Good for you dear, now if you’ll excuse us, I must introduce Mr. Delaney to everyone,” Lady Danbury said with an exasperated whisper. </p><p>“Before we leave, Miss Featherington, might you save me a dance?” Michael asked her. </p><p>“I believe her card is full,” Colin interrupted, finally adding something to the conversation. </p><p>“No it’s not!” Penelope said with a quiet gasp. </p><p>“Of course it is, between our usual dances, and Anthony and Benedict wanting to-“ Colin started but was cut off by Penelope.</p><p>“Anthony? Benedict?” Penelope said in absolute shock with a hint of chuckle. “No, Colin, I do believe if either of your brothers would like to dance with me, then they can ask me themselves. Otherwise, I have quite a lot of blank spaces on my dance card, and I should like to take Mike-Mr. Delaney, up on his offer to dance. And since you are the guest of honor, Mr. Delaney, then you may fetch me at the most opportune time for you, and I assure you, I will be ready to dance,” Penelope said, gaining strength behind her tone with every sentence. </p><p>Michael gave her a smile, reached for the hand that wasn’t being used to cool herself down and gently kissed her hand. Oh Colin wished he could snap the smug man’s arm off. </p><p>After Mr. Delaney and Lady Danbury had made their exit to continue their introductory rounds around the ballroom, Colin found himself looking at nothing.</p><p>Because of course, Penelope had taken her leave while Colin had been distracted. Although, now that Colin had decided that Penelope would be his wife, he felt an all new overwhelming sense of excitement at the prospect of uncovering everything about Penelope Featherington.</p><p>Colin would without a doubt uncover Penelope Featherington’s secrets and otherwise.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for the feedback you've been leaving in the comments! It makes me excited to continue writing this story when I know that you are excited to read more, so please, please keep supplying me with your comments and feedback! I get excited every time I get a notification that someone left a comment or kudos, and it fuels my imagination for what I want in the next update. So, yeah! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Colin Bridgerton had spent the better part of 20 minutes tracking down the whereabouts of Penelope Featherington. </p><p>There were so many questions that Colin needed to ask Penelope following their conversation with Lady Danbury and Mr. Delaney. While Penelope and her family had shared only tidbits of information about their time in London, the Bridgertons had yet to cultivate a complete narrative for what Penelope was doing in the months they had dissapeared. They knew she was making money, and they hoped to solve for how she was doing it so successfully by reviewing her bank documents. Penelope had relented to show Anthony (and therefore Benedict and Colin) as much the following Saturday, but now Colin had discovered a new puzzle piece. </p><p>Penelope had worked for Cirque Du Delaney...as a consultant. What did that even mean? What ability did Penelope have to give to a circus show that had been universally reviled among the ton, due to theatrical critics' harsh reviews in the paper. Members of ton often went to the opera and plays, but the circus had been largely ignored as an entertainment medium among the upper class. Until, now that was. </p><p>It seemed that everyone seemed completely charmed by the fantastical presentation that decorated Lady Danbury’s ballroom. Even the Queen seemed to be enjoying herself. That’s when Colin noticed that there were different areas around the room captivating people’s attention. Different people, that was, Colin found himself correcting. There were different performers doing different tricks, and everyone seemed enthralled. Colin would have been enthralled with a few performers himself, if the fact that he couldn’t find Penelope hadn’t been so distracting. </p><p>Finally, after navigating the entire ballroom, he found Penelope in a secluded area of the large foyer, whispering with a woman, and a young girl who was clutching Penelope’s dress and hugging her around the waist. Penelope looked to be having a serious conversation with the woman, but still she seemed relaxed with the young girl, as she petted the girls hair in a soothing motion. </p><p>Colin didn’t want to interrupt them, and Penelope had yet to notice him. Colin looked around the room and saw that there were multiple small parties who were enjoying each other’s company away from all the excitement in the ballroom. Colin knew that eavesdropping was a heinous breach of respect and privacy, but frankly that had never stopped him before. </p><p>Penelope had been so distant since she had returned to the ton. Colin knew what it was like to lose a father, but he could also acknowledge he had no idea what it was like for an entire family of women to lose the only patriarch that could support and provide for them. </p><p>Anthony had just started university when their father had died, and while Colin was only a boy, he saw that Anthony and his mother’s relationship was forever changed. Colin knew his family’s estate was large and vast, and that his mother had been working alongside his father for years, and that was why his mother was expert when it came to running the household account. However, a viscount's responsibilities exceeded what his mother knew how to manage, and it had been a blessing that their father had departed enough knowledge unto Anthony about their estate before he had passed. </p><p>So, in a lot of ways, Colin conceded, their situations couldn’t compare. However, it did reaffirm the gratefulness that Colin felt toward his mother and siblings, and it also reaffirmed the reason why Colin (and his entire family) felt such responsibility to the Featherington's. Most especially Penelope. Colin and his brothers would not back down from helping Penelope, because when they (Colin excluded) looked at Penelope they saw someone who was not family, but felt like family in a most sistery sense, and none of the Bridgerton boys ever wanted to picture their mother or sisters in Portia and Penelope’s shoes. </p><p>There was no use in thinking about “what if”, but had Violet never conceived a son, and still lost her husband, then she would have lost a huge chunk of her husband's estate, and would only have had whatever money had been put aside to see his daughters married, and perhaps some savings to see them moved to a small cottage property, that would have been hopefully allotted to them by the new Viscount. </p><p>Colin was still coming down from the adrenaline rush of both realizing that he desperately needed to marry Penelope, and the fact that she had actually worked at a circus. It was most certainly an usual arrangement that Penelope went to the bank and regularly consulted with investment bankers, but it was not a completely crazy arrangement either. Penelope, actually working, as in providing services in exchange for monetary compensation, well that was perhaps a little crazy. </p><p>Women in the ton did not work. They were not raised to work. They were raised to find a husband who worked. </p><p>As Colin watched Penelope mindlessly playing with the little girl's hair, while she seemingly spoke with what might have been the girl's mother, Colin had another realization. A realization beyond knowing that Penelope no longer cared about society and longed to return to the city on her own. A realization beyond knowing he wanted to marry her, and deep down had probably wanted to since the day she walked out of his life and left a hole in its wake. A realization that would dictate his actions that evening. Colin realized he really and truly did not know anything about Penelope Featherington. </p><p>How had Colin Bridgerton been able to fall in love with a woman, a woman who was both so familiar and yet so completely foreign to him? He had talked to her so many times over the years, and he had danced with her at too many balls to count, but had he really ever taken the time to know her? </p><p>Colin thought he knew Penelope. He knew she was witty. He knew she was intelligent. He knew she was the only interesting conversationalist out of her entire family, and he knew that she hated the color yellow. And yet, he didn’t think he knew any of the things that really mattered. They had covered enough small talk conversations to last them a lifetime, but they had never discussed the things that might have mattered. </p><p>He supposed that was his fault. He was the gentleman, and she was the lady. If he had wanted to court her, he should have done it. But, the sad truth of the matter was that while it had been only 20 minutes ago he had decided that he would make Penelope his wife, it had been months and months ago since he had been unable to stop thinking about Penelope. Before she left, it was like she had been just a mere fixture in his life that neither positively or negatively affected him. Then when she had left the ton without his knowledge, her dissapearance had certainly made an impact on him, indeed. </p><p>Last Summer, when he had read Whistledown’s report on Penelope and her family having no dowries, and their plans to leave the ton until the following spring, he could hardly contain himself as he jumped at the offer to escort Eloise to the Featherigton’s home. It was when the unfamiliar butler had answered the door and stated that the late Mr. Featheringtons widow and daughters had departed for London, that Colin’s face turned red and the tick in his jaw appeared. He had been mad. Really mad. </p><p>Colin, like Anthony and Benedict, couldn’t fathom why Penelope hadn’t reached out for help. The Featherington’s had never had an especially strong support system in the ton, but they were all sure that Penelope knew that the Bridgertons would stand behind her. So, it was quite literally shocking that the Featherington’s had chosen to spirit themselves into the city, in the middle of night rather than seek out allies in the ton (most obviously being the Bridgertons). </p><p>Colin had yet to apologize for it, but in the time that Penelope had been missing, he had blamed himself, and he had even blamed some of his siblings. The Bridgertons had thought they were being respectful by giving the Featherington’s space, and waiting for Portia or Penelope to come to them. Instead, Colin should have gone to her sooner. Tried to help her sooner. If Penelope believed she was alone, and that Colin and the rest of the Bridgertons didn’t care for her, then they only had themselves to blame. </p><p>However, the past could not be undone, and now Penelope and her entire family were resisting the Bridgertons aid. So, it left Colin with no choice. He had to eavesdrop on Penelope’s conversation. Penelope wasn’t giving him the facts. So, it was clear he had to get them on his own.</p><p>Colin had weaved his way through some of the small groups, as he interacted with a few of the party goers he was acquainted with. It was a miracle that Penelope had given him her back, as he finally found an eldery gentleman sitting on a furnished bench alone near enough to Penelope that he could hear their hushed tones. </p><p>Colin shook the eldery gentleman's hand as he took the seat next to him, sending a silent thanks to the powers at work, that the silent and ancient elderly gentlemen would help disguise Colin’s true intentions. </p><p>“I still can’t believe we came...Michael should’a known better,” the woman said with a thick Irish accent and a disappointed shake of the head. The woman was dressed like an upper class governess at a dinner party, and the girl was dressed in a nice frilly light blue frock, but there was something about the way the woman spoke that made Colin think she wasn’t a governess. Or the little girl's mother. </p><p>“No...No I’m so glad you all came. This was the opportunity of a lifetime for him and you, and everybody else. To gain both London’s high society, and her majesty the Queen’s favor, well it’ll change the show’s reputation, and there is no reason to regret that,” Penelope offered kindly and solemnly. </p><p>“I know, but that man knew why he needed to stay away, Miss P. I told him ya wouldn’t be happy,” the woman responded. </p><p>“I am happy. I am,” Penelope said forcefully, pulling the little girl closer to her. “I just would have preferred having a little warning in advance,” Penelope said sheepishly. </p><p>“Well, haven’t ya been getting his letters? Didn’t ya get mine? I know you said ya wouldn’t be able to write back often, but I know for a fact we both sent ya a letter,” the woman said perplexed. </p><p>“Oh,” Penelope said softly. </p><p>“You’ve been getting them, haven’t ya?” the woman asked again. </p><p>“I-I might have,” Penelope said guiltily. </p><p>“I’ll be fair with ya, I only wrote ya the one letter, but I know that man has been writing you almost every day. Have ya been doing alright? Are ya eating and sleeping? Michael was telling me ‘bout how worried he was about ya coming back to this place. It’s no good for your soul, but at least it makes sense now,” the woman said with a sigh. </p><p>“What do you mean?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Why we came. I told him we shouldn’t, but he insisted that he couldn’t refuse the offer, why I bet if you had just written the poor fellow back he would have stayed away,” the woman said with a hint of motherly disappointment. </p><p>“I’ve been here less than two weeks!” Penelope said in quiet outrage. </p><p>“Aye, ya have. But he must have written you three or four novels of a letter at least,” the woman replied. </p><p>“Chrissy, it’s been less than two weeks. I told you both I wouldn’t be able to write much correspondence for at least a few weeks until I was settled in,” Penelope said. </p><p>The woman called Chrissy stared at Penelope with a frown. “So ya did. As I was sayin, I told Michael we should not have come,” The woman named Chrissy, replied with a shrug. </p><p>“So you did,” Penelope said kindly as she hugged the girl closer. Colin could hear the smile in her voice. </p><p>“Well, it’s only been a couple of days, I know Miss. P, but it’s not been the same without ya. I don’t think Michael could resist staying away, ‘specially after he got that letter from Lady Danbury. He’d already been fretting ‘bout ya, and then the perfect excuse just came along, I suppose,” Chrissy stated.</p><p>“Perfect excuse, indeed,” Penelope replied. Finally she returned her attention to the little girl whom she had been holding. “Morgan, I am so happy to see you, sweetie, but I must return to the party, okay?” Penelope asked the little girl. </p><p>“Oh, Pen! Daddy’s been so miserable without you! Promise me you’ll come home with us?” the girl called Morgan exclaimed. </p><p>That was the moment Colin had inadvertently lost focus on the conversation. Daddy? Who was Daddy? Was Mr. Delaney, Daddy? </p><p>Michael Delaney had a daughter. </p><p>Michael Delaney had a daughter, who was attached to Penelope. </p><p>The situation had just got a whole lot more overwhelming, confusing, and shocking for Colin Bridgerton. It had been so shocking that he hadn’t even heard what Penelope had said to the little girl to get her to release her death grip around her waist to smile and run to hug her...Chrissy. Mother? Colin had a feeling, Chrissy was not the girl's mother, but a sort of governess.</p><p>Colin had ducked his head just as Penelope was making her goodbyes to walk past him and back into the ballroom. </p><p>To say that Colin was experiencing a state of shock, would be a grievous understatement. </p><p>He knew nothing about the woman he had decided to make his wife. Positively nothing. And it angered him. It angered him to no end that he had always thought that Penelope was an open book, when she was as closed off as one could be. Penelope had been so unwilling to provide him and his family with the answers they had all been so clearly attempting to coax out of her. </p><p>So, Colin made a second critical decision that evening. He decided that he would keep his distance from Penelope throughout the evening. If only so he wouldn’t be caught while he was observing her. Penelope was a wallflower, it was easy to lose her if one wasn’t paying close enough attention. And Colin knew she would just sneak away from him if he tried to keep her at his side and not let her move around the ballroom independently. And he’d get a lot less information by inhibiting her activities. </p><p>It was clear that Penelope thought she was invisible enough to get away with speaking to the infamous Mr. Delaney’s governess and (possible) child, without notice. But Colin had noticed. Colin would make sure to notice everything about Penelope this evening. </p><p>Penelope had gone to stand with his mother, and her mother while they all partook in a glass of champagne together, giggling and admiring the room. It was uncommon for an unmarried woman to drink champagne instead of something like lemonade, but it seemed no one would fault her for her drink choice. After he saw her finish her first glass of champagne, he saw her reach for another. Then again, both Violet and Portia had also reached for their second glasses. Eventually, she left their mother’s and went to speak with other guests, while they admired the performers. </p><p>It seemed that Penelope would then formally introduce the different performers to Lady Danbury’s guests. It seemed to shock both the performers and the members of ton that Penelope was acknowledging her past exposure with the circus. </p><p>Colin had overheard one such conversation, after Penelope had introduced a self-proclaimed contortionist named Bridgette to Lord and Lady Crest. </p><p>“Lord and Lady Crest, might I introduce you to Bridgette. She’s rather a spectacular performer, don’t you think?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Why yes! Quite a remarkable set of skills you have there, dear,” Lady Crest said to Bridgette. </p><p>“Thank you, my Lady,” Bridgette replied demurely. </p><p>“How do you know, Miss Featherington?” Lady Crest asked Bridgette. Immediately Bridgette cast her eyes to Penelope’s face. </p><p>“I worked at the circus, as a consultant, for a short while, during my stay in the city,” Penelope said pausing between the short phrases while giving Bridgette a look that Colin surmised could only be deciphered by Bridgette herself. </p><p>“Oh, I see,” Lady Crest said, turning her attention to Penelope. </p><p>Colin had no clue what Penelope was doing. Broadcasting her prior employment at Delaney’s circus was a positively dangerous game to play among members of the ton. They would judge her and elevate her story to scandalous heights if they so chose too. It was most especially daring that Penelope was sharing this information, unsolicited, with a woman like Lady Crest, who was one of the ton’s leading gossips. It had even been speculated on whether Lady Crest herself was actually Lady Whistledown. </p><p>Penelope would surely not want her connection to the circus to be the reason why her sisters would be unable to find suitors. </p><p>“Yes,” Penelope replied with a quaint smile. “You see, Mr. Delaney’s circus is all the rage in the city right now. I stumbled upon it myself just a few months ago, and like you, was completely enamored with the performances. Although, and do forgive me Bridgette, I thought there were parts of the show, at the time of course, lacking in the vibrancy and spectacle that a show like this so clearly deserves. As you know, my mother raised my sisters and I with some of the best musical and dancing education that London has to offer. So, I merely gave Mr. Delaney and his cast a few suggestions and lessons in the art of...higher enteraintment,” Penelope explained. </p><p>Bridgette looked between Penelope and Lady Crest, and seemed to be nodding and encouraging the veracity of Penelope’s statement. </p><p>“I see,” Lady Crest repeated, giving Penelope a tight smile.  </p><p>“Yes, of course, I hope you do. Now, you’ll have to excuse me, Lady Crest, Lord Crest,” and then she turned to Bridgette, “Bridgette,” as she gave each of the members in the group a nod of farewell. </p><p>That was near verbatim the same speech she gave to several other prominent families that Penelope was acquainted with as she introduced them to the different performers. It was certainly a plausible explanation, and Colin had no reason to believe that she was lying about it. It was only interesting that Penelope was pedalling this information herself, throughout the ballroom. On one hand, Colin thought that Penelope was giving the members of the ton too much power to damage her reputation, but he could also see the flip side, where Peneleope was setting the story straight before anyone could try to twist the meaning of “consultation” into something else entirely. </p><p>If Penelope was successful, Lady Whistledown would report Penelope's version of the story, and if she failed, then they would surely find out the reason on Monday’s edition of Lady Whistledown. </p><p>After watching Penelope finish her fifth glass of Champagne, which was on average, due to the minute size of the glasses, what even his own mother typically partook in during a ball, he saw her leave the ballroom. He followed her, but had lost her in the foyer. So, he decided to stay near the entrance that she had exited through until she returned. </p><p>She returned to the room less than 10 minutes later, and started on her 6th glass of champagne, and that was when Colin had decided that it was time he and Penelope danced. </p><p>“Pen!” Colin called to her as he made his way towards her. She looked over at Colin and gave him a small smile in greeting. When he had finally made his way to her side, and before he could stop and realize how stupid he was about to sound, he said “I’ve missed you,”. </p><p>Penelope couldn’t contain the unlady like snort that escaped her lips. “Missed me? Colin, we’ve been in the same room all evening, and to top it all off, I am quite literally living with your family,” Penelope laughed. </p><p>“I know,” Colin said sheepishly, “but irregardless, I believe you owe me a dance,”. </p><p>“Oh, yes, is it that time of the evening already?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“What do you mean?” Colin replied perplexed. </p><p>“I mean, have you already danced with all the little incomparables of the season?” Penelope asked. </p><p>So, that was why Anthony had noticed Penelope was drunk in the carriage. There was something about the bitterness in her voice, that gave away the fact that she couldn’t hide her feelings anymore. Penelope who was usually so very refined and in control at social events, had let her guard come down with every glass of champagne she had drank. </p><p>Penelope had hated the way she sounded, she sounded jealous and petty. Penelope then looked at Colin who had been staring at her with unidentifiably expressive eyes, and she felt bad. “I’m sorry, Colin. It’s been such a long evening, but I would love to have this next dance with you,” Penelope said putting her drink down, and taking his hand. Usually the lady took the gentlemen's hand, and not the other way around, but Penelope simply did not care. </p><p>Penelope and Colin ended up dancing together for three dances back to back before they decided it was definitely time for a break, so they went to get some refreshments. It was Penelope's seventh glass of champagne, and Colin noted with some growing concern that his mother would usually be behaving quite silly after that much alcohol. It seemed that Penelope was able to tolerate champagne quite well. Too well, perhaps. </p><p>Eventually Prudence and Phillipa had joined Colin and Penelope at the refreshment table gushing about how Anthony had introduced them to some “handsome” eligible suitors. Suitors, Penelope noted, that the Featherington sisters were quite familiar with, but certainly had never given them the time of day, not while their father had been alive. It was, Penelope conceded, because of the Bridgertons and most specifically  Anthony’s attention that reinstated the already lowly and damaged Featherington name to a place of societal intrigue and bare minimum acceptance. </p><p>It was with some reluctance that Penelope knew she would have to tell Anthony thank you, for having been the one to make introductions for her sisters. She would especially have to thank him if any of these allegedly handsome eligible suitors actually called upon her sisters the next morning. </p><p>Penelope would have been helping her sisters that evening, had it not turned into a complete nightmare a mere 10 seconds after they had entered the ballroom. Anthony had already insisted that he knew just the men that Prudence and Phillipa should be introduced too, and Penelope had wanted to tag along to see which of the men he had in mind, but then...she saw Michael. And when she had made the decision to acknowledge Michael, and Michael had made the decision to refer to her as a consultant, she knew that her nice evening had ended, before it had even begun. So, Penelope had sent herself out on damage control, while she patiently waited for Michael to fetch her for a dance. </p><p>Penelope was tired, and she really wanted to leave the most anxiety-inducing ball she had ever been too, but she would be damned before she left Lady D’s ball without speaking to Michael. </p><p>Penelope desperately needed to speak to Michael. She had a feeling that if her story had somehow made its way through the ballroom and back to Michael and Lady D, he would simply confirm it. She had a lot of faith that she wasn’t going to be a topic of conversation among him and the members of the ton with whom he was currently making introductions with. Although, faith was not fact, and she feared what things he could say that might damage her, without him even trying to damage her.</p><p>That was why Penelope had told him that if he could avoid traveling to the ton, especially while she was still there trying to see her sisters married, then she would be most grateful.</p><p>Although, Penelope hadn’t outright forbidden him from entering the ton. She knew that if Michael had gotten an invitation from someone like Lady Danbury or another prominent family who championed the arts, that she wouldn’t want him to turn down the opportunity, because it would bring credibility to his show and his cast. She wanted that for them, and that’s why she really and truly had taught them to dance with choreography instead of the freestyle and amateur approach they had to dance before she had met them. She had also helped write songs for them, with her being quite a good writer and all. Penelope had been given a music education that had made it easy for her to write music, but she had never utilized that ability before. Penelope had enjoyed playing the piano well enough, but she’d rather liked reading, writing, and playing chess more. Besides, it was Prudence and Phillipa who were supposed to be the musical prodigies in their family. </p><p>Penelope just hoped, for obvious reasons, that he didn’t mention the fact she played chess for money, and even occasionally performed with the cast. Women who performed, or even made easy by playing a simple game of chess, were simply deemed as less than among the ton. They were deemed as the lowest form of the working class, and any working class woman did not have a place in the ton, unless they were maids, and governesses. </p><p>Penelope knew that having Lady Whistledown at her disposal, was the only reason she might be able to salvage the situation. She couldn’t simply not report on the gossip surrounding herself, but she knew that it was pivotal that she maintained Lady Whistledown’s haughty, arrogant, and downright (regrettably) judgmental tone. </p><p>She had to get the story just right. She would have to skewer herself in Monday’s paper, over the fact she worked at the circus, but if the way in which she worked for the circus sounded at least moderately appropriate, then she could survive the rest of the social season. </p><p>If Michael uttered anything to the contrary, she’d be signing her and her family’s social death warrant. </p><p>Penelope couldn’t stop drinking. It was the only thing keeping her calm. It was the only thing that was keeping her from bursting out of her skin. It made her feel like anything could happen, and it would all be alright. Except, it wouldn’t be alright if it got out that she gambled, and played chess for money, something that society would liken to a common beggar. It was work in exchange for money, but playing chess for mere shillings would not be seen as respectable in the ton, not in a million years. So, after society mercilessly reviled her for playing chess at the circus, then the attacks on her virtue would begin. </p><p>They would question if she had been properly chaperoned. They would question what other things she had done for surely just a couple of pence. Then, they would question how she had restored such sizable dowries over an arguably short period of time. </p><p>Penelope had seen it all play out in her head. Her self preservation would make her Whistledown sound too forgiving and sympathetic to the same girl whom she’d relentlessly teased in front of the public for years. She of course had been in control of all the defamation and bullying she had put herself through in front of the public, but that gossip was controllable. </p><p>She would not be able to control this story. She, of course, could just choose not to write about it in Whistledown, but it would be much too juicy of gossip for Whistledown not to know about, especially if everyone else knew about it. That would make her Whistledown suspect number one, indeed. </p><p>After about 20 minutes being surrounded by her sisters, and Colin, Michael finally made his approach. </p><p>“Hello, Miss Featherington, uh, Miss Featherington, and Miss Featherington, and if I recall correctly, Mr. Bridgers?” Michael said joining the group, after what must have been several hours of being paraded around the ballroom on Lady Danbury’s arm. A small price to pay for notoriety, really. </p><p>Penelope shot him a look, he knew what Colin’s last name was. She’s probably mentioned him and his family one too many times back in the city, in addition he had to have met at least several other Bridgertons that evening. </p><p>“Bridgerton, actually” Colin said in a tight voice as he looked Michael up and down. </p><p>“So it is, Miss Featherington, might you be available for that dance we talked about?” Michael asked Penelope.<br/>
Penelope gave him a small smile, before she put her drink down and took the hand that he had offered to her. Even Michael had been surprised that Colin hadn’t protested their dance like he had the first time. </p><p>Thankfully it was a slow dance that allowed them a modicum of privacy to talk while on the dance floor. It seemed to Penelope’s embarrassment that everybody was staring at them. She knew she should have been prepared for the prying eyes of the ton, when she accepted dancing with the bonafide guest of honor. </p><p>“You don’t look very happy to see me,” Michael said to her with a subtle smirk as soon as they were on the dance floor. </p><p>“That’s not true,” Penelope said. “I just hadn’t had time to read your letters yet, and I had no idea you were coming,” Penelope explained. </p><p>“I was worried that would happen...I knew that I shouldn’t have been so anxious about your lack of response, especially after you told me how busy you would be, but still, a part of me believed that you would be struggling with coming back to all this,” Michael said gesturing to the space and people around them. </p><p>“Well, that’s sweet of you, but I know you didn’t come all the way here just to check up on me,” Penelope said with a teasing lilt in her voice. </p><p>Michael gave her the teasing smile in return, “You caught me, I only came because Lady Danbury asked me too,” Michael said.</p><p>“Good,” Penelope replied. “If you had come back for any other reason, I would have been very, very upset,” Penelope stated in a tone that told him, she no longer wanted to discuss why he came, but how to get around the fact that he was here. </p><p>“Are you mad at me, Pen?” Michael asked after a beat. </p><p>“No, Michael. I would not have stopped you from coming even if I had wanted too. And if only some of the reason you came here was because you were worried, then I would be remiss to judge you for it,” Penelope said cordially. </p><p>“Glad that’s settled then,” Michael smiled. </p><p>“Mike,” Penelope whispered his nickname as she looked around the room at all the people who were staring at her. “Did you say anything about me to anyone else? Other than Lady Danbury and Colin. You know, about me working as a consultant at the circus?” Penelope asked solemnly and nervously.  </p><p>“Of course not. I am so sorry about putting you on the spot like that,” Michael said pulling her closer. </p><p>“It’s alright, I told them all I did was give you some performance tips, that’s all. That’s all I did for you, right?” Penelope said with a nervous edge.</p><p>Michael had been able to read between the lines. This was the only thing that Penelope was willing to share about their history with members of the ton. He’d figured she wouldn’t want it to get around that she had had her own chess exhibit at his circus for a short time. </p><p>Michael had been afraid when he saw Penelope’s face for the first time in nearly 2 weeks, that she would feign not knowing him. His cast, while never thought ill of Penelope, had mentally prepared themselves for her rejection in front of other members of society. Instead, Michael and Lady Danbury saw how Penelope expertly weaved around the ballroom breaking the fourth wall between his performers and members of the ton. </p><p>He had never been so happy that she hadn’t publicly rejected him or his extended family. Just as she hadn’t privately rejected him or his daughter, Morgan. Michael’s wife had died giving birth to Morgan, eight years prior to meeting Penelope. Morgan had a close connection to all his cast members, but she really had taken a keen liking to Penelope, who had taught her to play chess and the piano, and a myriad of other things. </p><p>Michael hadn’t felt the same way he had felt about his beloved deceased wife, with any other woman until Penelope landed in his circus and changed his life forever by striking a business deal with him. </p><p>He never met a more clever woman, than Penelope Featherington. He didn’t want to let her go. Though Penelope and Michael were from two different worlds, he felt that Penelope really didn’t care about something as trivial as one’s upbringing. She might have in a past life, but if Penelope was the same woman she had been the last few months with him, then he knew that Penelope would have come back to him. </p><p>Michael had yet to understand the extent of Penelope’s feelings for him. She was shy, young, and to be frank, playing quite hard to get. Or maybe she was just hard to get, because she was always in motion. But that was the least of Michael’s problems. </p><p>Michael’s eyes roamed around the room until they landed on just the man he had been searching for. Colin Bridgers. Bridgerton. Whatever. Michael knew that Penelope was in love with Colin, she might have never explicitly stated she was in love with him, but he had learned enough about her and her relationship to the Bridgertons, the so-called aristocratic royalty of the ton, to know which one of the male heirs she was in love with. </p><p>It seemed that Colin had also been keeping his eyes on Michael and Penelope, as Colin and Michael had made eye contact the second Michaels eyes had found Colin’s. Michael saw the direct challenge in Colin’s eyes and Michael could do nothing but give him a smug smile and twirl Penelope in his arms.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>OMG KATE SHARMA! </p><p>I really like Simone Ashley from Netflix's Sex Education. She is great, and I can totally see her and Jonathan Bailey having chemistry. I really can, so I hope they keep the fun elements of Kate "Sheffield" and Anthony's story from the novel. I don't mind any changes they are making about her background, but I do love a couple of their moments in the novel, and I'd enjoy seeing some of them played out in season 2 (Pall Mall, "that bee scene", etc...). I get she is a "different" character, hence the last name change, but it's still Kate! (Like in MCU Spiderman, Michelle isn't Mary Jane, but she is still MJ).</p><p>Comments and feedback is greatly appreciated! Thanks!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Penelope thrived on her ability to completely dominate the chess board. She enjoyed the rush of a difficult game, but she did not like to lose. </p><p>She had not been able to control things in her childhood, and was routinely reminded that as a girl it was not her position to control things. It was Penelope’s position in life to be made a wife and mother. Which, Penelope was able to admit to herself that deep down she had wanted to become a suitable wife and mother. She didn’t entirely detest the role society had dictated for her. She had wanted to have a family, especially when she had developed a childhood crush with Eloise’s older brother, and third Bridgerton son. She had dreamed about marrying him, but it had become more and more clear what kind of man Colin was becoming, and what kind of woman she was becoming. </p><p>In the plainest of terms, Colin Bridgerton was popular. Penelope Featherington...was not. </p><p>She saw the way he was able to captivate people’s attention, in comparison to the way she was treated as if she was invisible. The only reason Colin noticed her was because she was Eloise’s friend. It hadn’t escaped Penelope’s imagination that if Eloise and her hadn’t been glued at the hip as young girls, then Colin would never have glanced her way as a young woman. </p><p>Colin Bridgerton pitied girls like her, all of the Bridgerton brothers pitied girls like her. The girls that if not for their mother and sisters, they wouldn’t have noticed to begin with, and now that they did, all they could notice were her deficiencies. </p><p>Like the silly way her mother forced her to dress. Like the fact she had never been very thin and probably would never be. Like the fact that she came from a dysfunctional family.  </p><p>Penelope resented their pity, she really did. Though, for most of her formative years, she tolerated their shows of pity at balls, and did it with a smile, because she could forgive them their kindness. Penelope reckoned, Colin showing her pity by dancing with her at the ball, was better than if he had never even cared to show her pity by not asking her to dance at all. Or at least Penelope thought so. She’d rather he take the few minutes to make small talk with her, then pretend she didn’t exist like everyone else did. </p><p>The divide she felt between her family and Eloise’s family, is perhaps one of the many reasons why Penelope had decided to risk it all on becoming Lady Whistledown. She had realized nearly the same day she fell in love with Colin Bridgerton, that Colin Bridgerton would never marry a girl like her. His social standing, while lower as a third son, was still far ahead of most Barons, and not much far behind a few Viscounts. That was just how wealthy and respected the Bridgertons were. </p><p>The Featherington’s had been the daughters of a wealthy mister, that came from a line of Baron’s. So, while they had no formal title, they were still wealthy and descended from a noble family line in London. Then, they had lost their wealth, and with it much of their noble reputation and standing, which had always been hanging by a thread anyway. </p><p>Penelope knew the risks of becoming Lady Whistledown. She knew that she would be subjecting herself to mass ridicule. She knew that if anyone were to reveal her identity, that she would be shunned by society, and yet at 17 years old, she decided to gamble it all away. No one would marry her if they found out her secret, but still she day dreamed that if she were to ever tell Colin her secret, he would somehow be pleasantly surprised. Colin thrived within the bounds of respectable society, but even Penelope thought that Colin would have a good laugh with her about how she duped the ton for nearly 5 years. </p><p>Regardless, there was a sense of control that being Lady Whistledown gave her. It was the same sense of control that Penelope felt when she played chess. </p><p>But there was a cost to her compulsion to control things. The comfort and strength that liquid courage provided her. </p><p>Penelope had always been an anxious person, considering she was a product of an environment that insisted she relinquish her will to other authorities. She had never liked that. Never liked the control her mother wielded over her wardrobe, her education, and even her eating habits. Never like her father for the control he wielded over her mother, and the reckless decisions he was criticized for by colleague after colleague in his study. </p><p>Playing chess had eased her anxieties, writing in her diary about different stories she had heard had eased her anxieties, and the rush of warmth that settled in her belly after a good shot of whiskey eased her anxieties. Of course all of these self-soothing remedies occurred in different phases of her life. As a child it was playing chess in secret, as a young woman out in society it was writing as Lady Whistledown, and now as a woman in complete control of her family’s affairs and reputation, it was the alcohol. </p><p>It was as if the second that Penelope had been given the control she desperately craved, she had not been able to handle the responsibilities without a crutch. </p><p>And now, Anthony and Colin, even Benedict, were reaching out to her and trying to help, and she didn’t want to take it. She didn’t want their help, and it was as simple as that. She had made too many missteps. She had overwhelmed herself with too many risks. </p><p>Her reputation was one wrong decision away from being destroyed, and her unwed, spinster sisters would get taken down with her. </p><p>Now on top of having the Bridgerton boys taking an absurd interest in her state of affairs and Weatherby behaving like an overbearing prat at clubs, she had to defend her association with Michael. She, as in the unremarkable Penelope Featherington, who was supposed to be invisible. </p><p>That was the difference between the two men for whom she’d grown to care for immensily. Michael made her visible, whereas Colin would dance with the invisible girl. People in the ton were aware of Penelope’s relationship with the Bridgertons, so people barely glanced at her when she danced with Colin anymore. They used to whisper, but those rumors were squashed quickly and brutally. By Lady Whistledown herself. After all, Penelope would rather have had Lady Whistledown mock the prospect of their courtship, than Colin be the one to mock it. Although, it really wasn’t Colin’s fault that society had become numb to their platonic friendship.</p><p>Penelope had always appreciated the way that Colin would try to comfort her when Lady Whistledown had made some comment or another on the Bridgerton brothers charity to “poor, plump Penelope Featberington,”. He would always give her a smile when they made the papers, and tell her the “old bat was bored,”. It had of course made Penelope giggle and shrug her shoulders, as she tried to pretend to pretend to be unbothered by Lady Whistledown’s words. She had been the one to write them after all. She had to act as if everytime she mentioned herself it was an embarrassing surprise the next morning, so she always tried to appear bothered pretending to be unbothered. Which was pretty easy considering she really didn’t care that she was writing down the ton’s very thoughts. She had to entertain the audience, and she was effective at doing that when she mocked herself for being the Bridgerton family pet project.</p><p>She had amplified the ton’s cruel thoughts about her, but in a way, it protected her. Who would ever think someone as “pathetic” as her would be able to write such cruel comments about herself? Therefore, there is no way she could be Lady Whistledown. </p><p>It was actually quite naive on their part to not have realized that even if she was as pathetic as they thought she was, that she would have nothing to lose anyway. </p><p>It’s not like any man had taken marital interest in her, because even with her alter ego bringing her “negative attention”, she remained invisible to everyone.</p><p>Then there was Michael, who was the least subtle man she knew. Michael always put her in the spotlight, and always brought her favorable attention, and yet she didn’t always enjoy it. Deep down, Penelope enjoyed the anonymous comfort her alter ego afforded her. Of course, it would have been nice not to write under a pen name or in secret, but she felt safe without so many eyes on her. Penelope supposed that it was her societal roots that kept her cautious and deep down seeking stability and security.</p><p>Stability and security were not something Michael could provide Penelope a sense of. Michael was an entertainer, a visionary, and a risk-taker. He was meant for the spotlight, and his show was meant for great things. Michael had wanted to take his show on the road and travel all around Europe and eventually America and Canada. Penelope loved the idea of traveling, but Penelope had always been a homebody. She enjoyed being settled in one place, but would never turn down the opportunity to have an adventure. A brief, temporary, reasonable adventure. </p><p>Then there was the fact that Penelope thought there was more to Michael than he had divulged to her. Then, in his defense there had been more to Penelope than she had divulged to him. </p><p>She didn’t suspect he was hiding anything nefarious, but she did wonder if there was more to his business side then he let on. Penelope had little room to judge regardless of whatever he was hiding, and Penelope was honest enough to admit to herself she didn’t care what Michael was hiding.</p><p>Michael made her feel like she didn’t need her crutch when she was around him. Michael worked hard and played hard and showed Penelope the perks of not letting oneself indulge in bad behaviors too early in the evening. He made her want to work harder in the right state of mind, and he inspired her to write about things other than trivial gossip.</p><p>It’s just she wasn’t sure she could live out her dreams and his dreams at the same time. </p><p>Penelope really cared about Michael and Morgan and everyone at the circus, but her first priority had always been to see her sisters matched and married. </p><p>Although there was no way this piece of gossip wasn’t gonna make the paper. Her Lady Whistledown would express judgment, but her alter ego would also save her reputation by expressing slight approval as well. It’s just terrible that she would have to keep a “respectable distance” from Michael and the circus in order to ensure her reputation wasn’t slandered by gossip that even Whistledown would have no choice but to report. </p><p>After she had danced with Michael, and he had been whisked away by Lady Danbury again. And before she could even make her way off the dance floor, Weatherby had expertly stepped in and pulled her back on to the dance floor</p><p>“What do you think you are doing?” Weatherby seethed in her ear. </p><p>“What, what are you talking about?” Penelope asked, recovering from the surprise and disorientation of being pulled into a different dance as drunk as she. </p><p>“I mean, what are you doing by making yourself the center of attention by associating with circus freaks?” Weatherby bit out. </p><p>“Don't call them freaks. I know them. And It would have been unforgivably rude of me to act as if I didn’t,” Penelope stated. </p><p>“How do you know them?” Weatherby demanded sharply. </p><p>Penelope took a deep breath and then released it, “I told you that I played chess against a bunch of amateurs and won when we met didn’t I?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Yes,” Weatherby responded clippedly. </p><p>“Well, where do you think I found the perfect place to find a bunch of amateurs to play against?” Penelope asked. </p><p>It seemed to dawn on Weatherby that he was neither a very curious nor observant gentleman for him to have just realized that she had gotten much of her chess experience at the circus. </p><p>“Oh dear god, so that’s how you did it...Well, now I need you to listen to me carefully, Penelope. You may know how to disguise yourself real nice with that pretty little wig, mask, and dress of yours, but that does not mean some of the wealthiest and brightest members of the ton won’t recognize you. You can’t hide your height...or your body...or your lips... Do you understand me? Do not and I repeat do not bring anymore undue attention to yourself or you risk putting you and your family’s reputation at risk. Are we clear?” Weatherby demanded. </p><p>Penelope had been uncomfortable as Weatherby had described all the parts of her that she couldn’t disguise. It was true. She was quite petite, but not incredibly thin, and the mask didn’t hide her mouth. Her disguise, she could concede, wasn’t entirely foolproof. She knew that Weatherby was trying to intimidate her and remind her of the precarious position that she was in now that they had returned to the ton where people might recognize her more easily. </p><p>“It had not been my intention to bring attention to myself, but I was not going to deny, Mr. Delaney the last dance,” Penelope said coldly. “But I promise, I will do my best to remain inconspicuous for the rest of the season.” </p><p>“How do you expect to do that exactly?” Weatherby demanded. </p><p>“It would be easy if I could just tell him that his attention endangers my gambling operation, but I can’t do that can I?” Penelope asked facetiously. </p><p>“Don’t be impertinent,” Weatherby bit out before he gave a cry of surprise. Considering Penelope had just purposefully stomped on his foot. </p><p>“My sincerest apologies, Mr. Weatherby,” Penelope said with false demure.</p><p>“Be ready Tuesday night,” Weatherby responded coldly.  </p><p>“I will, but before this dance ends... I’ve agreed to show the Bridgertons my bank papers. But it can’t be the notarized documents. They have to be copies. I’ll be busy Monday. And then we have our match on Tuesday. So, I’ll come to the bank later in the afternoon on Wednesday to help you with the transcription. Then, this upcoming Saturday, you will bring the copies over to the Bridgeton household. Now, do you understand me? You and I repeat you, must start working on transcribing the information without including any traces of how we get our additional income. Get it? We’ve got to give Anthony a clean copy of my books, so he won’t go looking for the actual books, which are as we both know, not very clean, and should it be audited, by Anthony Bridgerton, we, would, be, fucked. Are we clear?” Penelope asked, mocking him in the same tone as his arrogant, overbearing lecture from seconds earlier. </p><p>Weatherby stayed silent for a moment before he gave her a tight nod and bowed, before departing the dance floor as the dance ended. Penelope knew her language had been foul for a lady, but there was something she quite liked about the look on a man's face when she said "fuck" in front of him. </p><p>Penelope made her way back to the refreshments table ready to make her excuses and see if either her sisters or any of the Bridgertons wanted to take a carriage back together. But then, Penelope decided that maybe she should just get a hired hack back to her boarding room. She could probably use the rest of her champagne buzz to get some work done, but then there was the fact it was getting harder to walk straight. </p><p>She quickly found her mother, and told Portia that she was to tell the Bridgertons that she left with Gertrude Knight. Penelope had a few other friends in the ton besides Eloise, and she wasn’t too terribly afraid to name drop the one's who she had not seen or had left early from the ball when she needed an excuse. As usual, Penelope’s mother made no remark as to where Penelope was going, and just agreed to pass along the message. </p><p>Penelope then walked out of the house and spoke to Lady Danbury’s master of coaches, and saw if he had any available independent drivers, who usually parked themselves by public events and illustrious private events to see to the drunken abandoned family members. </p><p>Eventually, a hired hack came around the front of the house, and Penelope thanked Lady Danbury’s staff and she gave the driver her address to the boarding house. </p><p>It was only a shame that Penelope didn’t see that Colin had been watching her and seconds after her carriage departed, Colin quickly demanded they bring around his horse. Once he got on his horse he quickly and as discreetly as he possibly could, followed Penelope’s carriage. </p><p>Colin could not believe that Penelope was leaving the ball without a chaperone. Well, actually he could believe it, but it was not appropriate. Considering how much she had to drink that evening, and the fact that she was clearly overwhelmed by the circus people randomly showing up, he thought the last thing Penelope needed was to get in a strangers carriage alone, late in the evening. </p><p>Colin was trying not to be angry with Penelope, but he was furious about how frivolous she was acting about her own welfare. The Bridgerton brothers would never have tolerated such behavior from any of their sisters. Colin would bet several pounds that Anthony would have considered whipping any sister of theirs who would think to have done something as dangerous as leaving a party alone at night to travel in a strangers carriage to an undisclosed location. Although, none of the elder Bridgerton men had ever had the stomach for inflicting an actual whipping on their sisters as a matter of disobedience. </p><p>No, Anthony made his younger siblings (Benedict and Colin included) sit in “the chair” in his study, while he lectured in his most furious voice. Each of the Bridgertons reacted differently to Anthony’s “punishment”. Benedict would purposefully stand and argue back, and as they were closest in age by 2 years, Anthony knew that Benedict would only be obedient to Anthony if he was in the mood to. Anthony and Colin had a 6 years age difference, and Colin quite looked up to Anthony. Colin was 12 when his father had died, so he remembered the same man that Anthony tried to live up to every single day. It’s probably why Anthony had used his angry voice, maybe only once when he was still a boy, because for the most part they had an extremely respectful fraternal relationship. </p><p>But then there was the fact that Anthony had an entirely different relationship with his younger sisters and brother. Their age differences ranged from the 10 year difference between Anthony and Daphne, and the 18 year age difference between Anthony and Hyacinth. </p><p>Anthony had been both a father and a brother to their sisters and young Gregory. </p><p>Daphne for the most part held a great deal of respect for Anthony, there had been times where Daphne’s favorite brother had been made obvious. And it was not Anthony. </p><p>No, Anthony had bitterly explained to Colin and Benedict, years ago, that they would always be their sisters favorite brothers, because apparently “their sisters would always resent his duties to be their disciplinarian,”. It was usual that a second and third son would be resentful of having an elder brother and heir, but considering the considerable separate fortunes their father had set aside for his sons, and Benedict’s unique desire to be an artist, and Colin’s interest in traveling, they were rather content with being the spares. However, it was comments like that, from Anthony, that made them feel a selfish relief that it was not their official duty to punish their siblings. Not to say they didn’t "punish" their siblings, but they didn’t need to make a big deal about it, or if they did, they usually had Anthony deal with it anyway. </p><p>Eloise and Hyacinth were forced into the chair on a much more frequent basis, for one thing or another. Eloise was always calm, but she always spoke up for herself when she believed Anthony was in the wrong. Which was rare, but not impossible all the same. Although the difference between Eloise and Hyacinth is that Hyacinth had never known any other father figure than Anthony. Eloise could vaguely remember having a father, but Francesca and Gregory were simply too young when he died along with Hyacinth who had not even been born. </p><p>Francesca was only in London for the season and then she returned to school in Scotland, which kept her quite removed from the family. Therefore, she never frequented her brother's study for a lecture. Francesca was by far one of their best tempered sisters, along with Daphne. It was just a shame that it seemed Francesca had become more and more distant from her family with her return every season, where she came back more mature every time. It seemed that Francesca was likely to be married this season with the number of suitors who had already made their intentions known. </p><p>As for Gregory, Anthony would give him lectures about being a gentleman and how to find the best sorts of boys to befriend at school, and rarely was angered at Gregory, but there were certainly a few times he was not immune from Anthony's angry voice. Anthony wanted Gregory to be everything their father would have hoped to raise up in his last son. </p><p>The Bridgertons were a tight family, but still there was no way Colin would be able to excuse Penelope’s behavior. Colin had begun to realize where Penelope was headed. It was moments like this that made Colin consider what authority he had to make Penelope listen to him. </p><p>None yet. </p><p>That would change soon. Penelope would accept his marriage proposal. They would be wed, and Colin just knew they would be happy. </p><p>Colin saw that her carriage had stopped at the same boarding home the Featherington’s had been staying at. Colin had to guess at least one Featherington still had a room at the boarding home. It had become clear after the hired hack moved out that she was not making a quick stop to pay a bill that Colin had secretly hoped had been her excuse. No, she definitely still had a room at the boarding home. </p><p>A part of Colin demanded that he get angrier than he already was at Penelope, for what was her apparent snub of the Bridgertons accommodations. However, Colin had a feeling, Penelope wasn't purposefully snubbing his family’s generosity. </p><p>He, along with Anthony and Benedict all had bachelors lodgings because they required their own space, and Colin could admit that it might be the same for Penelope. It wouldn’t be unfair to assume that a shared house full of Bridgertons and Featherington ladies might become quite overwhelming. </p><p>It would have been nice if she had told someone about her choice to keep a room, though. Colin liked to believe the Bridgertons would have been understanding of her desires and situation, but there was also a significant part of him acknowledging, he and the rest of the Bridgertons would not have thought the arrangement was appropriate for a young single woman. </p><p>Having a private room at a boarding home was nothing short of scandalous, and it was a near damn blessing that Lady Whistledown hadn’t reported anything about it. In fact, he was certain that Lady Whistledown had already reported that all the Featherington’s were to be guests of the Bridgertons for the rest of the season. So, maybe Penelope had managed to slip through the cracks. </p><p>After an hour, Colin made a decision. He would leave Penelope alone. This one time. </p><p>He knew if he barged in on the boarding home, demanding to see her this late at night, well, that would without a doubt get back to Whistledown, among forcing their wedding to move quite quickly. Colin didn’t hate the idea, but he wasn't going to force her hand, not yet at least. </p><p>There was something Penelope was hiding, and Colin knew the boarding home was just the tip of the iceberg. </p><p>Colin would get the answers to his questions whether she liked it or not. He would get to the bottom of what her relationship was with Mr. Weatherby, whom she seemed to have a briefly heated conversation with on the dance floor. Then, there was the mysterious Mr. Delaney and his circus, and the fact that there was clearly much more to that story than what Penelope was letting on. And lastly, Colin would need to figure out why Penelope seemed to be drinking at a concerning rate. </p><p>Colin could tell by the time she left the ball, that Penelope was “tipsy”. She was swaying, and occasionally it seemed that both she and him would catch her slurring a word or two. It would have been hard to notice, if he hadn’t been watching her so closely the entire evening. It seemed she had a decent tolerance, perhaps a concerning tolerance, something of a tolerance that was more common among unhappily married women of the ton. Certainly not by a young woman, who should at least be objectively open to finding a husband. It didn’t bother Colin that Penelope had an arguably significant amount of small glasses of champagne, but he needed to know why. Why did she need so much? Why was she so desperate for privacy that she would pay for a secret room? What was she trying to hide about her relationships with both Weatherby and Delaney? </p><p>He needed to find out, but if Penelope wasn’t going to come out with it, then he’d give it at least week to figure it out for himself. Then, he would make her see that she had to marry him.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I appreciate all the feedback! I love reading your comments! Please keep them coming! </p><p>I'm really excited for the next chapter, because that chapter is going to be scene that I created in my head that inspired me to write this story. </p><p>I do apologize for my repetitiveness or plot holes. I'm a free flow writer, so whatever comes out, just comes out, and it might have come out already or changed in previous or future chapters, but please bear with me :) I'm just trying to get this story from my head to my laptop, to this site.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things between Colin and Penelope had been tense since Lady Danbury’s ball on Saturday night. It was only Tuesday, but Penelope felt on edge when Colin was around, as if he was planning to pounce on her at any moment. </p><p>Although, Penelope would not be able to explain why if someone asked. </p><p>The few times that Penelope had seen Colin between Saturday night and Tuesday morning, it seemed like he was always brooding and glowering in her direction. Penelope might have guessed it had something to do with her abrupt departure from the ball. Propriety dictated that she should have at least told Colin and the Bridgerton ladies when she decided to leave early, but she had wanted to go back to the boarding house and it wouldn’t have been possible if the Bridgertons had tried to leave with her. So, she had her mother do the dirty work that Penelope had been too jaded to do herself, and made Portia be the one to make Penelope’s farewells for the evening. </p><p>Otherwise, besides Colin’s odd mood, the last few days had been good for both Penelope and her sisters. On Sunday, Penelope had arrived in the morning from “Gertrude’s” just before one of the first suitors arrived for the day, surprisingly for Phillipa. A Mister Finkle. Third son to a Baron, with no fortune, leaving only a respectable name and position in society. Which is exactly what Penelope wanted her sisters to have, especially since Penelope had been able to recover their dowries. And of course, it seemed nothing would save the Featherington name regardless. </p><p>Anthony and Colin also stopped by the house on Sunday, and Anthony seemed a bit too involved in Phillipa and Mister Finkle’s interaction. Penelope was content with just letting them talk, whereas it seemed like Anthony was trying to broach the man with a million subjects. </p><p>Penelope thought that it was odd for someone who supposedly wanted to help her find suitable husbands for her sisters, that he was so determined to scare them off. Penelope could understand why he might treat his own sisters suitors with such regard, but surely he wouldn’t care what kind of lowly rated noble gentleman might be interested in Phillipa Featherington (and her dowry). </p><p>On Monday morning, Lady Whistledown’s column had reported the most interesting gossip from Lady Danbury’s ball. Of course, Penelope herself had made for the biggest chunk of news. </p><p>It seemed like all of the ton seemed to want to stop and talk about her time “working” for the circus. When Penelope and the Bridgertons had gone for a walk in the town square, it seemed like Penelope had more people approaching her than ever before. She was proud that Michael’s presence had excited the ton, but it did make her feel uneasy with all the attention. </p><p>The attention she secretly and guiltily wanted to blame Michael for. But really, she couldn’t. She couldn’t, because she had dug her own grave the minute she had started writing as Lady Whistledown. She brought the attention to herself both directly and indirectly.</p><p>It was on their walk on Monday that Penelope finally understood the extent of frustration that Colin was feeling towards her. Eloise had mentioned something about Gertrude Knight, which Penelope had prepared for, but then Colin had made a comment that immediately made Penelope feel sick to her stomach. </p><p>Penelope had relayed to Eloise some generic remark about Gertrude’s gown, hoping it was believable that Penelope really had spent Saturday night in her company. But then, Colin went and crudely corrected her information, silly information that had been an enormous slip on Penelope’s part. It had been over something as ridiculous and simple as the fan that Gertrude had been using at the ball. It had been matched to her gown and people had been quite impressed by it. Eloise had said something about the special fan, and Penelope’s response lacked sincerity, and clearly proved her to be severely lacking in observation skills. Oh, if anybody knew just how observant Penelope really was. </p><p>The way that Colin had coldly reminded her that the fan had appeared to have been customized to match her gown had thrown her off guard. To be fair, Penelope could really only take in so many details about dozens and dozens of prominent members of the ton at a time. The last thing Penelope had been thinking about was Gertrude’s custom made fan that had been clearly displayed more than Penelope even realized. </p><p>Penelope had brushed it off with a simple, “you’re right, how could I have failed to notice something...so particularly unique and yet, if I do say so myself, quite mundane”. </p><p>Colin had just narrowed his eyes in her direction and gave her a wry smile. Penelope had returned it, but inside she felt like something was off. How strange of Colin to have noticed something as tedious and monotonous as Gertrude Knight’s special fan. Gertrude was a nice girl, but she was like Penelope in the sense that neither of them were especially popular or beautiful. As sad as it was, Penelope would have sworn the day before that Colin had never even spoken to Gertrude. Instead, he had thrown Penelope under a carriage...over her not recalling this so-called special fan. </p><p>A fan. A fucking fan.</p><p>In Colin’s defense, he wasn’t wrong. Gertrude Knight had brought a special fan that matched her dress, and Penelope, as a lady, should have made note of it. Although, for the life of her, Penelope would never be able to understand why any of it mattered. It was a fan. </p><p>The following morning on Tuesday, Penelope had chosen to not leave the Bridgerton house early. She had finished and sent off her Whistledown column to her publisher on Monday evening. After all, Wednesday’s column was all about Suitor Sunday, and who came calling on who. </p><p>Penelope had already planned out her exit for that evening, for when she and Weatherby would be attending Lord Ashbury’s “party”. She had told her mother that her fathers cousin had invited her for a meeting at their old home, and that she would be going with Weatherby. She also told her mother that after the meeting with their cousin that she wouldn’t be returning until late evening or the next morning. Penelope had just said she wanted to pay a visit to Clarissa Crowley. Clarissa, like Gertrude, was another solid name that Penelope could use as a scapegoat. Clarissa, Gertrude, and Penelope were in a class of their own, but it was quite sad because Clarissa had taken ill and was no longer able to attend very many social events. Although, neither Gertrude or Clarissa would be in a position to vouch for Penelope’s whereabouts if asked. It’s why Penelope had been careful when deciding to name drop her friends, whom she was friendly enough to have had consistent and open communication with, but not close enough to share any actual secrets with. </p><p>Hell, Penelope was closer to no one like she was to Eloise. And yet, Penelope had still managed to keep her biggest secrets hidden from her. Most especially, her Lady Whistledown secret. If Penelope was being honest, she was most scared if Eloise ever found out she was Lady Whistledown, because she worried Eloise would feel betrayed. </p><p>Penelope no longer cared if all of society turned their back on her. She didn’t care if Colin turned his back on her. But, Penelope did not want to lose Eloise. </p><p>That afternoon, all of the Bridgertons except for Anthony, Daphne, and Simon were sitting in the drawing room doing respective activities. Penelope was reading in the corner of a chaise lounge a chess book, whom she’d been hoping no one would notice due to its plain binding and vague title, Intriguing Matches, which she secretly hoped she could pass off as a romance novel if asked about it. </p><p>She had been having a feeling this would be one of her more unlucky evenings. She would most likely be made to swallow down more than a few small glasses of whiskey before she would be seated in front of a chess board. Weatherby would decide whether she would win or lose that evening. But even Penelope knew that the more drunk she was, the less she was on her game, and was at risk for making a misstep that could cost her the game even if he had wanted Penelope to win. It had only happened once, and while Weatherby had been agitated with her, he had kept this temper in check with knowledge that she had otherwise been a reliable partner. </p><p>In the corner of Penelope’s eye she saw that Benedict and Colin were playing a game of chess. She had been trying to avoid the temptation of secretly practicing and playing chess with the Bridgertons beautiful chessboard with its fine hand-crafted chess pieces. She saw that Colin was about to lose one of his Bishops, and she had bitten her tongue in an attempt to avoid telling Colin he ought to make a different move, because she noticed he had a better move where he could capture one of Benedict’s Knights. Colin would lose a pawn, but overall it was a small price to pay if it got him one step closer to taking his brother's Knight and then Queen. </p><p>Penelope glanced at Portia who had coincidently been staring at her daughter. Portia had noticed the side glances that Penelope was giving the Bridgertons boys who were sitting at the chessboard. </p><p>Portia gave Penelope a look that spoke volumes. The message being, don’t do it. Don’t do what? Except the message was clear from her mother, don’t interfere with men’s business or games. A thing that Portia knew in her soul, was too late to stop Penelope from doing. Penelope was her own person, and would never be a “lady” by society’s standards. She would be accomplished, there was no doubt about that, but her ruined reputation would mean no man of integrity or decency would take her youngest daughter's hand. Besides, it wasn’t Penelope’s ruined reputation that would alienate her from potential suitors, it would be her accomplishments. </p><p>It took Portia losing her husband and everything else to realize that Penelope was unstoppable. She would never make for a wife that Portia had been brought up as and had tried so hard to raise her daughters up as. In truth, Portia had no idea what gave her such strength and ingenuity. Penelope had a drive that was unrecognizable, and while Portia had chosen to not be privy to every matter concerning her daughter's whereabouts, there was just no doubt that every day Penelope was toeing the line with society. </p><p>But, that was the most peculiar thing of all to Portia Featherington. Penelope had been positively reckless with her comings and goings. Portia and her daughters did their best to cover up Penelope’s irrational entrances and exits, and yet not a single word of Penelope’s obviously suspicious antics had made it into Lady Whistledown. </p><p>Every new Whistledown paper brought to the dining room table brought the fear of ruin to the Featherington ladies. If it was made public knowledge how often Penelope was without a chaperone, then that alone would leave Penelope and the rest of Featherington women to society’s undesirable conclusions. It had been a miracle that Lady Whistledown had praised Cirque du Delaney’s performances at Lady Danbury’s ball, and even gave Penelope a favorable if slightly judgemental opinion on Penelope’s “clearly hidden talents for directing live entertainment”, thanks to (and Portia was most proud of this part) “the Featherington matriarch schooling her children so finely in performance education”.  </p><p>It had been Portia’s biggest scare to date, when Penelope had hastily explained to her mother how she personally knew the circus performers and the ring- leader himself Mr. Michael Delaney. The same Michael Delaney that Portia knew had been a “close friend” of Penelope’s and who Portia thought would not be a problem at all, since he was supposed to be in London city. Portia had no idea that Michael Delaney was the same from Cirque Du Delaney, or that her daughter had even been spending her time with circus performers. Portia knew about Penelope’s drinking, and disguises she used to gamble with Weatherby, and the infamous Michael Delaney who had been bringing her daughter some sort of reprieve and happiness in her stressful days, but she had no clue about the rest of it. Michael Delaney, while she had small shades of respect for the way her daughter seemed to respect him, she had not wanted to meet him. It was hard for Portia to truly believe Michael or even Mr. Weatherby hadn't already compromised Penelope and made her unsuitable for marriage. It was Portia’s life-long conditioning from society that had made her deeply depressed when her daughter began exerting unchaperoned independence, because Portia could not fathom the scandal and ruin that would come from her daughters behavior. It was terrifying to think that anyone would be able to call into question her daughters behavior, and Portia most especially feared it would be Whistledown, and then her daughters would have no redemption. However, it seemed Whistledown finally stopped reporting on the Featherington's over a “lack of knowledge on their location”. So, Portia had finally given Penelope her blessing to be free from the same judgements and fear-mongering that she would have thrust on her daughter before her husband's death. Under one condition. </p><p>If there was only one reason why Portia had been beyond willing to tolerate Penelope’s wishes and risky behavior, it was because she wanted to see that her two eldest daughters were married off to respectable members of the ton. It was Portia and Penelope’s shared goal and understanding. Penelope had saved their dowries, and for that Portia would let everything slide while they were in London city, and she would even let Penelope destroy her own reputation by returning to the city and Michael alone, but only after the reputations of her two other daughters had been secured. </p><p>So, when Penelope had approached Portia, Prudence, and Phillipa mere minutes after Lady Danbury had brought Michael over to meet Penelope and Colin, Portia had thought everything her daughter had done to secure her sisters a small fortune of a dowry had been all for naught.</p><p>“Mama, do you remember Michael Delaney?” Penelope had asked timidly. </p><p>“I do, indeed... Penelope, please tell me that Cirque Du Delaney has absolutely nothing to do with your Michael Delaney?” Portia had asked, but she had already known the answer. </p><p>“Mama, all anybody will know is that I gave them some music and dancing lessons. That’s it. You just have to corroborate that everything was above board. I was chaperoned, and it was a completely respectable and appropriate trade, as per my strong educational background in both dance and music. Was I not taught well, Mama?” Penelope had asked softly. Penelope had been speaking softly but also very firmly with her mother and sisters, but it didn’t matter. Their necks were on the line as much as Penelope’s was, and lying to protect their (mostly Penelope’s) reputation had been becoming second nature in the recent days. </p><p>So, the least Penelope could do for Portia’s peace of mind on a Tuesday afternoon, was not getting herself involved in a chess game between Bridgertons. Portia knew her daughter was clearly an extremely gifted player, and the more people saw how gifted and talented Penelope was, the more people would be intimidated by or focused on their family. Neither was good for her daughters in such a precarious day to day lifestyle. </p><p>All of the sudden, Violet Bridgerton cleared her throat. “Is everyone staying for dinner this evening? I do believe Daphne and Simon will be joining us.” The question had been mostly directed at Benedict and Colin, who were the only occupants who had other lodgings. Well, the only occupants that Lady Bridgerton knew of that had lodgings elsewhere. </p><p>“And what will we be having this evening, Mother?” Benedict asked knowing full well that neither he nor Colin would turn down a family dinner, especially with Daphne and Simon making the trip.</p><p>“Oh, I believe it will be chicken this evening. Does that sound alright, dear?” Violet asked her son as she continued to work on her sewing. </p><p>“Sounds more than alright, Mother. Sounds like I’ll be asking the cook to pack me up some leftovers,” Benedict remarked.</p><p>“Oh, dream on Benedict, the only chicken leftovers you’ll get after our family dinner is the feet and eyes,” Eloise piped up, resulting in a mix of giggles and disgusted groans. </p><p>“Well, maybe if Colin had some self-control and didn’t eat half the chicken by himself-“ Benedict started. </p><p>“Oh don’t even go there, brother! Between you, me Anthony, Simon, and our growing Gregory, we should probably be more concerned with the fact that there won’t be enough chicken left over for all our sisters, the Featheringtons, and of course, to say nothing of our dear mama’s appetite either,” Colin stated, playing into his obvious charm as a mama’s boy. </p><p>Penelope couldn’t help but give a chuckle at the way Colin could so expertly turn himself into Prince Charming. Colin seemed to catch her eyes at the moment she was so clearly enjoying his obsequious display, and her laugh caught in her throat with the look he gave her. </p><p>One of the many looks he’d been giving her since Saturday night. </p><p>He was looking at her with a small smug smirk on his face, and his eyes were giving her a silent warning. Except, unlike with her mother’s looks, whose she could read like a first language, she couldn’t grasp what Colin’s face was telling her. It was a subtle look, but the look seemed to invoke the fear of him knowing something that she didn’t. </p><p>Penelope knew that Colin was mad at her. She could think of at least one reason why that was possible, but she didn’t think her infraction was so grievous as to deserve the intense energy it seemed Colin was always flooding in her direction whenever they were in the same room. She’d left the ball without telling him, boo hoo. </p><p>Colin Bridgerton was not Penelope’s keeper. </p><p>Penelope had even been tempted to confront Colin about his stand-offish behavior around her, but something in her gut told her that if she confronted him, then she would be taking on a conversation she wasn’t prepared to have. The way he looked at her the last few days, well there was no other way to describe how uneasy it made her. It made her uneasy in the worst possible way, because underneath his angry stares was a man who was looking at her with...desire? The look of a man who was ready to swoop down and take what he wanted, because it was clear he wouldn’t get what he wanted any other way. </p><p>That was the problem though. What did Penelope have that Colin looked so determined to take? There was just something terrifying about the way he was able to take his charming smirk and twist it into something much more dangerous and foreboding. </p><p>The old Penelope would have simply asked Colin if he was alright, and then done anything to see herself back into his good graces. The new Penelope didn’t have the luxury of feeling safe enough to talk to Colin. </p><p>Penelope doubted there was anything she could tell him that he would not be positively horrified by. Colin was a good man, but there was just no denying the fact that Colin and respectable society had a harmonious relationship. Penelope and respectable society were on their way to a hideous divorce. </p><p>“I actually won’t be able to attend dinner this evening, Lady Bridgeton. I’m sincerely sorry if that will cause you any inconvenience,” Penelope said once she has been able to pull her eyes away from Colin’s intense gaze. </p><p>“Of course not, dear. I suspect the only inconvenience will be from how much we will miss your company this evening,” Lady Bridgerton said with a sincere smile. However, the curious look Violet flashed in Portia’s direction was clearly an unspoken question Violet had for Portia, mother to mother. </p><p>Portia caught the look from Violet and cleared her throat, “Yes, Mr. Weatherby will be escorting you to your cousin’s for dinner and a discussion about the deed to the home and your father’s will, in his official capacity as a banker, correct? And then he’s dropping you off at Clarissa’s where you were invited to stay for the evening?” Portia asked her daughter directly, and as if she had rehearsed the question in front of the mirror at least several dozen times. </p><p>“Yes, Mama,” Penelope replied simply. </p><p>“Ahh, business dinner is it, Pen?” Benedict chimed in from his place at the chessboard. </p><p>“Yes,” Penelope said clippedly. </p><p>“With Weatherby?” Benedict asked. </p><p>“Mm-hmm,” Penelope responded with pursed lips. </p><p>“You know, Pen, I’ve heard rumors around the town about Weatherby and his particular... banking style,” Benedict said in a gossipy sort of tone that Penelope had most often heard in women’s circles.</p><p>“Is that so?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“It is so, because I’ve heard he’s notoriously bad at hiding his tracks, and I bet if Anthony were to look over the work he’s done for you, your books would be all but scalding hot,” Benedict stated in a know it all voice. </p><p>“I beg your pardon?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Have you ever heard the phrase about someone “cooking the books”? Because I’ve heard Weatherby is quite the chef.” Benedict stated.</p><p>“What are you implying, Benedict,” Penelope said in an evenly tight voice. </p><p>“He’s not implying anything, dear” Lady Bridgeton cut in. “Well, actually...I think Benedict is implying that perhaps you could take Anthony with you instead of Mr. Weatherby. Anthony’s one of the best Viscounts in the ton and you must know that Anthony has you and your family’s best interests at heart”. </p><p>“It’s as if you took the words straight from my mind, Mother,” Benedict said giving Penelope a condescending smirk. It highly resembled the same smirk Penelope had seen grace the features of Benedict whenever he had outwitted his younger sisters in some capacity. </p><p>Penelope narrowed her eyes at him, he smiled back in the lazy arrogant kinda way. Penelope then found her eyes trailing to meet Colin’s face. He looked like he wanted to say something, but was restraining himself, and for that, Penelope was grateful. </p><p>“I don’t doubt that Anthony is by far the more intelligent candidate between Mr. Weatherby and himself. However, Mr. Weatherby was more familiar with my family’s estate and my father’s will. I fear that by taking my family’s account away from him after the years of loyalty he showed to my father, and the help he has been these last few months, it would be viewed as a most grievous display of disrespect. The rumors of Mr. Weatherby’s impropriety have been unfounded, have they not? Otherwise, the bank would have relieved Mr. Weatherby from his position, would they not?” Penelope asked the room, but was mostly directing her statement to Benedict. </p><p>“It’s only a matter of time before he leaves conclusive evidence. He’s a drunk, Penelope.” Benedict stated bluntly. </p><p>Before Penelope could respond, Anthony walked through the door and exclaimed “Good afternoon, everyone!” as he made his way to the tea and biscuit table. Just as soon as Anthony had taken his first bite of biscuit, he recognized that his family’s drawing room was in an abnormal state of tension. “What’s wrong?” Anthony asked the room. </p><p>“Nothing!” Penelope answered. “We were just discussing what a brilliant Viscount you are. You see, I have dinner plans with my cousin and Mr. Weatherby this evening to discuss some important matters regarding my fathers will and remaining estate. Benedict was just explaining to me about the rumors regarding Mr. Weatherby, and he all but insisted I take you with me this evening,” Penelope started. </p><p>“Excellent idea,” Anthony interrupted. </p><p>“Pardon me?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“I should go with you this evening,” Anthony stated. </p><p>“Oh no, you couldn’t! The Duke and Duchess are coming this evening,” Penelope stated. </p><p>“Daphne? Simon? I see them quite often enough, so what time are we to be expected at your cousins this evening?” Anthony asked.</p><p>“Uh..uh..well, Mr. Weatherby will be here around 5:30 to escort me,” Penelope began. </p><p>“No need. I’ll send a page over to his office at the bank, and inform him that his escort and presence will no longer be required at your cousins house this evening.” Anthony stated before turning to leave the room. </p><p>“No! Anthony, stop!” Penelope cried, while abruptly jumping up from her spot on the chaise lounge. Now it seemed like everyone’s eyes had turned upon her. “Uh, really Anthony, I think it would be quite rude to just cancel his plans. He’s been looking forward to making the acquaintance of my cousin. And besides, my cousin isn’t prepared for another guest, or even to host a Viscount of your reputation. I was hoping that when I have Weatherby bring my bank sheets over to the house this weekend, that we could possibly…possibly convince Weatherby...that maybe it’s time I…I let you help me…” Penelope finished softly. </p><p>“What are you saying, Penelope?” Colin asked after a brief moment of silence throughout the room.</p><p>“I...I uh...I agree with everything you’ve all been saying. I’m starting to feel silly about making excuses for Mr. Weatherby, even though I have found him to be a most loyal and helpful ally. But, you and your family have been nothing but good to me and an equally loyal and helpful ally to me and my family, and I feel as if my refusal to accept your... assistance and guidance on such matters you are most familiar with, has offended you, and some of your family,” Penelope said glancing at an intrigued Benedict. </p><p>Penelope’s declaration was a surprise to every single beating heart in the room, but Colin was perhaps the only one who knew the battle had scarcely begun. After all the information Colin had absorbed on the night of Lady Danbury’s ball, there was no way that Penelope was just going to sit down and confess all her secrets, for their sake. No, Penelope was performing the art of something that Colin had long since mastered. Charisma. </p><p>“Oh, uh, yes Penelope. I consider you like one of my little sisters. I think I speak for everyone when I say that,” Anthony stated. Colin couldn’t help but give his brother a flashing glare before he forced his face to appear impassive. Colin hadn’t had the opportunity to tell his brother about his intentions with Penelope. </p><p>Colin knew that the second Anthony and Benedict learned that Colin was falling in love with Penelope, he wouldn’t hear the end of it. After that, it wouldn’t be long before his mother would find out, and once Violet knew he wanted to walk down the aisle with Penelope, then it would be mere seconds before Portia and Violet would begin planning the ceremony. </p><p>Colin hadn’t wanted to tell anyone until he was sure that Penelope felt the same way. However, Colin felt there were things he needed to know about Penelope first before he somehow ended up in the position of trying to convince her to marry him. There were times in Colin’s life where he would have been all but certain that Penelope would have taken his hand without a second thought. Colin no longer had that confidence. </p><p>“You’re too kind, Anthony. So, I’ll go forward with my plans this evening, and you’ll go on with your family dinner, then?” Penelope asked. </p><p>Clever girl, Colin thought, with a pinch of bitterness. </p><p>“Well, I suppose you’re right. I’d obviously much rather be there to help you navigate the conversation, but if you are truly comfortable with being around Weatherby and your cousin without, forgive me, adequate representation, then I shall give approval to this meeting taking place without me. I hope that now that you’ve agreed to accept my help going forward, that important meetings such as these won’t be handled without my countenance.” Anthony stated clearly and unflinchingly. </p><p>‘Adequate representation’, Penelope internally sneered. His approval? His countenance? She was her own adequate representation and she needed Anthony Bridgerton’s approval like she needed a toothache. Besides, Penelope thought with a laugh, the meeting with her cousin wasn’t set until the following Sunday afternoon. She would be going out for his tea, and his deed. </p><p>It seemed like everyone was holding their breath for Penelope’s response. </p><p>“I am so touched by your...brotherly instincts. Your support is always...appreciated, as is your...approval. Although, forgive me, I’ve always believed that a person’s best representative is themselves.” Penelope stated. </p><p>“I disagree,” Anthony replied. </p><p>“Why?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“If a person finds themselves in trouble, they hire a lawyer to represent them, because clearly they are incapable of best representing themselves without a firm understanding of the law and its protections and limitations.” Anthony stated. </p><p>“Are we talking about a criminal or are we talking about me?” Penelope demanded. </p><p>“Neither. I’m merely pointing out that one simply can not be their own and best representative if they lack understanding of the law, or in your case, you lack the education, understanding, and experience I have to safeguard and grow your savings. You’re liable to be taken advantage of by your cousin, and I would be lying if I didn’t confess I’m worried what it means for you if the second smartest man in the room is Weatherby,” Anthony said with an ever increasing stern manner of speaking. </p><p>“And do you know who the smartest woman in the room is going to be? Me. If you’ll excuse me I do believe I’m going to go take a nap before Mr. Weatherby arrives,” Penelope said quickly rushing from the room, because she knew if she stayed one more second in the company of the Bridgertons she would explode all over the walls. In her haste, Penelope realized she had left her book on the lounge. </p><p>She didn’t dare go back. She just prayed that no one would notice it before she had the chance to go back and grab it. </p><p>Penelope would have been sad to learn that no sooner after she left and got ready to take a nap, that Colin had moved to occupy her old seat. Colin had no reservations about peeking inside Penelope’s book, which Colin had been watching her read over the last several days. Her face would scrunch up while she read it, and her face resembled a young Gregory struggling to grasp arithmetic principles. </p><p>It was a chess book. Penelope was reading a chess book. Colin had heard from his brothers, who had sworn him to secrecy, about the time Penelope had bested Anthony at chess. Now that the book had reminded him of that story, he had subconsciously been thinking it was odd he had never seen Penelope make such suggestions in the middle of a Bridgeton family chess game since. A part of Colin must have remembered her secret chess talent, because he had constantly been finding himself in front of the chessboard, hoping it would somehow lure Penelope, and yet not quite remembering why the chessboard made him think of Penelope. </p><p>It was now quite clear to Colin she had a passion for the game, and that she was deliberately suppressing it in front of everyone.</p><p>Colin knew he was going to be following Weatherby and Penelope that evening. To see she made it safely to her cousins, from her cousins, and to her friends house. His primary goal was to see to her safety and virtue, and anything else he got out of it was just extra. </p><p>At 5:30 that evening, Penelope and Weatherby departed. At 5:45, Colin had expressed his apologies to his family, and explained a friend from university  had sent him an urgent letter regarding a dispute with another classmate. So, basically he was needed as a second in a duel. At 6:00, Colin arrived at the old Featherington home where her cousin had taken residence, and yet there were clearly no visitors at the residence. </p><p>Penelope had lied about going to her cousins. A lie that she would have gotten away with had Colin not decided he wanted to learn all her secrets. So, Colin rode to the second place he might find her at, and sure enough, at the boarding house was the same carriage that had rolled away with Penelope and Mr. Weatherby inside. </p><p>By 7:00, Mr. Weatherby exited the entrance of the boarding home, followed by a short woman with brunette curls, and a gown as black as night, with a demi-mask covering her face. </p><p>Except, Colin Bridgeton wasn’t fooled. The woman in black, with the brunette wig and masquerade mask was none other than Penelope Featherington, doing her best to not look like Penelope Featherington.</p><p>Colin had no clue what Penelope was doing dressed up like that leaving the boarding house with a man like Weatherby, but it made him angry. It made him jealous. </p><p>Penelope’s lack of propriety would ruin her, and Colin could not let that happen. If Colin was to become Penelope’s husband, it would mean that it would be his duty to protect her. Protect her from herself if he had too. </p><p>Colin didn’t think he would be able to go undetected the entire night if this was just the beginning of the evening. Colin shuddered to think what the rest of the evening would be like at this pace, and he suspected that at some point in the evening he would need to send for Anthony and Benedict as backup. </p><p>So, when Penelope and Weatherby arrived at Lord Ashbury’s mansion by 7:30, and Colin had seen all the male guests, he knew had to get Anthony and Benedict as quickly as he could. There was no way that Colin would be able to protect Penelope from the dangers of a house of drunken men by himself. </p><p>He had no idea what Penelope was doing there, and while he had wanted to storm in and find her, he knew that Penelope had come there with a purpose. A purpose that Colin would see destroyed, but a purpose that would hopefully afford her protection until he could return with his brothers in tow.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please, please keep leaving me any feedback, comments, hell even questions you might have, because they really inspire me to keep writing. </p><p>I am posting this back to back update, because thankfully my writing juices were in full swing for this part of the story. So, enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>That afternoon, after Peneleope had stormed out of the drawing room to take a nap in Portia’s guest room, everyone could feel the tension that was left in her wake. </p><p>“Did you have to speak to her so condescendingly, brother?” Eloise had asked her eldest brother in a tone that conveyed her displeasure. Anthony gave her a hard look, and then realized the whole room seemed to be staring at him for his response. </p><p>“I was not trying to diminish Penelope’s accomplishments or intelligence. It’s clear she has been able to manage quite magnificently without my help so far... but no one can deny that I do have more education and years of experience that Penelope does not. Pardon me, Mrs. Featherington, but do you not worry about your daughter being exploited by men such as Weatherby?” Anthony asked, turning to Portia. </p><p>Portia thought Anthony, like his younger brothers, was a handsome and charming man. Although, Portia’s opinion was starting to go sour with every new time he asked questions about her daughter in the middle of the drawing room. Especially, since everybody’s attention had already seemed to turn to Portia.</p><p>“I always worry about my daughter, Lord Bridgerton. However, as you stated, she has managed without your help so far. Magnificently. I have no brothers or cousins I could have prevailed upon following my husband's death, and my husband’s male relatives took my home. I don’t know what we would have done had my daughter not been such an intelligent, creative, and bold woman. If I might, I am of the surely unpopular opinion that once a woman has a taste of the life that society deprives her of, then she can never return to the subjectively dull position society forced upon her before.” Portia offered. </p><p>Portia Featherington was not known for her wisdom or unpopular opinions, but there was an obvious sadness that Portia felt over the loss of her daughter. Of course, no one in that room except for Portia and perhaps even Penelope’s sisters, knew that Penelope truly was planning on “throwing away her life”. Portia would never need worry that Penelope would be without food, clothing, or shelter, but she did worry about the things an independent woman with no marriage prospects became. Penelope would be ruined long before that, but she still wanted her daughter to be happy and in a respectable relationship. </p><p>Now, that Portia had met the elusive Michael Delaney, whom she and her daughters acted as if they were old friends when Lady Danbury brought him around to be introduced, she felt more confident in letting Penelope return to the city. She had felt confident in the mysterious man Penelope had only occasionally dropped short anecdotes about, but then when he showed up in the ton with a circus she had been horrified. Although, her opinion had quickly changed back to that of her original confidence. Michael Delaney was more wealthy than she had imagined from the things Penelope had said about him. </p><p>Penelope had never mentioned working at the circus, and for good reason, because Portia would have thought it blasphemous in the early days of their time in the city. Although, she had finally one day confessed to spending a lot of time with a man, a Michael Delaney. A man, Penelope had said she met at a cafe, who ended up playing a game of chess with her. </p><p>It had been Penelope’s way of telling her mother that she had been compromised. Penelope had never indicated that things with Michael were romantic, but Portia could read between the lines of a friendship between a man and a woman. It didn’t matter if Penelope was telling the truth about them being just friends, they spent time alone together, which means anything could be happening. It had been a risk on Penelope’s part to even tell Portia about Michael Delaney, because if Portia had wanted too, she would have been well within her rights to disown her daughter. She could have forced Penelope from her and her other daughters' lives, reclaimed control of her aunt’s estate, and left Penelope penniless on the streets, and at the mercy of Michael Delaney. Although Portia had conceded, if Michael had refused to protect and provide for Penelope, she suspected her daughter would have found several different ways to protect and provide for herself. The fact was simple, Portia needed Penelope much more than Penelope needed Portia.  </p><p>When Lady Danbury had come to introduce Michael to the Featheringtons it had been a blessing when she started with, “Mr. Delaney, I’m sure you remember Penelope’s family from your time in the city?”, and Michael had enthusiastically responded in the affirmative. He was wealthy, and he was smart. Her daughter's name would be irreparably harmed, but if Michael cared for her daughter as much as she thought he did, then Penelope would have a good life with him and she wouldn’t have to resort to lesser pleasures. </p><p>There was nothing anyone could say to convince Portia that unmarried working class women did not partake in unsuitable and scandalous parties throughout London. Because they did. Portia knew that was where most women who worked for a living, without marriage prospects, would go to enjoy the pleasures of a gentleman’s attention. Penelope had been raised up to believe sex outside of marriage was forbidden, if not slightly lenient when one’s dowry and marriage papers were signed. </p><p>Portia knew Penelope was not the promiscuous sort, Portia had a way of knowing who was virtuous and who wasn’t. However, if she didn’t find a man to marry her as the independent woman she was, Portia could hardly deny the possibility Penelope would tire of being alone at some point. That her morals would fade over time. Of course, Penelope would doubtfully feel the same way. </p><p>“Miss Featherington,” Anthony had started in response. “I believe I owe you and your family an apology.” </p><p>“An apology?” Portia asked. </p><p>“We all do really,” Violet Bridgerton interjected. </p><p>“For what?” Portia asked, genuinely confused. If anything they owed Penelope an apology and she wasn’t even in the room. </p><p>“I will personally apologize to Penelope the next time I see her, but I do believe you and your daughters deserve an apology as well. We should have come to your aid sooner. Well, I specifically should have come to your aid sooner.” Anthony stated. </p><p>“I know we weren’t always the closest of friends, Portia, but Penelope is quite dear to all of us,” Violet added.</p><p>“I see,” Portia replied, shocked by the Bridgertons being so forward with her.</p><p>“I should have known better than to think Penelope would come to me. I suppose since I’ve always viewed her as a sister, and I thought the feelings were mutual, that she would have come to me, or to Eloise at the very least. But I was wrong, and I should have made my intentions to help known to both Penelope and your family the second news of your husband’s death reached my ears. I must admit that my brothers and I did our best to locate all of you after you departed last summer. We were deeply concerned, and we still are,” Anthony stated. </p><p>It took Portia a moment to pull her thoughts together. “Thank you, my Lord... My daughters and I are touched by your...declaration of familial affections and concerns, especially towards Penelope. And my daughters and I are most especially grateful to you and Lady Bridgerton for your hospitality. However, you do not owe us such kindness...You regard Penelope as if she is one of you, but she is not. She is not a Bridgerton. We are not Bridgertons. Our name is just an embarrassing badge we are forced to carry because of my husband's shameful actions. We’ve all learned so much about ourselves in the months we’ve been away from the ton. Do you want to know what I’ve learned about my family?” Portia asked the room. Everybody remained silent. “I learned that Prudence and Phillipa are the women I raised them to be which means they require security, protection, and a respectable marriage, and I’ve learned that Penelope has passions and interests beyond that of being a wife and mother. There is a time I would have been horrified by the very idea of my daughter turning her back on high society, but I owe her for what we have, and we have quite enough to carry ourselves with some self-respect and dignity while we search for suitors whose name will secure Prudence and Phillipa a place in this society,” Portia finished.</p><p>Again, the room was silent. Colin had moved to occupy Penelope’s previous seat, and Penelope’s book was now sitting neatly on his lap. </p><p>“And what of Penelope, Mrs. Featherington?” Colin asked gently. </p><p>“She will do whatever makes her happy, only after she’s helped us find husbands for Prudence and Phillipa,” Portia responded. </p><p>“You don’t wish to see Penelope married?” Anthony asked, slightly horrified. </p><p>“What mother of breeding wouldn’t wish to see all of her daughters respectively married?” Portia demanded. </p><p>“Then why do you indulge your daughter?” Violet asked. </p><p>“And you don’t indulge yours? If I recall, Eloise is as determined to be a spinster as my Penelope is,” Portia stated coldly. </p><p>Eloise opened her mouth to respond, but Violet beat her to the punch. </p><p>“Eloise desires to pursue an education, and when she eventually chooses to marry in the future, then her reputation among society will have remained in as good of standing as it is today. If Penelope leaves the ton with no chaperone, no husband, no guardian, then she’ll be ruined, Portia. Ruined! You can’t possibly want that for your daughter.” Violet said in tone that expressed concern, horror and a lack of comprehension behind Portia’s thinking. </p><p>“I don’t and I must ask everyone to stop implying that I am not positively dying inside at the knowledge of what my daughter’s plans are,” Portia cried. </p><p>“Miss Featherington, you have to let me help you stop her,” Anthony said as he slowly approached Portia. “We can find Penelope a reason to stay, Mrs. Featherington. Let me help you stop Penelope from making such a disastrous decision,” Anthony implored sincerely. </p><p>“I-I can’t,” Portia said with a tear falling down her face. Portia hadn’t even realized she had been brought to tears. </p><p>“Why not?” Colin asked from his seat. </p><p>“She...she protects this family. I don’t know how, but she protects us. She provides for us. The more you try to understand her, the more you risk exposing her to unkind insinuations. Prudence and Phillipa have to be married, Anthony. If we try to unravel everything that she has done, it would not only ruin her, but my other daughters. Please. I want to see my daughter married and living within the bounds and comforts of society more than anyone, but I can’t make her. Not anymore. ” Portia said vaguely. </p><p>“What do you mean?” Anthony asked, looking terribly confused. </p><p>“I couldn’t tell you everything my daughter does, but I assure you society would be wretchedly unkind to us, if the whole truth was made known,” Portia explained. </p><p>Portia would not expose her own daughter, but it had become abundantly clear the Bridgertons were relentless in their efforts to help Penelope. Portia had no idea what Penelope was thinking when she told Anthony she was willing to let him help, but Portia had a feeling Penelope would manage to circumvent most of the truth. This was the most Portia would be able to do for her daughter. Encourage the Bridgertons to stand down. </p><p>“What are you saying, Mrs. Featherington? What do you mean by the whole truth?” Anthony asked. </p><p>“It’s flattering how much you all care, and I will be first to concede that Penelope needs help, but don’t try to take any more than she gives you,” Portia said sternly.</p><p>“I think Mama is just saying that Penelope likes to do things on her own terms,” Phillipa chimed in.  </p><p>“I see,” Anthony stated. </p><p>Colin then stood up, excused himself and walked out of the room with Penelope’s book in hand. </p><p>Colin had been silent throughout most of the exchange between Anthony, his mother, and Mrs. Featherington. Both Penelope and Mrs. Featherington had given Colin a lot to think about. </p><p>There were things that Portia was clearly scared to find out about her own daughter. There were things that Portia clearly feared other people finding out about her daughter. She claimed she had no idea how Penelope did it, but that ringed untrue in Colin’s ears. Portia had been much too fearful about Penelope’s affairs being meddled with by Anthony to be completely oblivious to Penelope’s activities. </p><p>Colin had begun to start puzzling some of the pieces together about Penelope. First, she had worked at the circus. Second, she had an uncommonly familiar friendship with Mr. Weatherby (and Mr. Delaney, who Colin found himself especially concerned about). Third, she retained a room of some sort at the boarding house. Fourth, she was planning to run away from society after her sisters were married</p><p>Colin wouldn’t let Penelope run away from him again. It had been agony not knowing where she was all those months, while he helplessly waited for her to return. If Penelope dared leave, Colin was fairly certain he would bring her back kicking and screaming if he had too. He would tie her to his bed, and make her marry him. Colin knew his thoughts were barbaric, but he had never wanted a woman as badly as he wanted Penelope. He wanted to know every intimate detail about her. </p><p>Most women of Colin’s acquaintance would trip over themselves to share things with him that they thought would catch his attention. He had women always willing to listen to him, and women always willing to share themselves with him. Penelope had always been a good listener, but it had been a dumbfounding realization for Colin, that Penelope had never really shared herself with him. They made small talk, and Colin was certain Penelope had been shy, but he had never suspected she had been secretive as well. It was sobering to know that Penelope could sit in his drawing room reading a book about chess, but he could not recall a single time Penelope had ever acknowledged the game in his presence. He knew she had done so in front of his brothers, but such a thing had never happened again. </p><p>That evening, all the Bridgertons and Featheringtons, excluding Colin and Penelope, had to come together for a chicken dinner. It had been the fullest table to date since the Featherington’s arrived, but still the meal felt incomplete without Colin and Penelope’s presence. It seemed that everyone was in good spirits at the dinner table, so long as no one mentioned anything about Penelope or the conversation that occurred in the drawing room that afternoon.</p><p>At around 8pm, Anthony, Benedict and Simon were all sitting in Anthony’s study sipping brandy when Colin burst through the door. </p><p>“I need your help, it’s Penelope, she’s in danger, and we have to leave now. But for Penelope’s sake we should remain discreet,” Colin spoke with a commanding yet flustered tone. </p><p>“What?” Anthony asked putting down his drink just as Benedict and Simon did. </p><p>“I thought you were acting as a second?” Simon asked. </p><p>“Oh, Simon, one day you’ll be able to recognize Colin’s face when he’s telling a fib,” Benedict replied. </p><p>“Yes, I lied, because I was not going to tell you the truth, but now I guess...I have to. I was following Penelope to make sure Weatherby was getting her around safely. Well, it turns out she never had any dinner plans with her cousin. I found her and Weatherby at the same boarding house she and her family were staying at when they first arrived,” Colin started. </p><p>“You saw Weatherby and Penelope walking into a boarding house?” Anthony asked, horrified.</p><p>“No, I saw Weatherby and Penelope exiting the boarding house. She was...she was dressed up,” Colin continued. </p><p>“Dressed up? What do you mean dressed up?” Benedict asked. </p><p>“She was..she had a wig on. A brunette wig and a mask like for masquerade balls. But it was her, no denying it was her,” Colin replied. </p><p>“That doesn’t make sense,” Simon interjected. </p><p>“No it doesn’t, but that’s not where the story ends. I followed Weatherby and Penelope to Lord Ashbury’s mansion. I believe he is throwing some sort of gentlemen’s party…” Colin said. </p><p>“A gentleman's party! What is Penelope doing there with Weatherby?” Anthony demanded. </p><p>“Well, if we could get a move on, then maybe we can all find out together within the next hour,” Colin said. </p><p>“Are you coming, Basset?” Anthony asked, grabbing his coat off the hanger. </p><p>“I wouldn’t miss this for the world, I’ll catch up to you at the party on horseback, I’ll go tell Daphne and the other ladies that we are going to visit a friends house this evening, and not to wait up. Don’t worry Colin, I’ll keep your secret. You were never here,” Simon said winking, and then slipping out of the study to head in the direction of the drawing room. </p><p>“I imagine one of us should drive the carriage, if we are to bring Penelope back and all?” Benedict asked. </p><p>“Well, I’ll be damned if I let Weatherby escort her home, or anywhere ever again for that matter,” Colin muttered bitterly as he climbed his horse. “But we really must make haste”. </p><p>“Yes, you and Anthony go ahead to help Penelope. Simon and I will be there as quickly as we can. I’ll drive the carriage,” Benedict insisted. </p><p>“Thank you,” Colin said before he went off galloping down the road on his horse. Minutes later, Anthony had mounted his horse and headed in the direction of Lord Ashbury’s. </p><p>Anthony and Colin arrived within mere minutes of each other. It seemed like most everyone’s horses and carriages were parked and being attended to. Lord Ashbury’s valet was greeting anyone who arrived for the party, as no formal invitations had been sent. </p><p>“Colin, wait, before we go in, I have to ask you something,” Anthony started. “Why did you follow Penelope? How did you know she would be at the boarding house?”. </p><p>“I..I..Well, it’s a long story, but in short I think I want to marry her, Anthony. No. No, I know I want to marry her, Anthony. It all happened so quickly, but I cannot stand not knowing her secrets. I cannot stand not knowing if she’s okay or if she’s safe. I feel like I’ve known Penelope all my life, and at the same time, she’s become a complete stranger. She and her mother keep alluding to her wanting to return to the city...alone. I can’t let her, Anthony. I can’t let her disappear again,” Colin confessed. </p><p>After a brief moment of silence in response, Anthony took a deep breath and exhaled, “Oh, thank god”. </p><p>“What?” Colin asked, surprised.</p><p>“Nothing, it’s just a relief I don’t have to worry about finding Penelope a husband anymore. And as a bonus, Mrs. Featherington can go eat crow, because Penelope is a Bridgerton,” Anthony stated patting his brother on the back. </p><p>Colin gave his brother a grateful smile, “I haven’t even proposed,” Colin said. </p><p>“Well, you’re gonna have to do it soon, brother. The quicker you get her married, the quicker you can see to putting an end to whatever this is,” Anthony said gesturing to Ashbury’s mansion. </p><p>Colin and Anthony were escorted into Ashbury’s home by his butler, and then led to the gentlemen’s room. It was like a very large study with books and chairs. That evening there were also drinks and ladies. Colin and Anthony scanned the room for Penelope and Weatherby but neither of them were to be seen. </p><p>Anthony and Colin recognized quite a few gentlemen with whom they proceeded to make small talk with around the room. Eventually, Lord Ashbury himself had made his way to Anthony and Colin who had been just briefly reunited with Benedict and Simon. </p><p>“Ahh, Duke Hastings, Lord Bridgerton, Mr. Bridgerton, and uh, Mr. Bridgerton, what a surprise. I haven’t seen you at any of these kinds of parties as of late, what are you doing here? Oh, don’t tell me, did you come here to see Madam Noire?” Lord Ashbury asked.</p><p>“Madam Noire?” Colin asked.</p><p>“Yes, Mr. Weatherby from the bank met this most remarkable female chess player in the city, and he has been bringing her to different underground chess matches. We are having one tonight. We ask that everyone makes a bet when they come,” Lord Ashbury continued.</p><p>“Female chess player?” Colin asked slightly breathlessly. </p><p>“Yes, she is so good, that we’ve had her and Weatherby up the ante. We now determine how much she drinks before the match,” Ashbury replied. </p><p>“What do you mean by that?” Simon asked, confused. </p><p>“Oh well, our first game of the evening was putting different numbers in a hat. Making bets on which number will get called first. Whichever number that has been pulled that a man has made a bet on, is the number of small glasses of whiskey or brandy that Madam Noire must drink before the start of the game,” Ashbury explained.</p><p>“How many drinks is she having this evening?” Benedict asked. </p><p>“6! With such a number people don’t know whether to bet on her or against her,” Ashbury explained. </p><p>“6! That’s hideous. Should a woman even drink that much whiskey?” Benedict asked.</p><p>“Well, this woman can at least. The problem is I’ve heard Madam Noire won a chess match after 9 glasses of whiskey. I’ve also heard Madam Noir lost a match after 3 glasses of whiskey. I’ve decided to bet against her this evening though,” Ashbury stated.</p><p>“Well, in that case, I’ll be betting on her,” Anthony stated clearly. Benedict, Colin, and Simon were all shocked by this. </p><p>“Bold choice, Lord Bridgerton,” Ashbury smirked before bowing in their direction and continuing his walk around the room. </p><p>All the sudden, the man of the hour walked into the room. Weatherby. </p><p>“Alright, gentlemen. She’s finished and she’s ready. Please come to me to place your final bets,” Mr. Weatherby announced to the room. </p><p>Anthony, Benedict, Colin, and Simon were the only men who had not placed their bets and were the only men dangerously approaching Weatherby. </p><p>“Weatherby,” Anthony sneered in greeting. </p><p>Immediately Weatherby looked up from his papers where he has been tracking bets. There was no other way to describe the look in Weatherby’s eyes other than horror. “Lord Bridgeton, uh Mr. Bridgeton, Mr. Bridgeton, and oh dear god, is that you Duke Hastings?” Weatherby asked. </p><p>“You know it is,” Simon said, giving Weatherby a patronizing look.</p><p>“I..I suppose I do. I..uh, well, uh...I...what are you doing here?” Weatherby stuttered out.</p><p>“Where’s Penelope?” Colin demanded. </p><p>“Shhh! Uh, she, uh, I dropped her off at the Crowleys,” Weatherby started.</p><p>“You filthy little liar,” Colin sneered. “Do you think we are stupid? How dare you risk Penelope’s reputation by bringing her here, disguise or no,” Colin seethed in a hushed tone. </p><p>“I said, shhh! Alright fine, but we do not use her name in here. She’s Madam Noire. And if you must know, she came to me. Not the other way around,” Weatherby stated.</p><p>“What?” Colin asked.</p><p>“She came to me, Bridgerton.” Weatherby replied. </p><p>“She wouldn’t,” Colin caught himself saying. Except, Colin didn’t really know that she wouldn’t. </p><p>“She did.” Weatherby stated, then after a brief pause continued, “listen, I get it. She came to me. Not to you. It’s a bit of a kick in the balls, but we’ve got everything under control, okay? So, the best thing to do right now is leave. Leave before she sees you. If she sees you it’s gonna get messy, and you don’t want that, she doesn’t want that, and I really don’t want that,” Weatherby finished.</p><p>“I’ll bet 300 pounds she wins,” Anthony stated.</p><p>“Big bet. You do know how many glasses of whiskey she had this evening?” Weatherby asked. </p><p>“6. I will not be betting against Penelope.” Anthony stated. </p><p>“That’s magnanimous. I’ll put it down, anyone else?” Weatherby asked. </p><p>“You’re shameless,” Simon muttered. </p><p>“And wealthy, pleasure doing business with you,” Weatherby said, closing his betting book and departing the room. Externally, Weatherby had been holding it together quite well. Internally, he had no idea how he was going to tell Penelope who she would be seeing in mere minutes when she went to the study and started the chess game. </p><p>Weatherby could tell that Penelope was already terribly tipsy. Weatherby had no expectations of Penelope winning the game that evening. Lord Ashbury had set aside a lady’s maid and a private room for Penelope to wait in until they were ready to start the match. It was part of the ever-evolving conditions that Penelope set for him to arrange. </p><p>“Madam Noire, I need to speak to you,” Weatherby said, giving the maid a look that told her to scram. </p><p>“What is it?” Penelope asked, staring into the fire from the fireplace.</p><p>“It’s going to be very upsetting,” Weatherby continued. </p><p>“Just spit it out,” Penelope replied. </p><p>“The Bridgertons. They’re here.” Weatherby stated clippedly.</p><p>“What?” Penelope asked, horrified and jumping to her feet from the chair she had been sitting on. “No, no, no that can’t be true. They were at home this evening, eating chicken! They are eating chicken,” Penelope cried. </p><p>“Well, now they are in the study,” Weatherby calmly replied . </p><p>“Oh, god! How did this happen?” Penelope asked.</p><p>“I wish I knew, but the show must go on. Make it a quick loss,” Weatherby said. </p><p>“Did they place a bet?” Penelope whispered. </p><p>After a brief pause, Weatherby replied, plainly, “yes.”  </p><p>“Did they bet against me?” Penelope asked forlornly. </p><p>Another brief pause, and Weatherby lied with a simple “yes”. Weatherby waited another beat before adding, “so, if you want to do the Bridgertons a favor, lose quickly.” </p><p>Penelope didn’t realize how much it would hurt knowing that the Bridgertons had made a bet against her. Penelope knew she was drunk and it had been wise of them to not bet on her to win, but would it have killed them to have some faith in her? Penelope knew she was acting irrationally, the Bridgertons lack of faith in her was not the biggest problem.</p><p>The Bridgertons had caught her. Caught her in a most scandalous position. If they uttered a word about her true identity, she would be ruined. The Bridgertons had sense. They knew they would be ruining her, right? Penelope was extremely distressed, but oddly she just seemed far too focused on the fact that the Bridgertons had bet against her. Michael would have bet on her, if she had had a million glasses of whiskey. Penelope knew it was unfair to compare them, Michael knew her in ways, the Bridgertons did not. </p><p>It was a cruel thing she was going to do to the Bridgertons, and Weatherby, but she didn’t care that he wanted her to lose that evening. She was going to make the Bridgertons watch her win. </p><p>There was just one problem with her plan. She was drunk, and she was terrified to face the Bridgertons. Penelope knew the longer she stewed in the bedroom, the more impaired she would be when she sat down. Penelope knew what she had to do. She would go sit down, she would not look at the Bridgertons, and she would start the chess game. The second, she started second guessing her moves, she would ask for a brief 30 min adjournment. She would then tell Ashbury’s maid, who Penelope knew was a spy, that her monthly had started. Oh, the thought of it just made Penelope cringe with humiliation. She would tell the maid that she needed to get her the necessary garments required, and Penelope would take the time to sober up as quickly as she could. She had learned the hard way that water would save her from spending hours with her head in the bucket. She also knew splashing her face with some water would help. But above all, Penelope knew it would give her 30 minutes to find her a path to victory. </p><p>So, Penelope looked in the mirror. Adjusted her wig and mask. Painted more ruby lipstick onto her lips, and stood up straight. She was tipsy, but she knew it would only get worse if she didn’t start the game now. Penelope walked out of the room and walked to the entrance of the study. The doors were closed and Weatherby was waiting outside to be her escort into the room. </p><p>“Are you ready?” Weatherby asked. </p><p>“Yes,” Penelope replied. </p><p>Weatherby hooked his arm with Penelope’s and opened the door to the study. Penelope was used to gentlemen’s parties by this point. There were always other ladies flirting with the men, and the smell of cigar smoke and whiskey permeated the air. </p><p>“Gentlemen and Ladies, might I introduce the lovely Madam Noire, who has most graciously imbibed herself with several drinks this evening, because she is simply just too good for any man sober,” Weatherby proudly introduced.  </p><p>“You’re too kind, Mr. Weatherby,” Penelope replied in an embarrassingly sultry voice. She couldn’t sound like Penelope Featherington either. </p><p>Penelope’s voice seemed to really catch Colin’s attention. She sounded like a different woman, but it was still Penelope’s voice. A seductive sounding voice. A voice he didn’t think he ever wanted to hear her speak like again, unless they were in his bedroom, of course. </p><p>Most men were seated with ladies on their laps, but all the Bridgerton men including Simon, were standing in the back, staring quite intensely at Penelope. Penelope had tried to avoid glancing in their direction, but together their combined energy was impossible to ignore. Penelope accidentally glanced and she was caught in a trap by Colin’s eyes. </p><p>The way Colin was able to hold Penelope’s eyes to his, made Penelope want to whimper in fear. She knew exactly what his eyes were saying to her. </p><p>Colin didn’t have to verbally tell Penelope that she was his, because his eyes made it quite clear. </p><p>Penelope Featherington was at Colin Bridgerton’s mercy, now. And Penelope didn’t think Colin would forget that. </p><p>Penelope sat down and shook hands with her opponent, Mister Ashmore. He was supposedly a chess prodigy and would be a formidable opponent. </p><p>“Have you had anything to drink tonight, Mister Ashmore?” Penelope asked, maintaining her low, seductive tone.</p><p>“I have, but I must regret to inform you, that I have not nearly had as much as you,” Mister Ashmore replied lightly. </p><p>“Pity. If you defeat me, you’ll feel less vindicated. And if I defeat you, you’ll be humiliated. Sounds like a no-win situation” Penelope replied. </p><p>“How so?” Ashmore asked. </p><p>“I think the only way a man can truly feel vindicated in winning a chess match against a woman, is if she is as sober as he is. And if man must play with a woman more inebriated then him, and still loses, well, that’s just pathetic,” Penelope responded.</p><p>“Madam Noire, perhaps you should start the game and bite that overly sharp tongue of yours,” Weatherby said with clenched teeth. </p><p>“Oh do forgive me, Mister Ashmore, a woman can seldom fight her own worst impulses after 2 ounces of champagne, and I’ve had at least 12 ounces of whiskey.” Penelope said with a lazy smirk. </p><p>“Lets begin,” Ashmore stated tightly. </p><p>The Bridgertons and Simon all watched as Penelope made her first move, and then Ashmore made his. About 20 minutes into the game, Penelope abruptly stood up. </p><p>“I need a brief adjournment,” Penelope said before practically running out of the room with Weatherby on her heels. Immediately, Colin went to follow Weatherby and Penelope. When he reached the hall, he heard Weatherby muttering in harsh tones to Penelope, as he followed her to the bedroom she was staying in. Colin couldn’t hear what Weatherby was telling Penelope, but then he heard a door slam, and Weatherby shouted a curse word.</p><p>Colin eventually found his way, and found Weatherby waiting outside Penelope’s door as a maid came. Colin saw the maid, quickly pulled one of the footmen who had been serving Ashbury’s guest aside and whispered something in his ear, and then departed to the servants quarters. Colin then saw the footmen disappear back in the direction of the study. </p><p>“Bridgerton, what are you doing here?” Weatherby asked. </p><p>“I’m here to see...Madam Noire. Is she alright?” Colin asked Weatherby coolly. </p><p>“It’s nothing more than the female’s complaint,” Weatherby responded loudly as if he wanted Penelope to hear him speaking about her. </p><p>All the sudden, Colin heard a crash come from inside the room Penelope was in. </p><p>“Penelope!” Colin could not hold himself back from calling her name. “Penelope, are you alright? Let me in,” Colin urged. There was no response. “Penelope...Pen... please. Please let me in! We need to talk. Everything is going to be alright, but you have to talk to me, Pen.” Colin insisted in a surprisingly gentle authoritarian tone. </p><p>“Colin?” Penelope said from directly behind the close door. </p><p>“Pen, oh thank god, please open the door, and let me in,” Colin said. </p><p>“I-I can't do that. No one can come in, or they’ll say we cheated. Please go home, Colin...please. I-I don’t want you to see me like this,” Penelope said with a crack in her voice.</p><p>“Penelope, you’re mad! I am not leaving you! You will finish your game, and then my brothers and I are taking you home. Pen, I...I don’t know what all of this is, but I do know that you know this is dangerous. Gambling with a bunch of degenerates who force you to get drunk, because you are too good of a chess player. This is ridiculous, Penelope, and it won’t happen ever again. So, please come out, and finish the game so we can go home. Anthony won’t be angry if you lose, we just want to know why you are here, and why you are doing this,” Colin said through the door. </p><p>“What?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Oh, please Pen don’t make me say it again, the important thing is that I lo-”, and before Colin could tell Penelope how he really felt, she interrupted him. </p><p>“No, the part about Anthony not being angry if I lose...Did he bet on me?” Penelope asked in an awe-filled voice. </p><p>“Of course he did,” Colin replied, even though he had been surprised himself about Anthony’s support. </p><p>“I-I had no idea,” Penelope said. “Weatherby, you are an arsehole!” Penelope cried through the door. </p><p>Weatherby had been standing on the opposite side of the hallway listening to the conversation between Colin and Penelope. However, there was no use trying to defend himself. He had wanted her to lose, and the second she called an adjournment, he had berated her the entire walk from the study to the guest room about why she hadn’t already lost the match. </p><p>“Penelope, so help me god, if you do not throw the match,” Weatherby seethed as he approached the door so that Penelope could hear him. </p><p>“You want her to throw the match, my brother just bet 300 pounds she would win?” Colin asked, horrified. </p><p>“300 pounds!” Penelope cried. “Colin, you need to leave. I need to focus. Weatherby, I am drunk and you absolutely might get your wish, but I am not purposefully throwing the game. Once the maid returns, I’ll be back in shortly to finish.” Penelope said. </p><p>Colin glared at Weatherby as he responded to Penelope, “You’re amazing, Pen. Anthony, Benedict, Simon, and I will be rooting for you. And if you should lose, it will be alright, Pen. I’m here for you. Always,” Colin said. There was no response, but Colin figured she had retreated away from the door so she could focus. </p><p>“As for you Weatherby, I will make it my mission that she never sees you again,” Colin sneered before turning his back and heading back to his brothers and the study. </p><p>Colin sighed as he approached his family, “it’s going to be a long night”.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for all the comments and kudos! They keep me motivated for continuing this story. </p><p>I honestly didn't expect myself to still be writing this story and consistently coming up with more ideas for where I want to take it as I slowly but surely draw it to a conclusive ending. There is a reason my name is inconsistent af, after all! I'm not always good at finishing my stories, but I do think I can finish this one. So, any show of support for this story is just very much appreciated. </p><p>Lastly, I do want to acknowledge that all my characters are flawed. All of them. The Bridgertons most obviously, but Michael and Penelope are very flawed characters too. Penelope is very guarded, and she has a very specific set of needs because she needs to feel safe, but also free. The Bridgerton's are great with making her feel safe, but they are too protective and driven by society's views about women. Michael represents freedom and independence, but he isn't necessarily the "safe choice". </p><p>So, I mean...everyone has something they gotta work on if they want to end up in a HEA, otherwise this story would get really dark, really fast. Forced marriages, while maybe a little fun to write (only because it would be a never ending tirade about being miserable but also trying to fall in love and be happy, despite again the miserable circumstances), is not what I want for my heroine. </p><p>Anyway, Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Anthony had no idea that he was going to be making a 300 pound bet that evening. He had no idea that when he betted 300 pounds that he would be betting on a severely drunk Penelope Featherington. </p><p>Anthony had however known the reason why he had decided to bet on a severely drunk, Penelope Featherington. If at least one of the gentlemen in his party had to make a bet that evening, then he would be the one to do it. And if he had had one choice between betting on or betting against Penelope. He would bet on her. No questions asked. </p><p>Yes, Anthony was furious about the whole situation, but he didn’t want to offend Penelope by taking the bet against her. Anthony knew Penelope was smart, but upon recent observations, Anthony could also say she was troubled. Anthony knew how delicate a woman’s sensibilities could be and he didn’t want to give Penelope any reason for her to believe he didn’t find her efforts extraordinary. Anthony, simply just thought, he could do things for Penelope much more efficiently and above board then she could clearly do for herself, and therefore make her life easier. Under his mentorship, Penelope and him would not have demeaned themselves by setting up a whole gambling scheme. It seemed this was just another example of Weatherby’s horrible influence. </p><p>Then again, Weatherby had stated quite clearly that Penelope had been the one to approach him. </p><p>Had Penelope approached Weatherby instead of Anthony because she knew he would never have let her humiliate herself to get ahead? Because that was what Penelope was most certainly doing. Penelope was getting ahead financially in a completely unrespectable manner. </p><p>Gambling was a perfectly acceptable pastime among wealthy noble gentlemen, but it was hardly acceptable for a woman to be at the center of a gambling operation. Wealthy wives might gamble with some card games, but such games were usually quite discreet, but the gambling appetites of men were quite dangerous in comparison. In fact, the respectability with gambling all together was slowing making its way out the door, because as per the Featherington family for evidence, many noble gentlemen (and even ladies) were throwing away entire family fortunes in an evening. Then, in addition there were the banks who were becoming very particular about where and how gambling money could be recorded and accounted for fairly and safely. To put it simply, there were people who could gamble, and there were people who shouldn’t, and Penelope fit neatly into that category.</p><p>Anthony also had to acknowledge that Penelope had gone to good efforts to disguise her identity. However, it would be only a matter of time before someone recognized her, especially with all the recent attention due to Whistledown and Michael Delaney. Penelope was walking a very fine line, especially now that the Bridgertons knew what she was doing. </p><p>Anthony had whispered to all his brothers, while they had watched Penelope play, that they were going to let her finish her game, and then they would all inconspicuously make an exit while bringing as little attention to themselves as possible. Everyone had agreed. It was in Penelope’s best interest that they all stuck to the back of the room and waited for the game to end.</p><p>When Penelope had abruptly excused herself from the room, with Weatherby hot on her heels, Colin could not resist the impulse to follow her.  Anthony had managed to stop Benedict from instinctively wanting to follow his brother’s charge. </p><p>“Do not bring undue attention, Benedict,” Anthony had muttered to his younger brother as his arm had reached out to physically and subtly stop him.</p><p>“Yes, but-,” Benedict had started.</p><p>“No, I do believe Colin can handle this alone. For now.” Anthony added ominously. </p><p>“Oh no, I do believe I know what the voice means,” Benedict stated. </p><p>“What voice?” Anthony asked. </p><p>“The infamous “sit down and let me lecture you endlessly” voice,” Benedict replied, merely exasperated at the thought. </p><p>“Is that what that voice is? I thought it would be the same voice you use with me when we are having a row,” Simon asked.</p><p>“Oh no, this voice prefaces his rowing voice. It’s the calm before the storm. It’s the “we’re in public now, but wait until the second we’re in private,” warning,” Benedict said. </p><p>“Pen?” Simon asked. </p><p>“Who else, Basset?” Anthony asked through his clenched teeth. </p><p>“Hey brother, I’m not disagreeing with you. What she has done is completely irresponsible and downright dangerous, but she isn’t your responsib-“ Simon started. </p><p>“Yet,” Anthony interrupted. </p><p>“Anthony...she...and you?” Benedict asked dumbfounded. </p><p>“No, not me, Colin,” Anthony stated clippedly. </p><p>“Really?” Benedict asked, surprised. </p><p>“Really. And as the head of the family, I will consider her my responsibility until they are wed,” Anthony stated firmly. </p><p>“Has he even proposed yet?” Simon asked. </p><p>“I don’t think so, no,” Anthony replied.</p><p>“Well, I hope for his sake he doesn’t try to do it tonight. Good lord, she’s 6 drinks deep and wearing a wig, how unromantic,” Benedict muttered. Simon and Anthony grunted in agreement. </p><p>Shortly, Colin returned and stated “It’s gonna be a long night.”</p><p>“What’s going on?” Anthony asked. </p><p>“Weatherby wanted her to throw the match. She refuses, but she’s drunk. I don’t know if you’ll be able to keep the 300 pounds, but I already promised her you wouldn’t be angry if she lost,” Colin stated. </p><p>“Well, I will try my best not to be too angry about the 300 pounds, considering I knew how drunk she was and how much of a risk it was, but there is no way we can ignore this, Colin. You know that right?” Anthony asked. </p><p>“Yes, but we shouldn’t be too hard on her. I’ve barely had a chance to even tell her how I feel,” Colin stated. </p><p>“Colin, what would you do if you were already married to her? I want to know,” Anthony asked. </p><p>“I-I don’t know. I can’t imagine she would have been able to do this if we had already been married, I know I would have forbidden it.” Colin explained. </p><p>“So, now your wife has disobeyed you. What do you do?” Anthony asked him. </p><p>“I-I don’t think I feel comfortable answering,” Colin replied honestly with a small blush. Simon, Anthony, and Benedict all had to give a small chuckle at Colin’s response. They knew all too well about the different ways a husband could come up with to creatively punish his wife, especially in the bedroom. </p><p>“Fair enough,” Anthony muttered. “How about I pose a different question? How would you punish Daphne, or Eloise, or even Franny and Hyacinth? What would you do if one of our sisters was in Penelope’s position?” Anthony asked. </p><p>“I guess...I guess I would be quite angry. Very angry with them. I’d probably lecture at them until I was sure they were properly contrite. Then I suppose, I’d insist on a proper grounding. No more than a month, but no social events or leaving the house,” Colin said. </p><p>“And when you say “properly contrite,” you mean?” Anthony asked.</p><p>“Contrite. Sorry. Guilty. Regretful. You know what I mean,” Colin replied. </p><p>“Sorry, just making some notes as to Penelope’s punishment,” Anthony explained. </p><p>“What?” Colin asked. </p><p>“Colin, we must handle this. This comes down to a problem between you and her, and for the moment, me as well. As the head of the family that is. I don’t want to spoil your plans for when you ask her to marry you, but we cannot ignore this until then. You have to lay down your cards, tonight. Make it clear that this behavior is unacceptable. If father was still around he would have taken a belt to her for this. That is just how serious, crazy, and dangerous this scheme of hers is to her own reputation. Now, you know how I feel about corporal punishment, and I would never hurt Penelope, but if you do plan to marry her, then now is the time to get the truth out of her. Now is the time to make it clear that she will become a  Bridgerton, and as such, she will not be degrading herself for the likes of Weatherby’s wallet. I’ve decided that tomorrow morning, I am going to get authorization to review Penelope bank papers. It’s clear to me, more than ever before, that Weatherby and her are hiding something that they don’t want me to see. It’s best that she learns that the first domino has toppled and it won’t be long before they all do,” Anthony pontificated to his family but mostly to Colin. </p><p>All the sudden, Penelope walked into the room, and sat down at the chessboard. </p><p>“I’m ready to reconvene,” Penelope stated. </p><p>“Of course,” Ashmore replied. </p><p>And then the match resumed. Another 40 minutes, and Penelope made her last move. </p><p>“Checkmate,” Penelope said softly. Ashmore was looking at the board in horror. </p><p>“You cheated,” Ashmore accused.</p><p>“How?” Penelope asked </p><p>“I-I don’t know how, but you did. You had to have,” Ashmore replied frantically. </p><p>“It’s quite hard to cheat at chess. I’m not a mind reader. How could I possibly have known what moves you would make before you made them?” Penelope asked, admittedly with an obvious trace of condescension.</p><p>“You fucking bitch,” Ashmore replied right before he reached across the chessboard to slap Penelope across the face. </p><p>The slap had been deafening. If Simon or any of the Bridgertons had been close enough to the chessboard  they would have all simultaneously pounced on top of  Mr. Ashmore and beat him within an inch of his life. However, as it was, they were much too far away from Penelope to defend her, and if they had reacted as impulsive as they all felt, then they would have brought dangerous levels of attention to themselves that would have risked Penelope’s identity from being discovered. </p><p>Anthony gave Weatherby a deadly glare that demanded he do his supposed job as Penelope’s “advocate” and protect her from further abuse and harassment. Colin had been much too busy staring at Penelope in horror. </p><p>“I’m afraid that cheating at a game of chess is impossible. I do believe there are ears all around this house that can attest to the fact that Madam Noire had no help whatsoever. The 30 minute adjournment was spent with her alone in the guestroom where she had no access to any sort of tools that could help her. I’m afraid she has won fair and square. Now, I must ask that you not lay your hands on her again. I’ll have the betting books all settled by Thursday, Gentlemen. But I do believe I shall see Madam Noir home now,” Weatherby announced to the room and then quickly went to pull a still slightly shocked Penelope from her chair to lead her out of the room as quickly as possible. </p><p>Anthony held on to Colin’s wrist to steady him until the gentlemen and ladies in the room had started to turn to each other in conversation. Then, Anthony let go of Colin’s wrist, and he was off to the races to track Penelope down and make sure she actually wouldn't leave with Weatherby. </p><p>Weatherby had been quickly making his way out of the mansion with Penelope in his arms. Penelope had severely pissed him off by winning the competition. Severely pissed him off. Weatherby would never admit to the glimmer of satisfaction he felt at having watched Ashmore smack her across her face. It would be a betrayal to Penelope, but Weatherby was furious with her. </p><p>“Weatherby!” A voice called out to him as soon as they were outside.</p><p>Weatherby had stopped in his tracks. Penelope had been completely silent as he had dragged her outside, and was clearly in a state of shock. She was forcibly being held to Weatherby’s side, but it seemed like she was too focused on what was happening inside her head. Weatherby turned around to face Colin Bridgerton. </p><p>“Mr. Bridgerton. I was just taking Madam Noire home. After the night she’s had, I think we both know that keeping cool heads and following routine are best when handling...delicate situations such as this. Don’t you think?” Weatherby asked condescendingly. </p><p>“Weatherby, don’t make this difficult. She’s coming with me,” Colin stated firmly. </p><p>“Why don’t we ask Madam Noire what she wants? Hmm, Madam Noire? Should you like to be leaving with this strange man?” Weatherby demanded of her cruelly and loudly. Ashbury’s valets were around, and it would be humiliating if she were to leave with anyone but Weatherby. Madam Noire would appear to be a hussy. </p><p>Penelope physically cringed at Weatherby’s words. He was making the whole situation so much more humiliating than it already was. She wanted to be left alone, and she wanted to drink until she forgot everything that had happened that evening, and eventually found peace in her sleep. She didn’t want to leave with either Weatherby or Colin. Neither was a safe haven. </p><p>She wasn’t going to be able to hide from the Bridgertons. At most, she could delay the inevitable and uncomfortable conversation by going with Weatherby, but that would probably make the inevitable and uncomfortable conversation worse later on. </p><p>“I believe I’ve made the proper acquaintance of Mr. Bridgerton,” Penelope replied to Weatherby softly. She was purposefully choosing to cast her eyes away from both Weatherby and Colin. Penelope didn’t think she would be able to look into anyone’s eyes for a long while. She was inundated with shame. </p><p>She was drunk. She’d been called a fucking bitch and slapped across the face. She was dressed completely out of character, and it made her nervous to be seen in such a way in front of all the Bridgertons. The only thing she could hold herself high about was the fact that she had won the chess game and spared Anthony from losing such a high bet, but even that was an accomplishment that she so frequently achieved, she could hardly find pride in it at the moment. </p><p>Colin reached out his hand to her, but Penelope didn’t want to take it. She didn’t want to take anyone’s hand. She just wanted to be left alone. </p><p>“Are you sure, Madam Noire? I didn’t think you were one to entertain such debauchery,” Weatherby stated patronizingly. </p><p>Before Penelope could hold her hand back, she dished out exactly what she had received that evening. She had pulled back her hand, which was completely out of her control, and slapped Weatherby across the face. </p><p>“Don’t speak to me like that!” Penelope cried. </p><p>“Why you vile, ill-tempered, ungrateful cunt!” Weatherby shouted while he grabbed Penelope by the wrist and pulled her to his body so that he could physically intimidate her into submission. </p><p>No sooner had Weatherby pulled Penelope into his body, then had he ended up being knocked away from Penelope and into the ground. </p><p>“Don’t you dare lay another fucking hand on her,” a furious Colin growled over Weatherby’s toppled body. </p><p>The second that Weatherby had reached for a clearly flustered, angry, drunk Penelope was the second Colin had seen red. Colin Bridgerton had witnessed one too many men manhandle and abuse Penelope in one evening, and he was not going to let another infraction against her go unpunished. He had immediately found himself lunging for Weatherby, and knocking him down with a punch. Penelope had given a cry of surprise, and fell to the side of the dirt road they were standing on, as Weatherby had thrusted her away at the same time she had attempted to pull away from him at Colin’s speedy approach. </p><p>“What the fuck!” Weatherby screamed in pain as he held onto his bleeding nose. </p><p>“You don’t ever put your hands on her again! Ever! Do you understand me?” Colin seethed as he went to lift Penelope from the ground.</p><p>Penelope had been looking on at Weatherby sputtering filth and vile language as he languished on the ground in agony. Colin’s arms had come around to engulf Penelope’s shoulders. At the same time, Anthony, Benedict, and Simon came running out of Ashbury’s house. </p><p>“Colin, we need to leave, Benedict’s having the carriage brought around to take her home. We’ll follow on our horses,” Anthony stated firmly eyeing the whimpering Weatherby on the ground. “You alright there, Weatherby?” he added for ‘politeness’. </p><p>“Do I look alright, Bridgerton? They both assaulted me! What a fine pair of criminals you both make!” Weatherby cried. </p><p>“Oh, Weatherby. We both know you wouldn’t do something as stupid as involve the authorities over the matter. Not if you don’t want hell to pay at the bank, that is,” Anthony threatened. </p><p>“Are you threatening me?” Weatherby asked angrily while finally pulling himself up from the ground. </p><p>“It’s not worth it, Weatherby, and we both know it. Call it a night. You’re clearly upset she didn’t do what you wanted her too. And with that, I wish you a good rest of the evening Mr. Weatherby,” Anthony stated firmly. </p><p>The valet had brought around the Bridgertons carriage by this point, and only just then did some of the gentlemen from the party make their way to the entrance. Colin had steered Penelope toward the carriage door and proceeded to open it for her, as Benedict made his way to the driver's seat. </p><p>“Let’s go,” Colin said, nearly shoving Penelope into the carriage. </p><p>“Wait,” Penelope said softly. Penelope then turned away from the carriage door to a furious Weatherby who was being looked down by a furious Anthony. </p><p>“What?” Colin asked confused, still keeping a protective arm around Penelope’s shoulder. </p><p>“Weatherby, I-I-just-“ Penelope started. </p><p>“Penelope, it’s time to go,” Anthony said firmly, giving her a supercilious stance. </p><p>Penelope had been having a difficult time trying to find the right words to say to Weatherby. Weatherby and her were by no means the best of friends, but they did more often than not have a good time together. They enjoyed drinking and winning, and mostly using each other for their respective resources to get ahead. It wasn’t a healthy friendship, but it was a kind of friendship. </p><p>“Viscount Bridgerton, much like Mr. Weatherby, neither of you speak for me.” Penelope started, being particular with Anthony’s formal title. “As I was saying, I just wanted to tell Weatherby that if he ever crosses me or lies to me again, he will rue the day we ever met. If you haven’t figured out just what I’m capable of, then I pity you Weatherby,” Penelope said before turning back to the Bridgertons carriage. </p><p>Penelope would have loved if she could have just taken off on a horse after her speech, but besides climbing into the Bridgertons carriage or leaving with Weatherby, her options were just about nil. She didn’t have a horse, and she doubted Colin or any of the Bridgertons would have just let her take off, no questions asked. No, that would just be too damn easy. </p><p>Penelope, reluctantly, climbed into the carriage. She heard Colin mutter something to Anthony and Benedict, and then he opened the carriage door and climbed in to sit across from her. </p><p>“We need to talk, Pen,” Colin said while looking at her firmly. </p><p>“Whatever about? Didn’t you bring a horse with you?” Penelope asked, hoping to change the subject. </p><p>“Anthony will be taking back my horse. And you know exactly what we need to discuss, Pen,” Colin replied.</p><p>“Can you tell Benedict to take me to the boarding house? I really don’t want to go back to your house looking like this,” Penelope said. </p><p>“What if someone should see us? Lady Whistledown would write about us,” Colin replied. “I think we should go straight home.”</p><p>“Oh yes, how terrible! If Lady Whistledown were to write about us being seen in front of a boarding home, it’d be scandalous! I’d be positively ruined unless you married me. Oh what a terrible thing to happen, indeed!” Penelope said sarcastically. </p><p>“Pen,” Colin started. </p><p>“I know, I know. If you ruined me, you would marry me, because that’s who you are as a Bridgerton. Honorable. But don’t worry, I wouldn’t make you. I would never make you do something as dreadful as marry me. You know, if I wanted to marry you, I’d only have to trick you, and I am not trying to trick you. I promise you, Lady Whistledown won’t write of us. I’ll tell you why, I’m in a disguise, and you won’t need to step one foot out of this carriage to escort me in. I just want to drop this stuff off, and change, and then I’ll come back, and you can drop me off at your house,” Penelope stated. </p><p>Penelope was bitter, and could be a bit of a mean drunk sometimes. For the most part, she thought she was a great laugh after a few drinks, but the Bridgertons always seemed to bring out the tired, angry drunk in her. Colin, himself, was processing a myriad of emotions. For one, this was the first time it really seemed like he had had Penelope all to himself. Colin wanted nothing more than to take her hands, kiss her softly, take her mask, wig, and dress off, and make love to the woman underneath it all. Although, something in Colin’s gut told him that this wasn’t the right time. </p><p>Colin took a deep breath, and then slapped the carriage loud enough to get Benedict’s attention. The carriage was briefly stalled as Colin told them their change in plans. Benedict’s reply had sounded uncertain, like he wasn’t sure if he agreed with Colin’s choice to give Penelope the courtesy of dropping her disguise off. Although, Penelope had a point, who was Colin to deny her her freedom, yet, and it seemed like she had managed to avoid Lady Whistledown’s attention for nearly 2 weeks. As soon as the carriage started rolling, Penelope muttered a quiet “thank you” to Colin. </p><p>“You’re welcome,” Colin replied, “what did you mean by tricking me?”</p><p>Penelope couldn’t help the tiny laugh that escaped her throat, as she looked at Colin, really looked at Colin for the first time that evening. <br/>“C’mon Colin, don’t tell me that you don’t know?” Penelope asked teasingly. </p><p>“Let’s assume I don’t,” Colin found himself saying slightly breathless as he looked into her eyes. </p><p>“Oh, I know you do, Colin. A woman can do it to a man just as easily as men find themselves doing it to women. It’s all about timing, location, and of course Lady Whistledown.” Penelope explained. </p><p>“What do you mean?” </p><p>“You said it yourself. What if we should be seen, and Lady Whistledown writes about us? Well, Colin, ask yourself. What if?” Penelope pushed. </p><p>“We’d have to be married,” Colin whispered gutteraly. </p><p>“Yes, and yet we’ve never even kissed or properly courted each other. You’d be trapped into a marriage with me by mere insinuation. Tell me, how many marriages has the ton seen as a result of Lady Whistledown reporting one incident where a man and woman were caught in a compromising location, to say nothing of what position they were seen in? If they are caught in each other’s arms maybe it’s a blessing to have been seen and for a quick marriage to result, but to be seen in just each others company in a solitary albeit suspicious location, such as in the garden, or a private study, or outside of a respectable boarding home...with no indication of romance between the couple, well then the woman has bet everything on a gentleman’s honor, doesn’t she?” Penelope asked reflectively. </p><p>“Yes, I suppose so,” Colin replied. Colin had never heard Penelope speak in such a manner. No woman of his acquaintance had ever been so explicitly blunt about the politics of marriages in their social class. Penelope wasn’t wrong, there were lots of reasons why both men and women would try to compromise each other for their familial and financial benefits. The happiest marriages he’d seen were the results of couples that had been rumored to have been caught in scandalous positions, but there were also a good amount of marriages that had resulted just by society’s insinuation of the events that might have taken place being found in such private areas. </p><p>“Don’t pretend like there wasn’t a reason you never asked me to take a walk in the garden with you,” Penelope said softly, but her words had been brutally honest. Downright cruel, that it left Colin feeling like he had just been stabbed in the gut. </p><p>“Pen,” Colin muttered weakly. </p><p>“Oh Colin, please don’t look so hurt-” Penelope started, but never finished. </p><p>Because Colin Bridgerton had just leaped across the carriage to grab Penelope Featherington’s arms to pull her body into his chest, and was now kissing her. It didn’t take long before she found herself kissing him right back. Kissing him with a passion she hadn’t realized she possessed. She had never needed anything so badly, as she needed Colin to keep kissing her like he’d never see her again.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>600 Kudos! Okay, so like 599 with my own kudos, but thank you so much! This has been one of my most successful works ever, and I really hope I don't upset anyone with this upcoming chapter. It was a hard chapter. Hard conversations need to be had. </p><p>There's definitely a fine line between a love story with dark elements, and a dark love story. </p><p>Anyways, please enjoy and as always I so look forward to any and all feedback!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Penelope Featherington had never been kissed like this before. Michael had kissed her before she left, and it had been wonderful, and sweet, and enlightening. However, she had always wondered what it would feel like to be kissed by Colin Bridgerton. She had always imagined his kisses would be light, but not passionate. Not this passionate. </p><p>It had been drilled into young Penelope’s mind that kissing was only for those who were meant to be married. So, Penelope had always assumed that she would only be able to kiss one man, and that was to be the man who offered her marriage. Michael had gone and kissed her, and it had been so freeing. Penelope had always thought it was quite unfair that society would allow her to kiss only one man throughout her entire life. She had no serious hopes that Colin would ever marry her, but all the same it would have been nice if she could have found a way to have kissed him at least once with no strings attached before they both inevitably married someone else.  </p><p>Now that Penelope was finally kissing Colin Bridgerton, she found herself feeling more empowered and passionate than she had ever felt in her life. No one had ever made her feel so desirable. Michael had, but this felt different from Michael's kiss. Michaels kiss had been seeking and firm and bewildering, but Colin's kiss had been captivating. The way that Colin’s mouth captured hers, and the way he was holding her tightly up against him, and feeling her body. She felt like her body had been ignited in a way that she could recognized in sparsity, but never thought those feelings could be so enhanced. </p><p>It was like the amplified feeling of when Colin smiled at her. When Michael talked about his ambitions and plans. When Colin gave her ‘that look’ on the dance floor, and she felt truly seen by him. The natural feeling inside her had compared to the warmth and contentment she felt after a few glasses of whiskey. </p><p>Penelope had been the one to teach herself about the human body and sex, but it was not something ever discussed among women. It was something she had been told would be explained to her the night before her wedding. Penelope’s curiosity wasn’t going to wait several more years to a lifetime to figure out what the big deal was. Of course, she always played ignorant when the topic of babies arose, but she couldn’t stand not knowing fundamentals. She’d rather feign stupidity, then actually allow herself to be stupid. </p><p>Penelope, at the time she quickly skimmed the anatomy textbook in the library, had garnered a few understandings about the process of child making. For one, men had to always achieve “climax”, and women did not in order to create children. In fact, the textbook seemed to indicate the act itself was quite distressing to some women, and over time they may come to “tolerate” the act. </p><p>It was around the time that a young married cousin from her father’s side had come to visit. Margaret had indulged Penelope and her sisters about the qualities of a married life, including the kinds of “immeasurable pleasures” one could receive in the bedroom. Margaret for propriety sake said nothing else, but Penelope had begun to understand that sex wasn’t a one way street. </p><p>There were times when Penelope was phasing into a young adult, that she would experience certain “feelings” in the most sensitive and sacred part of her body. Especially where Colin was concerned. It was like a subtle painless itch that she was told to ignore because it couldn’t be scratched without a husband. Nonetheless, she lived with it and tried to suppress the warmth that washed over her body when Colin looked at her. And suppressed what that warmth really meant to her when she looked at other gentlemen. </p><p>She had felt the same warmth when she met Michael. She was so attracted to his ambitious quality. She was so attracted to the way he had made something for himself without the support of his family or even much money to start with. </p><p>Penelope had been envious of the women she saw in the city, the women who worked and walked around the city alone without fear. Penelope had been nervous the first few times she had travelled independently, but it seemed like for the most part, she had nothing to be afraid of. Of course, there were lots of terrible people who could and would want to hurt her, but Penelope had been spared heartache thus far. </p><p>Penelope had also learned about the types of places the women she saw on the street would go to enjoy the “immeasurable pleasures” of the bedroom.</p><p>Penelope had been tempted to explore that part of her independence, but she couldn’t risk being seen or discovered. There was also Penelope’s pride. She had been raised to believe she was to be pure and chaste for her husband.</p><p>But none of that mattered, because Penelope Featherington wanted Colin Bridgerton, and she felt that he needed her too. Needed her in the most primal way like she needed him. </p><p>She wanted him to take her. To take away her chastity. If Penelope could just have Colin for one night, she would have no regrets when she left. None. She would be able to free herself from the burden of waiting for him. The burden of saving herself for him. </p><p>Colin, for his part, knew that kissing Penelope in the back of his family's buggy that his brother was currently driving was a disaster in the making. He knew that kissing a lady of Penelope’s background without offering marriage was unforgivable. Colin imagined if he made such a move on any other girl in the ton they would be married in a heartbeat. Their father or brothers would have demanded it. </p><p>Penelope didn’t have a father or brother who’d demand he marry her, but Colin didn’t care. He didn’t need anyone to tell him whether he could marry Penelope Featherington or not. He only needed her approval. And here was Penelope Featherington kissing him back like there was no tomorrow. She wanted him, and he wanted her to have him. </p><p>“Pen,” Colin moaned, pulling away from her lips and moving his lips down her body. </p><p>“Don’t stop,” Penelope whispered.</p><p>“Never. I’ll never stop,” Colin replied. His lips were moving to kiss her jaw, and her neck, and her shoulder until they returned back to her lips. His hands had gone to untie the mask around her head, as he threw it to the other side of the carriage. </p><p>“Colin, please, please…” Penelope moaned. </p><p>“What do you want, Pen. Tell me what you want.” Colin stated passionately. What Colin wanted Penelope to say was that she wanted him to marry her. He wanted her to say that she wanted him to be with her forever, but what she said instead was just as pleasing if not a little surprising. </p><p>“I want you to make me feel good,” Penelope whispered into his ear, as she kissed it and ran her hands through his hair. Penelope had been all but sitting in Colin’s lap since he had pulled her into him and onto him. </p><p>Colin Bridgerton was a rake and a third son. He was no novice when it came to women and the female anatomy. He knew exactly how to make Penelope feel good. But Penelope had to know that by asking him to make her feel good, it would also be to ruin her for any other man.</p><p>“I will. I will,” Colin muttered firmly. “Once we’re formally engaged, and especially after we’re married,” he added softly as he held her close and nipped her ear. Colin could immediately feel Penelope stiffen in his arms at the word “engaged,”. He didn’t like it. </p><p>“Colin,” Penelope whispered, pulling slightly away from him. Though, Colin wasn’t letting her get far. “We both know we don’t need to be engaged. Please. One night is all I am asking for. One night…and no one will ever know,” Penelope said enticingly as she leaned in to kiss his jaw as she slowly made her way to his lips. </p><p>The words coming from Penelope’s mouth should realistically not have upset Colin. If anything, to put it crassly, Penelope Featherington was offering him an out and a ‘free ride’. She was telling him he could have his cake and eat it too. </p><p>But Colin didn’t want one night with Penelope. He wanted her completely. He wanted her unconditionally. </p><p>“No,” Colin found himself replying firmly but softly. </p><p>“What?” Penelope asked confused, while she pulled away from him. She knew he wanted her as badly as she wanted him. If only during this one moment in time, and she was even telling him he didn’t need to make her any promises.</p><p>“I promise I will make you feel good. Once we’ve announced our engagement to our families,” Colin replied gripping Penelope. </p><p>“No!” Penelope cried and then abruptly pushed him away, out of his arms, and off his lap.  </p><p>Colin had been shocked by Penelope’s abrupt and forceful departure and rejection. </p><p>“Are you rejecting me?” Colin asked. </p><p>“Are you proposing?” Penelope cried, but did her best to keep her voice below the sounds of the trotting horses. </p><p>“Yes, Penelope. I am,” Colin replied firmly and forcefully. He was now recognizing why he had been so surprised by her offer to make him feel good. “Penelope?” Colin stated in obvious anticipation to her next response before completely making his anger shown. </p><p>“I-I...No! Colin, we can’t,” Penelope replied.</p><p>“Why not?” Colin seethed. “Are you in love with Mr. Delaney? Did you let him touch you? Is that why you won’t marry me?” Colin demanded. </p><p>“How dare you, Mr. Bridgerton. I have made it explicitly clear that I have chosen to remain a respectable lady of society until my sisters are married!” Penelope started. </p><p>“Respectable Lady!” Colin interrupted. “Penelope, respectable ladies don’t attend gentlemen’s parties! Respectable ladies don’t gamble with their dowry dressed up like tarts! Respectable ladies aren’t seen in the middle of the bank in the company of whiskey and gentlemen like Weatherby!” Colin growled out. </p><p>Penelope gasped at his bluntness. Tears formed in her eyes. </p><p>Shame. It was the shame that she was trying to drown with alcohol. It was the shame that she felt for being at war with her wants and her needs. But along with shame came her anger and her bitterness. </p><p>“I have done the best that I could with the cards I was given. You will never understand what that’s like. You will never be alone. You will never be without guidance. I had to make the choices that I made to see that my sisters will be protected like you wish to have your sisters. And that meant having a sizeable dowry attached and seeing that my mother has a place to call home whether that’s the old Featherington home or with one of my sisters. It meant that I had to grow up, Colin. It meant I was free from all the ignorance you shroud your sisters in,” Penelope stated.</p><p>“Ignorance!” Colin spat.</p><p>“Yes! Ignorance Mr. Bridgerton. Weatherby, Michael, Michael Delaney, they both taught me so much about the world...but also politics, finances, and business,” Penelope stated. </p><p>“And these things interest you?” Colin asked.</p><p>“Yes!” Penelope cried.</p><p>“And that’s why you won’t marry me. Because you have interests in business?” Colin asked. </p><p>“No! No...I mean doesn’t that bother you?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Not at all, Penelope. A man needs an intelligent wife,” Colin said leaning in, thinking he for sure would get her to accept his marriage offer before they even arrived at the boarding home. </p><p>“No, no stop it!” Penelope said, whacking him with her tiny purse that had been wrapped around her wrist, lightly but still hard enough for him to let her go completely. So she jumped back to her original seat across from him. </p><p>Penelope gave him a haughty glare. Colin smirked back deliciously. </p><p>“You kissed me. You kissed me,” Penelope emphasized. “I was the one caught in the moment. I am not as innocent as I once was, and it’s really none of your business, but society would be right in assuming that I am still a “respectable lady”. So long as you say nothing and your brothers say nothing, no one will know what happened this evening. No one. Just ignore it and I will too, and I assure you there will be nothing written in Lady Whistledown.” Penelope stated firmly. </p><p>“Why won’t you marry me, Penelope?” Colin pressed.</p><p>“Well, perhaps it has something to do with when you called me ruined just a moment ago.” Penelope bit back.</p><p>“Penelope, I was not insinuating I would not marry you,” Colin replied. </p><p>“Oh! How gallant of you, Colin!” Penelope cried. </p><p>“Penelope,” Colin stated calmly. </p><p>“What,” Penelope seethed. </p><p>“Marry me?” Colin asked again. </p><p>“Colin. I’m not like them. The girls you see at the balls. I don’t think I was ever really like them to begin with, but now I know I’m really not like them. You would regret marrying me. You’d grow to resent me. Eventually... I’m not meant to just ignore the goings on of the world and raise babies. That’s what you expect, right? Of the woman you marry? That she’d be like your mother and sisters. I can’t pretend to be that for you,” Penelope said honestly. </p><p>“Who's asking you to pretend?” Colin interrupted. </p><p>“Everyone!” Penelope replied exasperated. </p><p>“Penelope, I’ll admit my family has always had high standards,” Colin conceded. </p><p>“Well, then this evening is justification enough not to marry me then,” Penelope stated. </p><p>“I’m afraid my entire family quite likes you enough to overlook considerable scandal,” Colin smirked.</p><p>“So very generous, indeed.” Penelope muttered bitterly.</p><p>“And that leaves us with what excuse, my dear Pen? As to why we can’t marry exactly?” Colin asked. </p><p>“You claim you and your family would overlook considerable scandal, but you’re bluffing.” Penelope said darkly. </p><p>Colin looked at her from across the carriage. His smile teasing, and condescending, and so very terrifying to Penelope. </p><p>“You think?” Colin asked darkly. </p><p>“I know,” Penelope replied. </p><p>Before she knew it, both of her wrists had been grabbed and trapped above her as Colin had caged her body with his and was straddling her. His lips came to her temple, then her cheek, and stopped at her ear. </p><p>“Do you know what a hickey is?” Colin asked darkly. </p><p>Penelope’s blood ran cold and she swore she could hear her heart pounding. </p><p>“It’s when a man leaves his mark. You speak of how men and women set traps for each other. You must know of this one?” Colin asked smoothly. </p><p>“You wouldn’t,” Penelope ground out. </p><p>Colin's mouth had moved from her ear straight to the pulse in her neck. He could feel her pulse with his lips.</p><p>“Do you fear me, Penelope?” Colin asked softly. </p><p>“No,” Penelope replied immediately and earnestly. </p><p>“Do you desire me?” </p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Do you love me?” Colin asked.</p><p>There was a beat. “Please don’t. Don’t leave a hickey,” she whispered. </p><p>“Don’t you want to be mine?” Colin asked softly.</p><p>“Yes, but not like this. We’re not ready. I’m not ready.” Penelope whispered. </p><p>“Why are you resisting this? What are you afraid of?” Colin asked. </p><p>Colin just wanted to understand. He didn’t understand how she could desire him and want to be his, but not want to marry him. </p><p>“Have you been with another man?” Colin asked. At that question, Penelope tried to wiggle out from under Colin. </p><p>“I’m not sure how that is any of your business,” Penelope said angrily. </p><p>“It won’t make a difference to me,” Colin stated. </p><p>“Then why are you asking?” Penelope demanded. </p><p>“I can’t stand the thought of anyone else touching you or kissing you like this,” Colin growled. </p><p>“Then you’re lucky no one has,” Penelope stated tiredly. It wasn't entirely a lie, and it wasn't entirely the truth. She had never been with another man, but she had been kissed by Michael. It wasn't Colin's business either way. They weren't engaged yet. Colin smiled wickedly. </p><p>“And never will,” Colin said darkly. </p><p>“Colin, I am not agreeing to marry you, but if you would like to court me properly, while I see to my sisters finding matches, then you may. But I will not do my elder sisters the disrespect by marrying before they do,” Penelope said adamantly. </p><p>“By marrying me, you would be helping your sisters find prospects,” Colin said arrogantly. </p><p>“Be that as it may. I want my sisters to find some happiness in their marriage. If my sisters were to be wed to men who only wanted to use them to get close to you or Anthony, then I’d never forgive myself. I am trying to find men who aren’t just fortune hunting, but for men who will actually hold my sisters in an affectionate regard. Even if their fortune does make it easier to find those men.” Penelope said. </p><p>Colin rolled his eyes. </p><p>Penelope gasped, “I knew it! You think I’m stupid!” Penelope cried, now fighting all she could to get away from him. </p><p>“Stop fighting me, Pen. I’d never hurt you,” Colin said letting go and backing away towards the opposite seat. </p><p>Penelope wanted to make a big show of rubbing her sore wrists, but it was true he had managed to hold her wrists gently and she had stopped fighting his hold long before she tried it a second time. </p><p>“But you think I’m stupid,” Penelope pushed. </p><p>“I don’t think you’re stupid, Pen. You’re such an incredible woman, but...but I think you are ill.” Colin admitted gently. </p><p>Penelope felt like she had just been punched in the gut. “What?” </p><p>“Look at yourself, Pen. Look at what happened tonight. Think about the dangers you faced tonight. Think about the dangers you are committing every day with this...this business you’ve created. You need rest, Penelope. You were right about us not being ready. You need to heal and let my brothers and I help you.” Colin said firmly. </p><p>Penelope was shocked. Absolutely shocked and horrified by Colin’s words. On one hand, maybe she had become a little out of control. She was sitting in front of him wearing a wig, and she had been drinking more than she wanted to acknowledge. On the other, was Colin trying to fix her into something she was insistently telling him she was never going to be. </p><p>“Colin, please. I admit I might have developed some bad habits and behavior in the wake of my newly found independence, but that does not mean I’m sick. Perhaps, stepping back is a good idea, but I have a duty to oversee my family’s affairs,” Penelope stated. </p><p>Colin reached forward to grab her hands. “I so admire your sense of duty, but after tonight, Anthony will insist on...bed rest,” Colin stated. </p><p>“Bed rest?” Penelope asked, confused. “I don’t need to be put on bed rest. I’m fine. I-I’m fine, Colin. This won’t happen again. I promise. I’m done. I quit and I’ll quit drinking, but I don’t need to be...I don’t...society will notice my absence if I am bedridden.” Penelope said beggingly to Colin. She was choking over the pain in her throat as she pleaded with Colin.</p><p>If Penelope was deemed ill it would mean her absence from both the drawing room and the ballroom. She wouldn’t be allowed to take visitors. She wouldn’t be able to get her Whistledown column to the publisher. She’d be trapped. </p><p>“Anthony will insist,” Colin said squeezing her hands for support. </p><p>“Colin, no…I...I have meetings. At the bank. I have a meeting with my cousin. I...I can’t go on bed rest. I can’t. I don’t need to. This is my business, Colin. My family.” Penelope stated. </p><p>“We are to be your family too,” Colin insisted.</p><p>“Not unless we are married!” </p><p>“Pen, you must know. People will expect it,” Colin said gently. </p><p>“Expect what?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Ever since my mother and brother invited you and your family to stay at the Bridgerton house. Well, you must know what people think. Especially about us, Pen... My favorite dance partner,” Colin smiled flirtatiously. </p><p>“Colin, if you respect me, then you will respect my wishes,” Penelope glowered, completely ignoring his statement. “I don’t want to be sent to bed as if I am delirious with fever while you take control. It would be insulting.”</p><p>“Penelope, my brother’s word is law. He will not pretend like tonight never happened. He will expect that we will be engaged, that you take a period of rest and isolation in order to heal, and that he and I will see to your business,” Colin stated before adding, “Temporarily.”</p><p>“Colin, I refuse to let your brother act like my guardian. I refuse,” Penelope said crossing her arms over her chest. </p><p>“Penelope, I will never stand in your way as your husband. Never,” Colin stated firmly. </p><p>“Then why are you now?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Because you’ve left us with no choice.” Colin said softly. </p><p>“What does that mean?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“It just means that my brother, and I-“ but before Colin could finish the carriage had pulled to a stop in front of the boarding house. </p><p>“It means I won’t be allowed to come back here?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Penelope, what you are doing is dangerous and it’s harmed you. You need to trust me, Pen. You need to trust my family,” Colin pressed. </p><p>“I don’t have to do anything,” Penelope seethed as she moved to jump from the carriage knowing that Colin wouldn’t follow for fear of being seen by a Lady Whistledown informant or gossiping woman. </p><p>Over 30 minutes later, Penelope returned to the carriage covered in a cloak. Benedict had hopped down from the driver's seat and was making conversation with Colin. Benedict opened the door for Penelope who gave him a tight smile in thanks. </p><p>“Penelope,” Colin started.</p><p>“No, no Colin. I’m tired. You’ve made your and your family’s position quite clear. I’m under your roof. I’ve behaved improperly. My secrets and affairs are everyone’s business.” Penelope listed off bitterly. </p><p>“Penelope, do not fault my family for having your best interests in mind,” Colin replied. </p><p>“I wouldn’t dream of it,” Penelope whispered. </p><p>“We’re gonna find a perfect balance, Pen. And when we do, nothing is going to stop me from taking you down the aisle. We just need to make some compromises,” Colin stated. </p><p>“You mean that I have to make some compromises,” Penelope said. </p><p>“No, not true at all. It’s clear you and I are at a misunderstanding. About your past and our future. But we will settle it, Penelope. I promise you. You will be healthy and happy and fulfilled. And mine.” Colin said huskily. </p><p>“We’ll see,” Penelope challenged. </p><p>If Penelope and Colin could agree on one thing in the moment, it would be that they both enjoyed a challenge.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>EDIT: Hey! I just wanted to add that in the first few minutes of this upload, I had written it like it was Penelope's first kiss, but Onlyreader_o3, kindly pointed out that Michael had kissed Penelope in chapter 4. </p><p>PLEASE, PLEASE if you see any glaring plot holes like that that bother you, please bring it to my attention and I will make edits or give you an explanation. </p><p>I just cannot go back and re-read my old chapters at this point. This story is over 50,000+ words which is equivalent to like 165+ pages in a book, and it has been so far about a 2 month writing process that I expect to continue for at least another month as I try to tie this story up. And as I mentioned I'm a free flow writer, so I just can't keep up with everything, but if you guys can and are able too, then don't hesitate to ask or leave me a comment, because I am happy to make edits and explanations in my story to fix those holes.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for the amazingly kind feedback! I appreciate every single comment, and I am truly flattered. </p><p>Michael will be back in the next chapter, I promise!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the ride home was spent in uncomfortable silence. Colin and Penelope were both lost in their own thoughts. </p><p>Penelope’s mind always seemed to work fast, but the whiskey in her system tended to stunt that speed. It could be both a blessing and curse for her. Her mind was always moving, and drinking just helped her slow down the racing thoughts. Although there was a price to pay when she purposefully slowed down her thoughts with alcohol. The price was usually that of her good conduct and sense. </p><p>Penelope had been angry. She had just had her first taste of Colin Bridgerton, and he had to go and ruin it by opening his mouth. Insisting that she needed to rest. Insisting that he and his family would take care of her.</p><p>Her father should have taken care of her. And her mother. And her sisters. But no. Penelope had done that. She took care of her family. She did. And she would continue to do so until her mother and sisters were no longer her responsibility. </p><p>For what it was worth, not that Penelope would ever admit it to Anthony, but she did not envy his position. He was responsible for his family. The way, Penelope supposed, a man should be. It was just a complete puzzle as to why Anthony would willingly take on helping 3 additional “wards” for whom he’d need to find matches for. </p><p>Penelope had already gotten a sense of how difficult it was to find her sisters sensible and respectable “love matches”. Penelope had respected the fact that the Bridgerton matriarch had made it explicitly clear to her eldest son that she would not allow him to make a marriage of convenience out of his sisters’ suitors.  Penelope felt the same way. She didn’t know if her sisters would find happiness like Violet or Daphne talked about, but there had to be someone who would treat her sisters kindly and provide them with a family and protection.  </p><p>She could imagine nothing worse than seeing her sisters married off to some narcissistic fortune hunter. Neither Phillipa or Prudence would thrive with a neglectful husband. Penelope thought she would make do if she had too, especially with having Lady Whistledown’s papers to fill her days with something. It would be nice to have children too, but children would never be enough to preoccupy her mind or her needs. They would be a lot to Penelope and would become the very best essence of her responsibility, but she had to have something for herself. Children, however, would be enough for Phillipa and Prudence to make a happy life. Nonetheless, she didn’t want their husbands to be just like their father. </p><p>As Penelope looked out the window of the carriage, she noticed they were getting closer to the Bridgerton Home. Penelope felt completely beat. She didn’t think she had any fight left in her. </p><p>The whole evening had been an absolute nightmare. First, the Bridgerton gentlemen, including the Duke of Hastings, had seen her gambling as Madame Noire at Lord Ashbury’s gentlemen’s party. Then, Weatherby had lied to her, and if not for the bitterness she felt at Anthony’s perceived betrayal, she would have lost him a great sum of money. After that, she had been slapped across the face and called a cheater in front of everyone. Only for her to then slap Weatherby for being a bloody condescending prick, who responded by calling her a myriad of vulgar names, and was then pummeled to the ground by Colin for grabbing her. Of course, this was all followed by Colin pulling her across the carriage and kissing her with a passion she had never felt from him before. </p><p>And what had happened after that? Oh, then Colin proposed to her by telling her she would be put on “bed rest” while his family took over the management of her family. </p><p>The very idea of being put on bed rest was humiliating. She would be watched over day and night by the Bridgerton ladies and their staff while she wore a white nightgown, layed in bed, and did nothing more than read calming poetry and listened to less than interesting gossip. If society wondered where she was when she failed to go out for tea or social events, and they would certainly notice to a degree, then they would be told she was unwell. They would ask what caused her malaise, and no matter what anyone said, they would conclude her illness was a result of father’s abandonment.</p><p>It was an illness of the mind. </p><p>An illness of the mind that could be cured by reminding a woman where she stood. She would be made into an example. Look, they would say, what happens to a woman when she has no father or husband to guide her. Then after a few weeks out of society’s eyes, she would return as Colin’s fiancé. Look, they would say, what a gentleman from a good family does when a lady has no protection and forgets her place. </p><p>He gives her protection by putting her in her place, by marrying her and giving her children. </p><p>It was blasphemy to Penelope, who could provide for herself comfortably on just her Whistledown earnings. If Colin wanted to be a hero, then he should take one of her sisters as a bride. On second thought, Penelope stopped, that would be terrible. She didn’t want Colin to marry one of her sisters. She had always wanted him to marry her. </p><p>Not like this, though. Not out of pity. Not because he thought her independence was making her ill. </p><p>The drinking, Penelope acknowledged, would need to stop. It had too. It was obvious from Colin’s comments earlier that he and his family had noticed. So, that meant she needed to either be better at hiding her drinking or prove to Colin and the rest of the Bridgertons that she really didn't have a problem. And if Penelope really didn’t have a problem, it meant she could quit drinking at any time she wanted too. Well, she didn’t necessarily want to, but it was clear that now was the time to show that she could. </p><p>She would also need to quit Madam Noire, which had been her most profitable alter ego. Out of? What was it now? Three different alter egos. Lady Whistledown, White Queen, and Madam Noire. Bloody hell. </p><p>At least Lady Whistledown would provide her some additional income, as well as her investments. White Queen and Madam Noire were up for retirement. </p><p>Penelope supposed that the only reason she continued to be Madam Noire was to ensure her sisters had a healthy fortune to take with them into their marriages. Penelope had already secured that, so perhaps it was time to end her business with Weatherby anyway. Besides, Weatherby had lied to her. She had put what little trust she had left in people, into him, and it had been a mistake. </p><p>Just like the Bridgertons had said. </p><p>Penelope didn’t dare give them that satisfaction. </p><p>Still, Colin had proposed and she still hadn’t given him a formal answer. The way Colin was staring at her from across the carriage was somewhat indecipherable, but she could tell that he was sure he would win. Win what? Win her? Maybe. </p><p>Saying yes to Colin would be so easy. It was the life she always dreamed for herself. But she also dreamed about traveling, writing, perhaps using her chess skills to make money for worthwhile causes like charities. </p><p>She wanted to build a family, and she wanted her daughters to be educated in the same things as her sons. She wanted to be close enough to her family that visits wouldn’t be too terrible to make once a week...or month. She wanted stability and security, but most of all she wanted her husband's unconditional support.</p><p>She wanted her husband to be happy in his profession, but she also wanted her husband to be happy with her having a profession. </p><p>She wanted to be a writer. She wanted to move on from Whistledown, a project that she was both proud of and tired of, especially tired of what it represented. She wasn’t tired of writing though. She would write novels, and she would write news, advice and politics. Even if it had to be written under a pen name. </p><p>She just didn’t want a husband who would care if she put it under a pen name or her own name. She wanted him to be proud of her whatever she decided to do.</p><p>But Penelope knew her opinions no longer aligned with a majority of society. She wasn’t sure if Colin would agree with her politics. Her opinions. Or her viewpoint. </p><p>People in the ton would call her a radical. She had learned a lot of world and class politics in her time away from the ton. The ton revolved around the politics of marriage. The real world revolved around the politics of slavery and equality. </p><p>It had been only 2 years since the Napoleonic wars and Europe was changing, and even Lord Byron, whom she had met at a chess match, had talked about European countries aligning to encourage prosperity. There was a growing movement in England to abolish slavery. </p><p>She knew that the Bridgertons and the Duke of Hastings were all vehemently against slavery and positively for the union of European nations, but it was never a topic discussed among members of the ton. </p><p>Michael was also a strong advocate for the abolishment of slavery in England and for peace in Europe. Although Michael was far more radical, and was among those who supported the revolutions in France. </p><p>Britain was disinterested in dismantling the English nobility and monarchy. In fact, the Bridgertons were among the many thriving noble families who were extremely loyal to the crown. Penelope herself was considered of noble heritage and as a member of the ton, she had made the acquaintance of His and Her Majesty on several occasions.</p><p>Michael knew that English nobility would not topple as it did in France, but there was an envy and energy that Michael exuded standing in the room surrounded by noble and royal families. Michael had been born a penniless commoner, and he had created a show that could and would be appreciated by all classes of people. From the uneducated and working class to the King himself, Michael had created something enjoyed by all. It showed people there was a commonality. </p><p>Michael’s true message was that everyone should have a chance to succeed. To live a life of luxury. That birth shouldn’t play a role in one’s place in society. </p><p>Members of the ton would fundamentally as a collective disagree with this theory. </p><p>Birth order dictated everything in the ton. </p><p>It dictated who would receive their family’s title. It dictated the amount of money and property were set aside for each son and daughter. It dictated whether you had a place in the ton. It dictated to what degree you and your family were considered respectable. </p><p>If Penelope wasn’t born of such considerably high birth and her father hadn’t made such a name for themselves among the ton, she might never have even crossed paths with the Bridgerton family. It was dumb luck she became best friends with Eloise, and for some reason quite close with the rest of her family. </p><p>If Penelope was anybody else, born of the servant class, or an independent writer like she wanted to be, the Bridgertons would have never found her respectable. She wouldn’t be respectable because her very virtue would be called into question. </p><p>Hell, if she wasn’t Lady Whistledown herself she was sure her reputation would have been shattered a week ago. </p><p>Penelope was truly privileged. Even if she was a victim of the injustice in society. </p><p>She truly was conflicted with why it was so important she protects her and her sisters' virtue until they were married. She was conflicted on why it mattered so much, but it did. </p><p>It mattered that she protected herself for as long as she could. </p><p>She couldn’t fault the Bridgertons, entirely, for being mad at her. </p><p>She took a risk. It was part of the thrill. The adrenaline. The fear of being caught. It was a bit fun, but also ridiculously dangerous for her family. </p><p>Besides, she thought to herself, she was quitting. She was quitting. </p><p>She wouldn’t quit feeling guilty for silently supporting an antiquated system that she and her family had always thrived on. A system that the Bridgertons thrived from. </p><p>A system that Michael would profit from, but would never necessarily fit in due to his “lowly” birth. Penelope didn’t care about Michael’s birth. Colin was a third son. Penelope Featherington simply did not care about birth order, period. </p><p>But marrying Colin would give her respectability. It would give her voice respectability. If she were to become an independent writer, who moved away from her mother, she would be ruined. Her voice would have to remain anonymous, otherwise it would become almost meaningless. </p><p>Penelope had learned about the kind of power married  women who were friends with their husbands mistresses could wield for social and political discussions in the city. These women would host salons, and prominent speakers and politicians would attend, and it would be so important to get your name on this hostesses list. </p><p>As Madam Noire, she met mistresses who preferred to meet the women her husband and his drunk friends would be “entertaining”. To see how discreet these women were to be. </p><p>It’s where Penelope had really begun to start making friends. Discreet women could trust other discreet women. And for as misogynistic and terrible these women’s husbands were, they hosted amazing parties where progressive young men and women could come together for discussion. </p><p>Penelope had even gone to a few. She had always left before things had become too indecent. Although, she learned so much, and she usually went disguised or went simply addressing herself as “Pen,”. Most of them had recognized her for who she was, but seemed to support keeping her secret. And a lot of them just ignored her, because she was a notoriously amazing wallflower. </p><p>Well, Penelope thought, as the carriage pulled to a stop, she was damned if she did. And she was damned if she didn’t. </p><p>“Penelope?” Colin asked. </p><p>“I won’t marry you. Not yet. I’m sorry Colin, but I get one choice in this life. And it could be you, and I want it to be you. But...it might not be you. I need time. We need time. To make sure. To make sure if this is what we want,”</p><p>“There is no debate about what I want, Penelope. I want you.” Colin said forcefully. </p><p>“You think you want me, but Colin...you already know that I’ll never be...I’ll never be like Cressida Cowper. I won’t be content supervising the housekeeping. I-I won’t pretend to be ignorant-“ Penelope started. </p><p>“This is the second time you bring up the concept of ignorance, and your misguided perception of me somehow wanting you to be simpleton! I want you exactly as you are!” Colin cried. </p><p>“But do you really know who I am?” Penelope asked. Penelope didn’t know who she was. She was split into four people. </p><p>“I’m trying to find out!” Colin shouted furiously. Penelope jumped at his tone. It was at that moment that she realized that Anthony and Benedict were standing outside and must have heard their arguing. </p><p>“Forgive me,” Colin muttered after a moment. “I didn't mean to yell,”.</p><p>Penelope felt tears swimming in your eyes, but she was desperately trying to blink them away and swallow the ball seated in her throat. Penelope shook her head fervently in an effort to show he didn’t need to apologize</p><p>“No, pardon me. I never knew that you cared for me so,” Penelope whispered. </p><p>Penelope’s voice nearly broke Colin’s heart. Of course she hadn’t known. He had never really behaved as anything more than a polite acquaintance. </p><p>“I-I’m sorry it took me so long,” Colin replied softly. </p><p>“Don’t worry, you’ll be given plenty of time to change your mind,” Penelope said in a small whisper with as much dignity as she could possibly muster. Colin pretended that he hadn’t heard her as he reached to open the carriage door. </p><p>Sure enough, Anthony and Benedict waited outside pretending as if they weren’t listening in on the conversation between their brother and Penelope Featherington. Penelope needed a moment to collect herself. “Perhaps, I should enter through the servants entrance,” she stated.</p><p>“No, Penelope you will enter through the front with me,” Colin said firmly. </p><p>“What if your staff says something. We should be discreet,” Penelope stated before continuing, “Who knows, Lady Whistledown could be your neighbor,”. </p><p>“Lady Whistledown will write nothing of any impropriety that might or might not have taken place this evening,” Colin said before hopping out of the carriage and holding out his hand for her to take. Anthony and Benedict were trying to look busy as they tended to their horses, but they could hear every word. </p><p>The arrogance of Colin Bridgerton! He had no idea who Lady Whistledown was and yet he was making promises to Penelope, the Whistledown writer herself! Penelope wanted to make Colin eat his words, but he wasn’t completely wrong. Lady Whistledown would not write of any impropriety that might or not have taken place this evening, in regards to Penelope Featherington that is.  </p><p>What Lady Whistledown chose to write about the Bridgertons and all the impropriety on their part was yet to be seen. </p><p>Penelope wanted some revenge. Revenge for whatever asinine statements the Bridgertons would be making this evening. Penelope was glad her tiredness was replaced with that scathing bitterness that fueled her when she was most vulnerable. </p><p>“Of course not, Lady Whistledown would never criticize the Bridgertons.” Penelope said ominously. </p><p>Her words, though, were unfortunately true. She had always been exceedingly generous in her observations of the Bridgerton family as Lady Whistledown. They were respected to a degree that was only reserved for the most prominent noble families in Britain. They were Bridgertons. Plain and simple.  Lady Whistledown, except for a few minor jabs she had to make in order portray her alter ego as the critical crow she sounded like on paper, had been for the most part pro-Bridgerton.</p><p>Of course Penelope had heard all of the Bridgertons complain about Lady Whistledown at one time or another. They had every right to be annoyed by her, because everyone else was, but they were also fascinated by her, and read her writing like everyone else was. Penelope would sometimes feel sorry, but for the most part she got a great laugh out of people’s guesses about her identity and their complaints with her obvious, perhaps a little too on the nose observations.</p><p>“She’s not worth fretting over,” Colin said softly. </p><p>“I could not agree with you more,” Penelope replied with a malicious smile as she stepped out of the carriage. </p><p>Benedict had decided to stay behind and search for one of their stable hands to help him put away the rest of the carriage and horses.</p><p>Anthony had taken the lead into the house, and told Mr. Wickham that he and the rest of the staff should retire for the evening. Anthony then immediatley walked towards his study without a word to Penelope and Colin who were walking at a much slower pace behind him. Colin had tucked Penelope’s arm into his and he was currently guiding her in the same direction that Anthony had bolted. </p><p>“Colin, I think I should retire for the evening. Your brother seems very angry with me,” Penelope whispered. </p><p>“I know that you have no elder brothers, Pen, so might I give some advice?” Colin asked slightly teasingly. It did nothing to ease her reluctance to go towards Anthony’s study. Knowing it was a rhetorical question, Colin continued, “It’s best to get it over with,”.</p><p>“Very reassuring,”</p><p>“You have nothing to hide. Nothing that we can’t get past together. As a family,” Colin insisted. </p><p>Penelope remained silent as they walked to Anthony’s door. It was just when they had arrived outside the study that Anthony had whipped the door open, and was furiously glaring down at an obviously exhausted Penelope. It almost made Anthony want to send her to bed and save his lecture for the morning, but Anthony had practically raised his siblings. His lecture needed to happen now, when she was most feeling the effects of her poor choices. </p><p>“Penelope, I need to speak with you. Privately,” Anthony stated firmly looking first at Penelope and then addressing his last statement to his brother. </p><p>“Pen, if you want me to stay. I can stay,” Colin said, while instinctively pulling Penelope closer. Colin then glared at his brother, asking with his eyes why his brother would try to make him leave. “You know of my intentions, I have every right to support her as her fiancé,” Colin continued. </p><p>“Mr. Bridgerton,” Penelope gasped as she pulled out of his arms. “I’ve already told you that we might formally court until my sisters are married. We are not betrothed, Viscount Bridgerton.” Penelope said, addressing Anthony and Colin chillingly formal. </p><p>It wasn’t the first time Penelope forced distance between herself and the Bridgerton gentlemen by addressing them formally in private. As a guest, she was permitted to address them all by the first name in informal settings such as the drawing room or when she was at family mealtimes. It was however only appropriate that she addressed them by their first name in private conversations when in a formal setting, such as in big groups or formal dinners and parties where formal titles were expected by everyone. </p><p>It was clear that with Penelope forcing the use of their titles in private that she was currently expecting the same courtesy. </p><p>“Yet, Miss Featherington,” Anthony quipped when Colin’s only response was appearing slightly stung at Penelope’s dismissal. “You aren’t betrothed yet, but I know my brother cares for you deeply and will make you a good husband if you allow him too. And if you would like my brother to stay, he may. However, this conversation might better take place between the two heads of our families,” Anthony said. </p><p>Penelope and Colin were both surprised by Anthony’s acknowledgement of Penelope as a family head. Considering her station as a youngest daughter in a family that no longer had a head patriarch. </p><p>Penelope stared at the furious Anthony with a look of abject confusion, disbelief, and uncertainty. Anthony had bet a significant amount of money for her to win that night. And she had won. It would be almost easier if Anthony was mad at her for losing his money, but she hadn’t lost his money, so that obviously meant he was mad at her for... everything else. </p><p>“Colin,” Penelope said as a small apology. “I’m afraid this evening has been so overwhelming. If we are to truly begin courting,” Penelope said, taking Colin’s hands into hers. “Then I must ask for your patience. Again. Please Colin, my world was shaken when my father died. Then, I learned so much while I was in the city about me and my family and what it takes to build security in a world where you were either born with it or you weren’t. There are things I want to share with you, Colin. So very many things,” </p><p>“Then please, Pen, no more secrets. I want to know everything,” Colin whispered urgently. </p><p>Anthony chose that moment to walk away from the door to go stand by his desk. Anthony figured the very least he could give the troubled couple was a few moments of privacy before he unleashed his grievances on to a weary Penelope Featherington. </p><p>“Colin, I am still processing the fact that you proposed to me this evening. After what you saw tonight. I can’t believe you haven’t run away,” Penelope started.</p><p>“I’m done running away. If I run away, then I’m running away with you,” Colin stated. </p><p>“And that would be so fun, but we both know there is no running away together without a marriage. It would bring you family so much shame,” Penelope replied. </p><p>“Then marry me,” Colin pressed. </p><p>“Patience. Time. That’s all I am asking for a little of. They may just save us from a dreadfully unhappy marriage if you find out later that I am not the wife you expected and you are not the husband I need,” Penelope said softly, but brutally as she looked Colin in the eye. </p><p>Colin had wilted under her gaze. “You don’t think I know that I am looking at a brilliant, independent woman? You think you will be unhappy because I can’t be the type of husband you need? What do you need from me?” Colin asked in a hoarse but eerily determined voice as he squeezed her hand. </p><p>Penelope felt bad for having to say it again. “Patience and time, Colin.” </p><p>Colin squeezed his eyes shut like he was in physical pain, but then he squeezed her hands once more and let go. </p><p>“I can wait, Penelope. I can give you time and I can give you patience. But I won’t let you hide behind your sisters or your appointments with Weatherby at the bank, or anything else. We are courting now, after all. So, until tomorrow, Miss Featherington” Colin said without question and a small bow. He had also given her his signature teasing smirk when he addressed her formally. </p><p>Penelope gave him a small smile. “Mister Bridgerton,” Penelope said, offering him her hand with an equally teasing smirk. </p><p>It made Colin want to growl at her as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her senseless. Unfortunately for Colin, he assumed patience was just another lady’s phrase for wanting to go slowly. </p><p>It was not very common for women in their society to desire to take a relationship slowly. Most courtships were at most a few months, but those were for the weddings of Dukes and Counts. And they happened much quicker if scandal began to circulate around a couple. Some couples connected so immediately they would be married in no less than a fortnight. </p><p>Penelope’s desire to remain unmarried was...possibly a little unnatural. However, Colin had seen Penelope making money at a gentlemen’s party under the influence of alcohol that very evening. Penelope was simply different than every other woman in the ton. </p><p>And Colin wanted her despite her secrets. Despite the fact she was different.</p><p>Penelope just didn’t trust him. She didn’t trust that he wanted her regardless. And Colin finally understood some of her reluctance. </p><p>Penelope could be a danger to herself and her reputation. She was trying to spare Colin and the Bridgertons any trouble that could develop surrounding her activities. Such as with Weatherby and the bank, and everything else she had hidden. She was a Featherington and he was a Bridgerton. Their standards, expectation, and approval from society as a family were vastly seperate. </p><p>Colin was trying to protect her the best way he knew how, by giving Penelope his name. Penelope was trying to protect him the best way she knew how, by rejecting him. Colin knew his name would elevate Peneleope’s respectability, but Penelope feared her name and actions would ruin Colin and the rest of the Bridgertons respectability. </p><p>Colin and his family would see to the Featherington’s not having one ounce of scandal attached to their names for the rest of the season. Penelope would not be ruined, and never would be because the Bridgertons would protect her. </p><p>Colin took Penelope’s hand and kissed it with a sensual look that warned Penelope that it would be a matter of time before he might ruin her himself. </p><p>The Bridgertons would hardly be judged for a fast wedding. Penelope though, would be, and Colin could not have that. </p><p>“Miss Featherington!” Anthony called from his study. </p><p>“I’ll be out here if you need me,” Colin said supportively as he backed away with a lingering and meaningful look of encouragement. If Anthony and Penelope wanted to speak privately then Colin had to allow it. </p><p>Penelope gingerly walked into the eldest Bridgerton’s study. The study where Edmund Bridgerton had presided over his family and his business. Penelope could sense why the room was so intimidating. The study was in dark shades, and with candles to light the room at night, the study seemed all the more foreboding. Penelope noticed there were a few comfortable chairs and a leather couch towards the outer edges of the room where Anthony and his guests would clearly choose to relax and drink brandy once business was settled. However, in the center of the room, placed in the empty space where men might stand and argue over business at the desk, was a little wooden chair. </p><p>A demeaning little chair. A demeaning little chair when there were several more clearly comfortable seats in the room. </p><p>“Have a seat,” Anthony said, gesturing to the demeaning little chair. </p><p>“There?” Penelope asked, gesturing to the pitiful seat. </p><p>“Where else?” Anthony asked.</p><p>“I don’t know...but that leather couch over there looks quite nice,” Penelope said sweetly. </p><p>“Well, I would prefer to have this conversation by the desk,” Anthony said, only realizing how stupid he sounded after he had said what he said allowed. </p><p>“Interesting,” Penelope said. “Perhaps I can stand then, or maybe I could sit in your desk chair?” Penelope asked innocently. </p><p>“My desk chair?” Anthony asked slightly horrified. It had been his father’s chair and no one sat in that chair. No one except Anthony. It was his inheritance. </p><p>“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you,” Penelope said simply.</p><p>“It was my father’s chair,” Anthony replied smoothly, although he remained defiant with his posture, gearing up for an argument.</p><p>“I understand. My father had a chair that he rather liked as well...I enjoyed sending it out with the rest of the rubbish. I sold off a lot of my father’s little treasures when I got to the city. Except for my father’s chessboard. I always thought it belonged to me more than it belonged to him. So, I kept it. I suppose there is always something of our parents that we think belongs to us after they’re gone.” Penelope said, still standing.  Anthony did make note of that fact. </p><p>“I have offered your mother and sisters my sincerest apologies,” Anthony gritted out. </p><p>“What?”. </p><p>“I have offered your mother and sisters my sincerest apologies for not aiding you and your family sooner,”. </p><p>“There is no reason to apologize,” Penelope said curtly. </p><p>“I was taught that women shouldn’t be left alone. That it was my responsibility to see my sisters happily married to the right man with the right family. I know that we aren’t family, but you’ve been a close friend to our family for years. Colin has recognized that he cares for you immensily. If you did not care for my brother you would not have allowed him to court you. You are not a cruel woman. I understand that you lead your family. After tonight, I think it has been made quite clear that you have engaged in some risky behaviors. I feel that it would be best for everyone involved if you were to take a short leave from society to focus on...letting go. Letting go of the burdens a man carries.” Anthony started. </p><p>“Viscount Bridgerton,” Penelope said, turning her full attention to Anthony. “Let’s say I made a big mess. An enormous mess, actually. Do you really want me to just hand you the responsibility for it?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“Yes,” Anthony replied. </p><p>“Why?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“I just do! I want to help you. Every instinct in my body is telling me you need my help. Colin is in love with you, and I know you must care for him. We are practically family. Just let us be family,” Anthony stated. </p><p>Penelope sighed. It was too easy. Nothing was this easy. She couldn't just tell Anthony and Colin everything. </p><p>“Let’s talk,” Penelope said walking over to Anthony's desk and laying her hands on his desk and looking him in the eye.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey! I know it has been a hot minute since I last updated. I could give a detailed list of excuses, but I won't. The biggest hurdle is that I sometimes get bored with my writing and my story, and the motivation for writing just plummets. </p><p>However, I do want to finish this story. I really do. I just sincerely do not want to disappoint you guys with the ending. Hopefully I can get out another couple chapters with a satisfying ending with relative expediency. </p><p>But here's an extra long chapter, so like I'm sorry for the wait haha.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Colin wanted nothing more than to eavesdrop on Penelope and Anthony’s “conversation”.</p><p>Colin wanted there to be no more secrets between him and Penelope. Colin wanted Penelope completely, but Penelope no longer seemed to be complete. She appeared lost and divided internally. </p><p>Colin had been processing and intaking an excess of information about Penelope for a fortnight, but this evening had been more enlightening than even the one spent at Lady Danbury’s ball. Colin’s thoughts were racing, but one thought stood out in particular. Colin was beginning to understand why Penelope was afraid of marrying him. Colin knew that Penelope cared for him (maybe even loved him), but until that moment he had never comprehended the implications of what a person was willing to do for love. Penelope was willing to force distance between them because she thought her behavior was shameful. Penelope thought she would bring disgrace to him and his family. She was already trying to spare her own family’s unstable reputation while taking numerous risks, and now she had rejected him in an attempt to spare the Bridgertons any possible embarrassment as well. </p><p>It had to be why Penelope was so determined to see her sisters married first. She wanted them to be protected in case her secret life caused a scandal. If she was ruined, and her sisters were already married off, then they would likely survive the fallout. </p><p>Then the horrible realization struck Colin. Penelope had every right to be as cautious and fearful as she appeared to be, because it was true. It was all true. Penelope’s behavior was absolutely as scandalous, ruinous, and potentially devastating as she thought it might be. She had been caught by the Bridgertons at an inappropriate party, drunk, and gambling against wealthy elite gentlemen over a game of chess. It made Colin shudder to think that someone else might have recognized her at the party and spread the word around the town. </p><p>Penelope had also claimed that she had maintained her virtue, but it would not matter if someone dared to say otherwise. She would be labeled a fallen woman and society would turn their back on her and her sisters. Even with Anthony and the rest of the Bridgertons support, their influence would only reach so far. If Penelope was caught, written about in Lady Whistledown, exposed by Weatherby or disastrously otherwise, then the fallout would be unforgivable. If Colin chose to marry Penelope regardless of the scandal and insinuation, then society would turn their back on them. </p><p>Thinking back, Colin had been extremely nervous about how the ton would react after Lady’s Danbury’s ball when it had been circulated throughout the party that Penelope knew the elusive ring leader, Michael Delaney, and his performers, personally. Colin and the rest of the ton knew that Lady Whistledown’s word would be all but law among the ton’s members.Yet  when Lady Whistledown, who had famously regularly mocked the Featherington’s in her papers on a nearly weekly basis chose to compliment Penelope and her family for their professional input into a show that had previously been regarded as garish, unrefined, and unsuitable, the ton had seemed to accept it. Whistledown’s words were perhaps even consequential in elevating Featherington's popularity around the ton in quite an unconventional manner. The writer might have been willing to give Penelope and the Featheringtons a break simply because the circus proved to be a success. However, Colin had a feeling Whistledown would not be so merciful with the latest development about Penelope’s time in the city.</p><p>Colin just wanted Penelope to trust him. To trust that he wouldn’t let her get hurt. To trust that he would help her look out for her family. To trust that he wanted her unconditionally. Because Colin Bridgerton did want Penelope Featherington unconditionally. </p><p>As a Bridgerton, Colin and the rest of his siblings, most especially Anthony, felt the weight of their last name. The weight of the Bridgerton name carried a different stigma in comparison to  the weight the Featherington’s had attached to their name. Colin’s family had always been respectable. The family business had long since been established and flourished under their leadership. In addition, the Bridgertons were afforded free social clout as an unspoken part of the family inheritance. </p><p>Colin and his siblings each had one true responsibility as the “spares” of the Bridgerton family and it was to simply marry for love. But also, it was to marry members of their social class who would bring more dignity to their family. </p><p>Colin would only admit it to himself, but that is what scared him the most about his future with Penelope. If Penelope were to be publicly ruined, could Colin still be able to marry her? The answer was a firm yes. However, would Colin and Penelope also have the support of his family? Likely, considering his family was sometimes unbearably loving. Lastly, would the community that Colin and Penelope had both been raised in support their marriage? The answer was a simple no. If word had spread that Penelope’s virtue was compromised by a stranger in the city, and Colin married her regardless, the vile words would never end. </p><p>And it wasn’t even that Colin was concerned about himself, because he knew that women were treated differently, and that the majority of the ton would revile Penelope, not him. </p><p>The Bridgerton men were extremely powerful figures among the ton and quite capable of withstanding scandal. Although Anthony had shared with his two closest brothers about how at the end of last season, Anthony had wanted to bring an actress with whom he had been having a liaison with to Daphne’s ball. Of course, the actress had had better sense than his eldest brother, and had chosen to not attend the ball with Anthony in public. It had broken his brother’s heart, but it had saved them both from the cruelty of society. Anthony and his actress would have been obliterated in Lady Whistledown, and society would have been critical. Colin doubted the Bridgerton name would have been able to withstand the kind of scandal his brother had nearly brought to their doorstep.  </p><p>However, if Anthony had really and truly loved the actress, would Colin have supported his brother as Colin suspected his brother would support him? Colin wanted to say yes, unconditionally, but when Anthony had told him that story, Colin had been secretly relieved. Colin had been relieved the actress had let his brother go for both of their sakes, and it made Colin feel sick to his stomach for thinking it. </p><p>Is that what Colin truly wanted for his brother? For Anthony to be miserable at the cost of protecting his family and their name. No, Colin didn’t want that. Although, Colin felt that his circumstance with Penelope was vastly different from Anthony’s circumstance with the actress. An actress was not given any respectability among their social class, but Penelope was of a noble family background, and as long as Penelope’s virtue remained unchallenged, then she was still a respectable choice for a bride.   </p><p>Colin hated acknowledging that if either he or Benedict were to marry a woman outside of the bounds of respectable society, it would be different than if it was Anthony. Certainly, Benedict or Colin would easily lose face among the ton, but the Bridgerton name would survive so long as the offending brother and his bride left the ton and Anthony remained the heir. </p><p>It was really an unfair world, but Colin would not give up Penelope. Not for anything, he decided. If it meant having to leave a demerit next to the Bridgerton name to take Penelope to be his, then he would do it without any regrets, only apologies. If being with Penelope meant his family turning their back on him and cutting him off from his inheritance, then he’d find a way to support Penelope and any subsequent children they would have another way. It would be a blessing to have a wife as intelligent as Penelope. </p><p>Although, it seemed that Penelope thought Colin was intimidated by her intelligence. Penelope had indicated that she thought that Colin might be more interested in a ninny as a wife during their conversation on the ride home. Penelope could not be further from the truth, because he desperately wanted an intelligent wife. He liked smart women with whom it was easy to hold a conversation, and he found so very few of those in his social circles. So very few respectable and educated women in their world, and it was Colin’s luck that Penelope was both. </p><p>Colin found he could muster some serious admiration for Penelope’s tenacity and independent spirit, but it did not negate the fact that what she was doing was dangerous. It was a dangerous world for independent women, and Penelope was taking risks with her safety that no other respectable woman would. Colin was worried and he certainly wanted Penelope to stop, but it did not make him any less interested in having her as his wife. </p><p>It was clear Penelope was resourceful, because she had to have been in order to survive living in the city with her mother and sisters to look out for. Penelope had also “worked”, which was highly unusual for women in their class. She had “worked” with Weatherby at the bank. She had “worked” at the circus with Michael Delaney. She had created this “Madam Noire” character to gamble amongst men. Colin had to surmise based on what he had seen of Penelope that evening, that she had to have been quite practiced in her alter ego. It had been an utter miracle that word of Penelope “working” had not made its way back into the ton before Penelope had returned. Gossip from the city made its way into the ton all the time, but if the subject of the gossip was still in the city, it made it quite easy to question one’s reputation when they were out of sight. </p><p>Colin made another realization with a deeply unsettling emotion that he couldn’t quite define. The Bridgertons had not been able to find Penelope or the rest of the Featheringtons for months. Penelope had been in the city the whole time, going off to work with Weatherby at the bank and with Delaney at the circus, and playing chess at gentlemen’s parties in the evening. The city was enormous, and not everybody in London knew everybody, but surely one contact somewhere would have been able to find Penelope. Penelope and her family were arguably well-connected members of the ton. The Featherington patriarch may have for all appearances left his wife and children destitute, but it was not necessarily as if the Featheringtons had been forced from the ton in disgrace. The Featherington’s had left on their own accord, and perhaps Colin conceded with a wince, maybe they and most especially Penelope had just not wanted to be found. </p><p>It had been quite the feat when Whistledown had allegedly been unable to find and therefore report on the normally flamboyant family for months. Colin had suspected that Whistledown would have eyes and ears everywhere, and would have been able to find them from anywhere in the country. Although, Lady Whistledown wrote on many subjects and perhaps simply didn’t care enough to keep up with her seemingly favorite punching bags. </p><p>A chilling thought crossed Colin’s mind. Was it possible? Was the unthinkable possible. Was the reason that Penelope and the Featheringtons were able to survive the self-induced exile from the ton, because Penelope was the writer and had protected her family. </p><p>Penelope was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. But to have remained anonymous for so long and to have been the elusive gossiping bat under all of the ton’s noses. For Penelope to have been behind the voice behind all the...chaos. </p><p>It was a preposterous thought! Or was it?! </p><p>Whistledown was quite simply...a little menace. An entertaining successful little menace. A little menace that had a particular penchant for critiquing the Featherington women quite unrelentingly. It just wasn’t possible. Surely, Whistledown might have had her own agenda for being...less critical of Penelope’s history of “educating the circus” while she lived in the city. The ton could have been easily swayed in either direction by Lady Whistledown about whether they should revile Penelope or subtly applaud Penelope for her endeavors. When Lady Whistledown had written of her subtle approval of Penelope to her audience, her audience had been willing to look at the situation with Penelope “working” with more “open mindedness”. After all, if Lady Whistledown wasn’t hinting at any impropriety on behalf of Penelope, then there was no reason for anyone to think there had been any impropriety at all. It seemed that Penelope and Michael’s interactions at the ball had been appropriate enough to all the eyes watching and waiting for something to happen between them so that they could pick it apart and label Penelope and Michael’s display as unbecoming. </p><p>In that sense, it would be a blessing if Penelope was somehow in control of her own gossip as the mysterious writer. However, was it possible that Penelope was Lady Whistledown, or perhaps that Penelope might know the writer personally? From the way that Lady Whistledown wrote of Penelope’s family, it was a neither overly flattering nor critically detrimental spotlight, but like the ramblings of a critical aunt. An aunt who was no novice to embarrassing and criticizing her family in order to improve (perhaps quite passive aggressively) when the occasion called for it.</p><p>If Lady Whistledown were a friend, then like the Bridgertons she might have truly been unaware of Featherington's whereabouts. If Lady Whistledown was a family member, close friend, or Penelope herself, then it would have been wise to write the Featherington’s out of the gossip papers for a few months, especially while Penelope was indulging in the risky behavior that Colin could clearly see that she had been partaking in during her time away. </p><p>Colin had to concede with a bit of pride and a dash of jealousy that Penelope being Whistledown was in fact a veritable possibility and perhaps not as preposterous of an idea as he had initially thought. Although, he couldn’t know if it was Penelope for sure. Colin could also admit out both a bit of jealousy and selfishness, that he did not want Penelope to be Whistledown. Colin felt that if Penelope was Whistledown and if it was ever discovered that she was Whistledown, it would be something he couldn’t protect her from. </p><p>In contrast, Colin felt like he and his family would be able to protect Penelope from any fall out that might have been conceived that evening in Ashbury’s home. Colin was sure of it. However, Whistledown was famous, and if her identity was revealed to the public, he was sure the woman would be shunned from society for all the harsh comments and rumors she had publicly published about the ton’s most prominent families. The response would likely be unfavorable no matter who the mystery writer was. </p><p>Colin didn’t want to ponder the possibilities any longer. He just wanted to know Penelope’s truth. Her entire truth. What does Penelope want? What does Penelope need? Colin wanted the answer to these questions, but Penelope had become such a reserved woman. Colin hoped that if anything would come from his absence in his brother’s study with Penelope and Anthony in it, Colin hoped it would encourage Penelope to open up to his brother at least. Head of family to head of family. </p><p>It was time that Colin thought of Penelope the way Anthony had seamlessly begun too. Anthony had surprised Colin twice that evening when he had first bet “on” Penelope, and then when he had insisted that he speak with Penelope privately “as the head of her family”. Colin hadn’t expected for Anthony to treat Penelope any differently than he would have his younger siblings, but instead Anthony was truly giving Penelope the respect she obviously deserved and commanded. </p><p>Colin was glad his brother was being so cordial with Penelope, but Anthony had been furious with Penelope less than an hour earlier. Anthony had been discussing different ways with Colin in which he and Colin should “punish” Penelope for her dangerous actions. Anthony had asked him what he would do if Penelope was his wife? And he had asked him what if it had been one of his sisters in Penelope’s position? Well, it was an unspoken understanding about what any one of the Bridgerton men would have done to their siblings. They would have had to ground their sisters at home, only after they had sufficiently made her understand why she was in trouble to begin with. There was no other way to go forward. </p><p>As Anthony had said earlier, there was no way that the situation with Penelope could be “ignored” any further. </p><p>Anthony and Penelope had only been standing and arguing in Anthony’s study for only several moments, but Penelope had already begun to deeply regret letting Colin walk away from them. </p><p>Penelope had thought it would be easier to face down one Bridgerton man at a time. And specifically for that Bridgerton man to not have just proposed to her. Now in hindsight, Penelope was positive that she had just made an enormous mistake. Maybe, Penelope debated internally, Colin would have been the more sensible choice, because he was the one who had just proposed to her. </p><p>Penelope had learned to live with her choices though, and she had not wanted to appear weak in front of Anthony, so she refused his paltry offer of a seat and decided she would face him down instead. This was a now or never moment for Penelope to get her story straight with Anthony and the rest of the Bridgertons. She needed to be firm with him and make him understand that Coli and him were not helping her, but instead making her mess bigger and far too noticeable.  </p><p>But when Anthony had just all but begged Penelope to just let him help her, it had made Penelope upset.</p><p>The whole situation with the Bridgertons made Penelope upset. The Featherington’s had been left in an indeterminate state after her father had killed himself, and Penelope had single handedly managed to provide for her and her family while keeping them in considerable refinement. Now that they returned to the ton in that very state of refinement she fought tooth and nail for, the Bridgertons felt safe enough based on their outward appearances to invite them inside their home. </p><p>The Bridgertons had greatly miscalculated their “charity”. Penelope was riddled with all sorts of secrets that would cause scandal. The Bridgertons thought they were saving her and her family from scandal, but instead they were risking their own reputation by associating with someone who kept so many damning secrets. </p><p>They should have known. Independent women do indecent things. Or so society dictated. </p><p>Penelope had been able to keep her family in a low profile and yet fashionable and comfortable boarding home for months while maintaining “respectability” with her discretion and dexterity to move around as if she was invisible. Penelope was oh so good at being invisible and often found it a small blessing that her invisibility had seen her avoid finding herself in precarious positions. However, the Bridgertons and even Michael were giving he too much visibility and it would mean that the line she was walking would just get thinner and thinner. </p><p>Penelope had tried to protect Colin, Eloise, and the rest of the Bridgertons. She tried to push them away, and Penelope was starting to wonder if she had pushed them away hard enough. She had tried to tell them that she was capable of making decisions for herself, and she had tried to show them through her and her family’s appearance that she was okay. </p><p>Now, Colin and Anthony were going to tear Penelope’s heart apart. She cared for them, she cared for all of them, and she had tried to protect them, but they had caught her.  </p><p>The Bridgertons had caught Penelope in the precarious position that she had been so diligently avoiding with her invisibility skills. Although Penelope should have known that the risk of being caught by someone she knew at a gentlemen’s party in the ton would have been a near inevitable outcome. Yet, Penelope had still taken that risk with the hopes of not being discovered, but still desiring the opportunity to make more money. So, really it was her own fault she had been caught. </p><p>Unless, one of the Bridgertons had followed her there. She doubted that they cared enough to do something ridiculous like follow her. But the way Colin sounded, and how Colin had sounded when he had asked about her virtue, several times it felt like, maybe Colin really did care about her enough to follow her. Colin said he didn’t care about her virtue as much as he was jealous at the thought of someone else kissing her.  </p><p>Penelope shouldn’t have lied to Colin. </p><p>Michael had kissed her. Although, if Colin thought a kiss was the definition of being ruined then he had ruined her in the carriage that very night. And by no means did Penelope nor Colin indicate or surmise that he had ruined her that evening. Yes, it would be quite a large demerit against the Bridgertons and even more so against the Featherington’s should it have been revealed, because then Penelope would be ruined. She would be just as ruined if word spread that she had kissed Michael before she left the city, and Penelope could hardly imagine the scandal should both stories see the light of day. </p><p>Penelope thanked God every day that she knew neither story would ever see the light of day, because she was in control. She was Lady Whistledown. And Michael and Colin were supposedly gentlemen. Penelope was thankful for that too. </p><p>Penelope didn’t want Colin to think less of her for Michael having kissed her. She hadn’t initiated the kiss, but she hadn't hated it either. There was also the “small problem” that Penelope really did care about Michael, and Penelope had been internally debating going  back to the city where she would reside as a writer or going back to Michael who wanted to travel and raise his daughter with Penelope as her step-mother. </p><p>Michael would be giving Penelope a family, but she would be practically separating them too. Penelope had told Michael her thoughts about living a nomadic lifestyle with his circus. She didn’t think long periods of travel were good for raising a family. She wanted to raise her family in mostly one place, but she was supportive of taking short trips and perhaps a seasonal journey from time to time. Penelope would be able to help Morgan get a fine education, and eventually married to a worthy working gentleman whom she would love. Penelope would no longer be connected to the ton, especially if she left to marry  an older widow from the working class with a daughter. It was not so much his position as a widow, but as a single father who was also the ring leader of a circus. Of course, society would also frown once she revealed herself to be an incredible writer at the very same time Whistledown retired her column. Only a few of the smart ones might be able to put that one together.</p><p>Penelope adored Morgan, and she could admit it would be an honor to be her mother, but Penelope did not think she could sacrifice her desire for stability. Morgan was always happiest when she was with her father, even if she had developed a wonderful connection with Penelope. It wouldn’t be the same for Morgan, and Penelope imagined that both Morgan and Michael would resent the time they spent apart. They would both resent that Penelope was the cause for them being apart. They would resent her for being selfish and Penelope wouldn’t blame them for it.  </p><p>Michael and Morgan might say differently now, but Penelope deep down knew that while her and Michael would be happy together, they would not be compatible for the long term. Michael lived for his business and while it wouldn’t be hard to be a writer while traveling, and perhaps she might even find a few foreign subjects to write about while on the road, but Penelope knew she would only be happy for short periods of time on the road before she desired to return “home”. </p><p>Michael was a busy man and Penelope had experienced the person Michael was when he was dividing his attention between his show, Morgan, and Penelope. And Penelope lost every time. Certainly, Michael had given her proper attention. He had given her wine and he had given her a purpose within his wonderful world. Within his show. They had enjoyed each other’s company. Respectfully. </p><p>Even though it hadn’t been respectful. Not really. Not when they had been alone and drinking and without a chaperone in sight. </p><p>Michael had made Penelope feel so very confident and intelligent. Michael had talked about this intellectual connection they had and claimed that he had never met a woman so talented and humble. And then the bold, brash man that Michael was, he had kissed her right before she left the city and begged her to return to him. </p><p>All of this, Michael had divulged after Penelope had told him about her desires to follow her passion as a writer, but to still have a sense of family, stability and community. The performers made a wonderful community, but Penelope was sure that even some of the performers would eventually find traveling to be just as tedious full time as Penelope could only imagine it was. </p><p>Colin travelled for months during the year, and then he returned home for months during the year. Penelope had always thought Colin was away so long and updates on his life had been so rare because mail from him would arrive from all over Europe at different speeds. The Bridgertons might have received a letter in mid to late April that had been addressed in mid February, after they received a letter that had been addressed in mid March. Penelope would subtly ask for news about Colin from Eloise and was always decisively confused with the mail patterns. Penelope had decided if she was ever in the position of marrying Colin Bridgerton that if he ever wanted to travel he had to take her with him, and that she would ask that he travelled less for Penelope’s sake</p><p>But Michael wanted to travel in a completely different manner than Colin. Michael wanted to tour, and Penelope simply did not want to compromise anyone’s happiness. Including her own. Penelope thought that she knew what she wanted, and it unfortunately wasn’t the same thing as what Michael wanted. </p><p>She wanted to disappear into the city, live independently, and move away from rigid expectations that had plagued her all her life. Penelope also wanted to fall in love. Not the kind of love that was obsessing over Colin Bridgerton, but the kind of love where nothing else matters but each other. </p><p>Michael would always put his daughter first, and Penelope did not want to hear anything less. Penelope did not fear Michael’s love. She wanted it. She just doubted she deserved it.</p><p>Michael Delaney was not Colin Bridgerton. </p><p>And it was a wonderful thing Michael wasn’t Colin because Penelope would have never realized how important it was for a woman to truly understand the type of man she is marrying. Courtships were short lived in the ton, but with Michael, Penelope felt she had a months long courtship with Michael where she really got to know him. Penelope knew exactly what Michael wanted and she knew exactly what she wanted. Kinda. And unfortunately, Penelope didn’t see a compatible future…romantically. </p><p>However, that did not mean things could not change between Michael and Penelope. Michael was in the ton. Michael would not let Penelope be sequestered in the Bridgerton home without requesting a formal audience with her. It would be entirely appropriate for Michael to call upon the woman with whom he had made a professional acquaintance with in the city last fall. Surely, as long as there was a “chaperone”, Penelope would be able to speak with Michael. Penelope had no doubt he would be calling on her the morning before the opening night of his show on Friday. Michael always gave his performers a rest day before the opening night. </p><p>Michael had probably chosen to give Penelope space to ride the wave of gossip while he had probably been rehearsing his cast rugged. He had an annoying tendency to do it, but she found it to be somewhat endearing. </p><p>“Penelope,” Anthony addressed her by her first name as he approached her figure. She was currently still looming over his desk refusing to take a seat. </p><p>“What do you want to know?” Penelope asked. </p><p>Anthony was completely taken by surprise for perhaps the infinitesimal time since Penelope had returned from the city. A completely different girl. A girl. Penelope was a girl. Yes, Anthony could concede, Penelope looked like a woman and was intelligent as a woman, but a woman had a different connotation than a girl in their society. </p><p>Daphne became a woman the night she married Simon. Girls became women on their wedding night, and that is how women matured in their society. A woman was experienced and a girl was not.</p><p>Penelope for all appearances appeared to be...experienced, and yet she appeared to be  inexperienced as well. It was unknown what might have occurred while Penelope was away from the ton, but it would seem that society had no reason to believe that Penelope and the Featheringtons would dare risk the virtue of each other, and that a maid must have been hired upon their arrival in the city. Which was possibly true, but a maid in the city would undoubtedly be capable of serving as a full time chaperone to boarding home residents who would not require one. </p><p>Anthony, like his brother Colin, had conceded to many realizations that evening. The most prominent being that Penelope was a danger to herself. She needed to avoid scandal at all costs. </p><p>And Anthony saw an easy fix for Penelope, which was to simply marry Colin. The Bridgertons could help the Featheringtons and Penelope had to know that. </p><p>“Everything,” Anthony stated now, seeming to look her over as she loomed over the table. Immediately, Penelope pulled away from the front of the desk and seemed to start lazily promenading around the room as she studied it.  </p><p>“Miss Featherington?” Anthony asked haughtily with a mix of condescension and light hearted teasing</p><p>“This study feels completely different than my father’s, but there is something both of your studies have in common,” Penelope noted as she walked a steady, slow pace and her eyes continued to wander around the room.</p><p>“Which is?” Anthony probed. </p><p>“The distinct scent of suffocating male,” Penelope quipped. </p><p>Anthony stood up rigidly in offense to her comment.</p><p>“I apologize if I offended you, but it’s not entirely a bad thing,” Penelope said, finally delicately sitting down on one of the masculine leather couches in the corner. </p><p>“Being described as suffocating is hardly ever an un-entirely bad thing,” Anthony answered.</p><p>“That’s not true,” Penelope stated firmly. “There is a way for suffocating male pheromones to be something...almost comforting. Like for example, I can tell your father loved you and that you loved him. I can feel all the love that’s in this room. Did you ever have the opportunity to visit my father’s study when he was alive?” Penelope asked.</p><p>“A time or two,”</p><p>“There was no warmth in it. No love. Except for his chess set at his side table. I spent a lot of time listening to my father and his friends make horrible deals, and comments about women. About my mother. My sisters. Me.” Penelope stated. </p><p>Anthony flinched at how defeated Penelope sounded. </p><p>“He would have surely traded all three of his daughters for a single son like you,” Penelope whispered softly, straightening her dress and looking anywhere but at Anthony. </p><p>Anthony hadn’t expected to feel so...sympathetic. Logically, he’d been sympathetic to Penelope’s cause since the very beginning, but now he felt like Penelope had thrown him off balance. Anthony found it difficult to discuss his father with most people. He found it even difficult to share with his youngest siblings the memories he shared with his father. Anthony felt terrible about cheating his younger siblings out of hearing more stories about their father, but Anthony despised expressing his emotions in front of his siblings. </p><p>Anthony had been prepared to lecture at Penelope until his voice grew hoarse and Penelope had conceded to his “recommendations”. Instead, she had somehow caused a complete shift in feelings from anger and frustration to sympathy and concern. </p><p>Penelope had been doing a good job distracting Anthony from his goal, but Anthony had to stay focused on the situation. </p><p>“What happened after your father died?” Anthony asked. </p><p>“You don’t know?” Penelope scoffed in disbelief. </p><p>Anthony had a general sense of what had happened, but he had wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth, in a manner of speaking, which would undoubtedly be deemed horrendously impolite. </p><p>“Could you perhaps fill me in on the specifics? If we are being perfectly honest, I am most curious about your relationship with Weatherby and this Michael Delaney fellow. Should anyone accuse Weatherby or Delaney of...compromising you. Then you know what the consequences would be, it is a miracle that someone in the ton has not exposed you,” Anthony found himself nearly seething in Penelope’s direction as he had become increasingly disgusted by the direction of his thoughts. </p><p>“I have been extremely discreet, Viscount” Penelope sneered at his title on an impulse and immediately stood up from her seat on the couch, no longer wishing to be seated in front of him. Penelope had heard the anger in his voice and all the anger she had been holding back had nearly expelled itself from her mouth. Instead she found herself being deliberately clear with Anthony about her feelings. “I have nothing to fear, because I can handle myself and my family in a respectable and responsible manner. It is your family that is at risk of destroying everything I have built for myself. I do not know how you can stand here and act as if I was a destitute orphan, because if you had found my family and I in poverty, you would have probably been just another disappointment in our life. I know the fact that my family is flourishing financially under a woman must have you so confused, but women are capable of more than just being chattel for fathers and brothers to sell their daughters and sisters. I know it’s what I am doing with my own sisters, but that’s because that is the way things are and I have no hope of changing it. None. But when my father died, my sisters and I were granted freedom. My sisters will have their own money, and they may take any husband they choose, without our father there to turn their marriage into something that benefits him. It’s why I admired your family so much, because your mother would always tell mine how she hoped each of her children would find a perfectly suitable love match. My mother would scoff, because her daughters didn’t stand a chance at having that kind of happiness, but now her daughters will. Thanks to me and what I did. I managed to remain discreet, and all you have to do is remain discreet yourself, and I assure you both of our families will make it through the rest of the season unscathed. So, do we have a deal?” Penelope asked, reaching out her hand. </p><p>Anthony’s mouth had progressively lowered throughout her tirade, but it seemed as if at the end of Penelope’s speech, she appeared to have...blackmailed him. </p><p>“How can you make that assurance?” Anthony demanded. </p><p>Penelope scoffed. “Surely after tonight you can see how well connected I am.” </p><p>“You know Lady Whistledown?” Anthony asked. </p><p>“Hard to say,” Penelope answered honestly. </p><p>“How do you know you can protect yourself from a person’s suggestion about what happened this evening?” Anthony demanded. </p><p>“I can’t,” Penelope answered honestly, again. </p><p>“You sounded confident a moment ago that you could,” Anthony pushed. </p><p>“All I said was if I had your discretion and you had mine, then we could avoid public exposure about what may or may not have occurred this evening,” Penelope answered slyly. </p><p>“I won’t continue to talk in circles with you. I agree to remain discreet and quiet about what I saw this evening, but that does not mean I agree to ignore it.” </p><p>“What do you mean?” Penelope asked innocently. </p><p>“Your behavior is reckless and concerning. You say you won’t marry Colin, but I think you will, and I think you need to forget any ideas you have about returning to the city. Why would you want to do that? What is there for you?” Anthony demanded. </p><p>“I’d be free of society’s prying eyes!” Penelope cried out instinctually. “I’d be free to love who I wanted. I wouldn’t be forced into some quick marriage to a man I barely know. I’d be able to follow my interests with music and art...maybe even some writing,” Penelope added. </p><p>“Are you saying you don’t love my brother?” Anthony asked. </p><p>“No! I’m saying I don’t really know your brother...but if your brother would give me time and his patience as we get to know each other more, then I could eventually love your brother in the way a wife ought to love her husband. It’s just that I want my husband to love me the way a husband ought to love his wife too. I don’t want us to be miserable because we got married fast and had no time to really know each other.” Penelope explained honestly.</p><p>“Penelope, our society...well, marriages tend to take place rather expediently,” Anthony stated. </p><p>“Why?” Penelope asked. </p><p>“S-so a man and wife can begin...building a family, of-of course,” Anthony stuttered out with a blush. </p><p>“I’m not asking him to wait for me forever, but I do want to make sure we make a good match. It’s for his benefit as much as mine,” Penelope said. </p><p>“Should I be worried about this Michael Delaney?” Anthony asked after a moment. </p><p>“Hardly,” Penelope hoped silently. </p><p>“Hardly,” Anthony repeated, as if testing the word out. “Does hardly mean ‘a little bit’?” Anthony asked. </p><p>“I doubt he’ll make trouble for us. He cares about me,” Penelope said. </p><p>“Will he make trouble for Colin?” Anthony asked in a deadly quiet voice. </p><p>“Impossible,” Penelope found herself choking out. </p><p>Anthony narrowed his eyes at Penelope who had long since abandoned meeting his stare. </p><p>“I don’t want you going anywhere near Weatherby and if Delaney approaches you, then you must be chaperoned at all times. I’ve noticed you’ve picked up an acquired taste for drinks that are unsuitable for you,” Anthony said softly as he approached her close enough to put his arm on her shoulder. “I know of a doctor that specializes in working with certain women's illnesses,” </p><p>Penelope pulled away from him in horror. “I don’t need a doctor. I’m fine. I’m completely fine.” Penelope pressed. </p><p>“Perhaps you should avoid social events for a while, and we can go over your estate after I bring back your bank documents to review tomorrow,” Anthony said. </p><p>“What?” Penelope cried.  </p><p>“I care about you Penelope and you need to take some time to rest.” Anthony stated firmly.</p><p>“No!” Penelope cried. </p><p>“Hush now, Penelope. Colin!” Anthony called to his brother who he knew had been standing outside the door. Colin came into the study less than a second later, as he had heard Penelope’s cry of distress. </p><p>Penelope was feeling trapped standing in front of Colin and Anthony Bridgerton, and she felt powerless, and she felt the overwhelming urge to punish them for their protectiveness. </p><p>Penelope found herself taking a deep breath. </p><p>“You overstep your place, Viscount Bridgerton,” Penelope said icily.</p><p>“Drop the formalities, Penelope. What choices do you have? Certainly not the mysterious circus owner, Mr. Delaney? How about the cousin you’ve never met? Good lord, Weatherby!?” Anthony nearly shouted. </p><p>“I have choices!” Penelope found herself nearly shouting back. </p><p>“You do, Penelope. You do. Please. Please just make it the easy one,” Colin said, finally walking toward her to grab her hand. </p><p>Penelope didn’t want to fight them anymore. She really didn’t, but she would find to make them pay for this another day. Colin wanted her to make the easy choice. </p><p>But was it the only choice? </p><p>“We shall have a truce. For my sisters sake. We will work together to ensure my reputation and our families reputation until both of my sisters marriage papers are signed. But in exchange for my cooperation, I shall not be kept away from my own affairs, including public ones. Anything you want to see from the bank will not be seen without my knowledge. You have no right to my private documents without my consent. I know that you have certain influence over members of the bank, but if you respect me as much as I am trying to believe that you do, then you will not go behind my back. You will also not speak to Mr. Weatherby or Mr. Delaney about me. Do we have an understanding?” Penelope asked, pulling her hand away from Colin’s and not meeting his eyes.</p><p>Anthony seemed to be contemplating her words carefully. Anthony and Colin found that where Penelope wasn’t looking at either one of them, they had agreed silently they would play by her rules. Anthony understood that he was most likely overstepping where Penelope was concerned, but he could hardly help himself. Neither Anthony nor Colin had the stomach for seeing Penelope looking as dejected as she did. So, Anthony found himself making another choice he would have never have once thought of offering. Cooperation. </p><p>“We have a deal, but only for so long as my brother can’t convince you to marry him.” Anthony found himself unable to bite back his teasing.</p><p>That’s when Penelope looked up at Anthony Bridgerton with her red tired eyes. Then her eyes shifted to Colin Bridgerton’s stunning blue. And she gave them both the most deceiving demure smirk one could manage in her state. </p><p>There was no doubt that Penelope had a soft spot for the Bridgertons. </p><p>There was no doubt they had tapped into such desires of stability and acceptance. A family she always wanted. Exactly, the family she always wanted. </p><p>But would they ever accept her? Would they ever forgive her? Or would she always be the black sheep? Always there, but never participating. </p><p>Penelope Featherington was going to have to show the Bridgertons just how capable she was. </p><p>And to make a decision about her future with Colin and the rest of the Bridgertons. </p><p>Or her future with Michael, Morgan, and everyone else she had grown to think of as one big family . </p><p>Or perhaps, she would risk her reputation on her talents and go to city by herself, to become a writer, and leave the rules and responsibilities of society behind to experience the most life had to offer. </p><p>So, there was no harm in Penelope having a little fun while she sobered up and made her choice. Her own choice for herself that is.</p>
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